


Absolutely Original NDRV3 Group Chat

by unavoidablekoishi



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Multi, NDRV3 Spoilers kinda, What else is new, anyway i wanted to make one of these because they're kinda funny, expect literally nothing, gonta is the purest, not too bad though, old and unfunny memes, ouma is a shit, really really dumb humour, shitty usernames
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-31 03:52:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unavoidablekoishi/pseuds/unavoidablekoishi
Summary: -Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuuichi, Amami Rantarou, Ouma Kokichi and 12 others were added to Saishuu School Group Chat by Miss-Usami -Miss-Usami: Good Evening! I created this wonderful chat as another way for all of us to get along! Please be nice to one another and lets build up our friendship!Miss-Usami was kicked from the chat by Ouma KokichiOuma Kokichi changed their username to PantaKingPantaKing: lets do this thingIn which Usami makes a group chat for her lovely students. It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	1. Let the Fun Begin

**_-Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuuichi, Amami Rantarou, Ouma Kokichi_ ** _and 12 others were added to Saishuu School Group Chat by_ **_Miss-Usami -_ **

 

 **Miss-Usami:** Good Evening! I created this wonderful chat as another way for all of us to get along! Please be nice to one another and lets build up our friendship!

 

**_Miss-Usami_ ** _was kicked from the chat by_ **_Ouma Kokichi_ **

 

**_Ouma Kokichi_ ** _changed their username to_ **_PantaKing_ **

 

 **PantaKing:** lets do this thing

 

 **Akamatsu Kaede:** ouma!! why did you kick miss usami!!

 

 **Shirogane Tsumugi:** it was probably for the best

 

 **Iruma Miu:** LMAO

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Akamatsu Kaede’s_ ** _username to_ **_DePussy_ **

 

 **Momota Kaito:** whO GAVE HIM THE POWER TO CHA NGE NAMES

 

 **DePussy:** i would be mad but really i’m impressed you even know who debussy is

 

**_Iruma Miu_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ **

 

 **PantaKing:** i expected no less good choice good choice

 

 **Amami Rantarou:** 10/10 ign

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Amami Rantarou’s_ ** _username to_ **_amaminion ranty_ **

 

 **amaminion ranty:** 0/10 ign

 

 **amaminion ranty:** a disgrace

 

 **Gokuhara Gonta:** Hello!

 

 **DePussy:** ouMA NO

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Gokuhara Gonta’s_ ** _username to_ **_beej movie_ **

 

**_Momota Kaito_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Come On And Slam_ **

 

**_Momota Kaito_ ** _changed_ **_Harukawa Maki’s_ ** _username to_ **_And Welcome To The Jam_ **

 

 **beej movie:** Ah, Ouma, I think you spelt ‘Bee’ wrong!!

 

**_beej movie_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Bee Movie_ **

 

 **Bee Movie:** I’m glad you like that movie also!

 

**_And Welcome To The Jam_ ** _changed their username to_ **_no_ **

 

 **Shirogane Tsumugi:** sweet innocent gonta what a pure boy

 

**_Shinguji Korekiyo_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Dear Sister_ **

 

 **amaminion ranty:** um

 

 **PantaKing:** yeah i aint even gonna touch that one bye

 

 **Dear Sister:** I’m not going to apologise

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** hE CAN BANG HIS SIS IF HE WANTS leavE HIM BE

 

**_Saihara Shuuichi_ ** _changed their username to_ **_ShuulockHolmes_ **

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** i’m fairly certain it’s illegal

 

 **Dear Sister:** Not to mention, completely incorrect.

 

 **PantaKing:** sure sure

 

 **PantaKing:** absolutely

 

 **PantaKing:** i believe you

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta believes you too!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Even though Gonta doesn’t quite understand...

 

 **amaminion ranty:** and it will remain that way

 

**_Shirogane Tsumugi_ ** _changed their username to_ **_MewMewTsumugi_ **

 

 **amaminion ranty:** burn it

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** GET THAT WEEB SHIT OUTTA HERE

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** >:3c

 

 **DePussy:** nO

 

 **no:** you called?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** BABE

 

 **no:** bye

 

**_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ ** _changed_ **_Hoshi Ryouma’s_ ** _username to_ **_3’’5 Is Mathematically And Physically The Perfect Height For Dick Sucking_ **

 

 **3’’5 Is Mathematically And Physically The Perfect Height For Dick Sucking:** w hat

 

 **PantaKing:** YES IT IS BOIII

 

 **amaminion ranty:** she’s right y’know

 

**_3’’5 Is Mathematically And Physically The Perfect Height For Dick Sucking_ ** _changed his username to_ **_starboy_ **

 

 ** _MewMewTsumugi:_** CUTE!!

 

 **starboy:** no

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Yumeno Himiko’s_ ** _username to_ **_yuMENo_ **

 

 **Chabashira Tenko:** HISS

 

 **Chabashira Tenko:** YOU FILTHY MALE HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH YUMENO’S USERNAME

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Chabashira Tenko’s_ ** _username to_ **_MENko_ **

 

 **MENko:** PREPARE FOR DEATH

 

 **PantaKing:** OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME

 

 **Yonaga Angie:** angie can hear banging noises!!

 

 **no:** somebody stop her

 

 **amaminion ranty:** dont stop her

 

**_yuMENo_ ** _changed_ **_MENko’s_ ** _username to_ **_tencutie_ **

 

 **yuMENo:** somebody show her

 

 **Yonaga Angie:** ANGIE WILL!!

 

 **Come On And Slam:** WHAT WAS THAT?

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta’s ears hurt!

 

 **starboy:** ow

 

 **amaminion ranty:** thanks for the tinnitus

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** what happened?

 

 **DePussy:** angie showed tenko and tenko screamed so loud

 

 **no:** My ears are still ringing. Yumeno please keep your girlfriend under control

 

 **Toujou Kirumi:** Without taking sides, I think Ouma deserved it.

 

 **no:** “Without taking sides”

 

 **amaminion ranty:** without taking sides ouma absolutely deserved everything he got

 

**_Yonaga Angie_ ** _changed their username to_ **_y’know...like...nya_ **

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** wait what?

 

 **y’know...like...nya:** y’know

 

 **y’know...like...nya:** like

 

 **PantaKing:** nya

 

 **y’know...like...nya:** nya

 

 **y’know...like...nya:** NYO

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** OMFG

 

 **amaminion ranty:** in fuckkgn pisng

 

 **DePussy:** nyo

 

 **Come On And Slam:** nyo

 

 **Dear Sister:** nyo

 

 **Bee Movie:** nyo

 

 **no:** stop

 

 **DePussy:**...

 

 **amaminion ranty:** uhhhh how about

 

 **starboy:** nyo

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX** : OGGMGMGEMG

 

 **PantaKing:** IAIE FUCKINF PISSSED

 

 **DePussy:** OMG

 

 **no:** somehow I feel betrayed. how could you do this to me?

 

 **starboy:** im sorry

 

**_y’know...like...nya_ ** _changed their username to_ **_we’re-all-kami’s-OC’s_ **

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** EVEN BETTER!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** did we ever tell her about the anime with all the gods in it

 

**_we’re-all-kami’s-OC’s_ ** _changed their username to_ **_NYO_ **

 

 **no:** i thought we were friends hoshi

 

 **starboy:** i said sorry

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** IS HE GONNA START FUCKIN CRYTYPING

 

 **PantaKing:** IMAGINE HIM AT HIS TRIAL LIKE

 

 **PantaKing:** i’m,,,,,so,, fuckign sorry i,,,jsut,,,sorry ididn; mean to kill everyo,,one

 

 **starboy:** ...

 

 **Come On And Slam:** well done ouma now we’re all gonna die

 

 **DePussy:** thanks ouma

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** thank you ouma

 

 **Dear Sister:** Farewell everybody

 

 **Bee Movie:** Thank you Ouma!!

 

 **PantaKing:** i’d’,,,,,di’m so fucking sorry idkdknt ,,,,didn’t me an to

 

 **PantaKing:** I THINK HE’S OUTSIDE MY ROOM

 

 **PantaKing:** HELP EME

 

 **DePussy:** oh dear......

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** NOBODY HELP HIM

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** I think I hear banging...?

 

 **tencutie:** Good! It’s what he deserves!

 

**_tencutie_ ** _changes_ **_yuMENo’s_ ** _username to_ **_himicutie_ **

 

 **tencutie:** they match!

 

 **himicutie:** d’aww....

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i ship it

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Canon!! :3

 

 **NYO:** angie approves!!

 

 **no:** the banging stopped...

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** Is Ouma okay...?

 

 **Dear Sister:** I don’t think so.

 

 **NYO:** nyo

 

 **PantaKing:** yo uh

 

 **PantaKing:** it’s hoshi

 

 **PantaKing:** i came in here and ouma straight up fainted

 

 **PantaKing:** i actually came to get my handbook charger back

 

 **PantaKing:** i found ten of them by the way

 

 **DePussy:** THAT’S WHERE THEY WENT?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** SON OF A BITCH

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i had to get kiibo to charge mine

 

 **Bee Movie:** Where is Kiibo? Is he not joining us?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi:** I believe he was struggling with his handbook. I don’t think his fingers are able to work the touchscreen

 

 **Bee Movie:** Oh no!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Can Gonta change your username?

 

 **Toujou Kirumi:** Go ahead.

 

**_Bee Movie_ ** _changed_ **_Toujou Kirumi’s_ ** _username to_ **_Mer-Maid_ **

 

 **Bee Movie:** Get it? Because you’re a maid!

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Thank you very much Gonta

 

 **DePussy:** PURE

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** SO PURE

 

 **amaminion ranty:** free chargers whoop

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** I can’t believe I didn’t figure out Ouma had them the whole time. It makes so much sense now

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** you fAILED US SHYHARA

 

 **Come On And Slam:** HOW COULD YOU DOT HIS TO US

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i’m so disappointed in you

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** i’m,,, soryr,,

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** OH MY FUCK

 

 **amaminion ranty:** NO WAY

 

 **DePussy:** WHY

 

 **himicutie:** i didn’t expect that

 

 **tencutie:** He should be apologising!

 

 **Bee Movie:** It’s okay! Gonta forgives you!!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** PURE

 

 **Dear Sister:** They say that no human is perfect. That every human is full of imperfections and flaws, yet how do you explain the perfection and purity that is Gokuhara Gonta.

 

 **starboy:** probably because he wasn’t raised by humans. kinda proves a point there

 

 **no:** Wolves apparently make better parents than humans. Somehow, that isn’t surprising.

 

 **DePussy:** we’ve been doing it wrong all along

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Apologies to interrupt the conversation

 

 **Mer-Maid:** But was anybody planning to let Miss Usami back into the conversation?

 

 **DePussy:** i really don’t think that’s wise...

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** she’ll totally fuckin mess up my username!!

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** She’ll freak out!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** we could change her username to something really dumb

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** iLL DO IT

 

 **Come On And Slam:** it’ll be a sacrifice

 

 **DePussy:** whos gonna invite her in?

 

 **PantaKing:** I WILL

 

 **amaminion ranty:** the dipshit doth return

 

 **tencutie:** Finally, a statement I can agree with!

 

 **PantaKing:** rude

 

 **Dear Sister:** Is she done with the username yet?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** HOLD YOUR TITS SHITJI LET ME WORK

 

 **amaminion ranty:** you heard the lady

 

 **DePussy:** i’m genuinely scared usami’s gonna snap

 

 **himicutie:** buff bunny usami

 

 **NYO:** NYO NYO NYO

 

 **no:** no

 

 **Come On And Slam:** why would you say that

 

 **starboy:** thanks for the trauma

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** DONE LET’S DO THIS SHIT

 

 **Come On And Slam:** ready?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** oooohhhh let’s do it

 

 **PantaKing:** GO

 

_-_ **_PantaKing_ ** _added_ **_Miss-Usami_ ** _to_ **_Saishuu School Group Chat_ ** _-_

 

 **Miss-Usami:** Why did you kick me from that chat? That wasn’t very nice Ouma! Thank you for letting me back in!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** NOW

 

 **Come On And Slam:** DO IT

 

**_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ ** _changed_ **_Miss-Usami’s_ ** _username to_ **_Xxx_bushdid911pepe4lyfedeeznutsyourwaifuisshitshingujikorekiyowelcometothespacejamgetrektAccordingToAllLawsOfAviationABeeAShouldn’tBeAbleToFlyButOfCourseTheBeesDon’tGiveAShitPaulBlartMartFartTEDCRUZUMAKIISTHEZODIACKILLERjesustakethegoddamnwheellickthatminerallikeyoulikethepussy69420blaze_xxX_ **

 

 **amaminion ranty:** what the fuck

 

 **Come On And Slam:** HOLY SHIITT I’M PISSNG

 

 **Dear Sister:** Why is my name in there?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Ted Cruzumaki for president!!

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** We don’t even have a president

 

 **no:** oh god

 

 **starboy:** she really covered all bases with that one huh

 

 **Come On And Slam:** and now...?

 

**_Xxx_bushdid911pepe4lyfedeeznutsyourwaifuisshitshingujikorekiyowelcometothespacejamgetrektAccordingToAllLawsOfAviationABeeAShouldn’tBeAbleToFlyButOfCourseTheBeesDon’tGiveAShitPaulBlartMartFartTEDCRUZUMAKIISTHEZODIACKILLERjesustakethegoddamnwheellickthatminerallikeyoulikethepussy69420blaze_xxX_ ** _banned_ **_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ ** _from Saishuu School Group Chat-_

 

 **PantaKing:** HOLY SHIT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** oMG

 

 **DePussy:** O H

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** Uh oh

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** OMGOMG

 

 **himicutie:** buff bunny snapped

 

 **NYO:** h-hawawaWAWHEAAARGHHH

 

 **Come On And Slam:** W H A T

 

 **starboy:** omg

 

 **Dear Sister:** A noble sacrifice

 

 **PantaKing:** ANGIE WHY I’M GON NA PISS

 

 **Bee Movie:** Is Iruma going? Oh no!

 

 **PantaKing** : RIP IRUMA

 

 **amaminion ranty:** rip in pieces

 

 **PantaKing:** rip in pussy

 

 **himicutie:** that’s my headstone right there

 

**_Xxx_bushdid911pepe4lyfedeeznutsyourwaifuisshitshingujikorekiyowelcometothespacejamgetrektAccordingToAllLawsOfAviationABeeAShouldn’tBeAbleToFlyButOfCourseTheBeesDon’tGiveAShitPaulBlartMartFartTEDCRUZUMAKIISTHEZODIACKILLERjesustakethegoddamnwheellickthatminerallikeyoulikethepussy69420blaze_xxX_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Miss-Usami_ **

 

 **Miss-Usami:** This is not what the chat was created for!! We’re all supposed to be getting along!! Changing my username like that was so mean...

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _kicked_ **_Miss-Usami_ ** _from_ **_Saishuu School Group Chat_ **

 

 **amaminion ranty:** and here we are

 

 **Mer-Maid:** I left my handbook while I did the laundry only to come back and read all this.

 

 **PantaKing:** Are you proud of us mama!!

 

 **DePussy:** who’s ‘us’?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** you’re on your own buddy

 

 **PantaKing:** WAIT HUH DON’T LEAVE ME TRAITORS

 

 **PantaKing:** SERIOUSLY

 

 **PantaKing:** YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES


	2. Hacking the System

 

 **PantaKing:** ok so real talk here

 

 **PantaKing:** we gotta bust iruma outta cyber jail

 

 **amaminion ranty:** she’s been bitching about it for hours now

 

 **no:** that’s both understandable and entirely her own fault

 

 **DePussy:** I feel kinda bad. We should let her back in.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Usami is the only one with administrative privileges though

 

 **PantaKing:** meaning?

 

 **Dear Sister:** I believe that means she’s the only one who can effectively ban and un-ban people from conversations. Permanently.

 

 **PantaKing:** Well that’s bullshit

 

 **Come On And Slam:** can’t be that hard?? we could hACK THE SYSTEM

 

 **PantaKing:** HACK THE SYSTEM

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i’m in

 

 **no:** you think you can actually hack the schools administration accounts...?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** our teacher is a fuckin bunny harumaki she cries if you yell at her

 

 **no:** for the first time, i think you have a point

 

 **PantaKing:** ALL IN FAVOUR OF HACKING THE SYSTEM

 

 **amaminion ranty:** aye

 

 **Come On And Slam:** EYYY

 

 **NYO:** i’ll pray to kami sama to give us the answer!!

 

 **DePussy:** You could get kiibo to help?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** there’s a point

 

 **PantaKing:** he says no. he’s kinda pissed cause he can’t use his handbook properly

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** That explains a lot

 

 **himicutie:** if you could hack into the admin computer in usami’s room you could unban her that way

 

 **amaminion ranty:** that makes sense

 

 **DePussy:** gj himiko!!

 

 **PantaKing:** if you’re magical cant you hack it for us?

 

 **himicutie:** i dont hack computers

 

 **Come On And Slam:** then what else do you hack?

 

 **himicutie:** pussy

 

 **amaminion ranty:** EYEYYYYY

 

 **Come On And Slam:** DID NOT SEE THAT COMING

 

 **tencutie** : Of course you didn’t!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** and we all know whose pussy she’s hackin

 

 **tencutie:** Would you like to die now or after dinner?

 

 **amaminion ranty** : after dinner. can’t die on a full stomach

 

 **PantaKing:** you know you shit your pants when you die right

 

 **DePussy:** moving on

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** We don’t even know where Usami’s room is

 

 **NYO:** hmmmmm kami sama saaaaays....

 

 **no:** oh boy

 

 **NYO:** kami sama says usami’s room is just off the library

 

 **NYO:** also her password is just password

 

 **Dear Sister:** That was remarkably helpful

 

 **PantaKing:** We need somebody as a distraction!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Hoshi!

 

 **starboy** : no

 

 **Come On And Slam:** cmon starboy take on for the team

 

 **starboy** : fuck no

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** If you do this for us, I won’t make you sit through the rest of Prince Of Tennis...?

 

 **starboy** : i’ll do it

 

 **amaminion ranty** : lmaaao

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Yeouch.

 

 **PantaKing:** I’ll sneak into usami’s room! amami come with me

 

 **amaminion ranty** : uh no

 

 **PantaKing:** pls babe i need you

 

 **amaminion ranty** : i’m sorry. it’s not me it’s you

 

 **PantaKing:** you got it backwards

 

 **amaminion ranty** : i know what i said

 

 **PantaKing:** ow

 

 **DePussy:** are you sure you’re not going to get into trouble for this?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** are you doubting starboy’s use as a distraction?

 

 **starboy** : is that all i am?

 

 **himicutie** : pretty much

 

 **starboy** : fair

 

 **DePussy:** I’m not doubting you Hoshi!

 

 **starboy** : really? i would be

 

 **starboy** : you know i’ve never spoken to her before right

 

 **starboy** : ever

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** She seems scared of you...

 

 **starboy** : that’s because she is scared of me

 

 **amaminion ranty** : y’know what ouma i’m come with you i gotta see this

 

 **NYO:** you should flirt with each other! you have a lot in common

 

 **starboy** : what

 

 **himicutie** : aside from height

 

 **starboy** : screw it i’m not doing it anymore

 

 **PantaKing:** ANGIE

 

 **NYO:** I’M SORRYYY

 

 **Dear Sister:** Surely you can overlook this for the sake of Iruma?

 

 **starboy** : reread what you just wrote one more time

 

 **Dear Sister:** You have a point

 

 **PantaKing:** K IF YOU AIN’T HELPING STFU

 

 **amaminion ranty** : my love

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I’ll distract her then!

 

 **no:** How do you propose on doing that?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** how far dya reckon i could punt her?

 

 **PantaKing:** reach for the stars

 

 **Come On And Slam:** that’s my game plan

 

 **PantaKing:** let’s roll out

 

 **PantaKing:** AMAMI KEEP THEM UPDATED

 

 **amaminion ranty** : aye aye

 

 **amaminion ranty** : we’re walking down the corridor

 

 **amaminion ranty** : we’re nearly at the library

 

 **amaminion ranty** : we’re at the library

 

 **amaminion ranty** : momota’s calling for usami

 

 **tencutie:** die please

 

 **NYO:** can you imagine usami with hoshi’s voice?

 

 **starboy** : y’know, i’d almost forgiven you for what you said earlier but now

 

 **NYO:** WAIT NO I’M SORRRYYYY

 

 **starboy** : too late

 

 **himicutie** : dw angie if he doesn’t forgive you just punt him

 

 **DePussy:** omg

 

 **NYO:** i...don’t wanna....

 

 **NYO:** he looks like he might snap my knees...

 

 **starboy** : correct

 

 **tencutie:** I’LL SNAP YOU IN HALF YOU FILTHY GREMLIN

 

 **amaminion ranty** : woaH BUSTIN OUT THE G WORD

 

 **amaminion ranty** : punt commencing in ten seconds

 

 **DePussy:** ouch hoshi are you okay?

 

 **himicutie** : don’t feed him after midnight

 

 **DePussy:** not helping

 

 **no:** This is getting out of hand

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Do I need to intervene?

 

 **himicutie** : nah you’re fine

 

 **amaminion ranty** : HE DID IT

 

 **DePussy:** huh?

 

 **amaminion ranty** : MOMOTA

 

 **amaminion ranty** : HE PUNTED THE RABBIT

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** HE DID?

 

 **DePussy:** OMG

 

 **himicutie** : omg

 

 **NYO:** USAMI GOES NYOOOOOOOM

 

 **amaminion ranty** : I’DM FUCKIGN PISSGN SHE BOUN CED OFFF THE CIELING

 

 **no:** oh no

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Now I’m not sure I want to intervene at all

 

 **himicutie** : don’t do it

 

 **NYO:** DON’T DO IT

 

 **NYO:** LEST YOU INCUR THE WRATH OF BUFF BUNNY USAMI

 

 **NYO:** WITH HER HOSHI VOICE

 

 **starboy** : again angie

 

 **NYO:** YEEEEK

 

 **tencutie:** BACK OFF GREMLIN

 

 **starboy** : that’s getting really old now

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** He’s just salty because it hurts his feelings.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Also you’re still watching Prince of Tennis with me.

 

 **starboy** : jfc

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta is back!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Ah! What’s happening?

 

 **himicutie** : usami is dead rip in piece

 

 **Bee Movie:** Oh no! Will she be okay?

 

 **Dear Sister:** I’m sure she’ll be fine

 

 **Kiibo:** Hello Everyone! I found a method to connect to the group chat!!

 

 **himicutie:** not now kiibo we’re hacking the system

 

 **NYO:** KIIIBOOOO

 

 **Bee Movie:** It’s good to see you Kiibo!

 

 **Kiibo:** I’m very confused. Who is who?

 

 **himicutie:** you’ll figure it out

 

 **amaminion ranty:** I think we’re doooone...?

 

**_Miss-Usami_ ** _added_ **_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ ** _to Saishuu School Group Chat_

 

 **DePussy:** and now...?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** i LIVED BITCH

 

 **DePussy:** There we go...

 

 **Kiibo:** I missed so much!

 

 **no:** oh look it’s back

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** oh look a virgin

 

 **Dear Sister:** I’d say it’s nice to have you back but...

 

 **Dear Sister:** ...it’s not.

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** YOU’RE A LITTLE BITCH

 

 **starboy** : oh it’s back

 

 **no:** that’s what I said

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** I GAVE UP MY CHAT PRIVILEGE FOR YOU GUYS YALL CAN FUCK YOURSELF

 

 **PantaKing:** we DID IT BOIZZZ

 

 **no:** where’s momota?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** getting seasoned and grilled to perfection by usami

 

 **amaminion ranty:** and by that i mean she’s guilt tripping him to the seventh layer of hell and back

 

 **DePussy:** everybody feels bad when she cries

 

 **DePussy:** even if it’s...a little annoying sometimes.

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta seasons his meat!

 

 **himicutie:** omg

 

 **starboy:** out of every single goddamn thing on this shit-stupid chat, that had to be the one thing that makes me laugh gfdi

 

 **himicutie:** you can laugh?

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** Was that you I could hear?

 

 **starboy:** i fucking hate this

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I’M BACK WHAT DID I MISS

 

 **himicutie:** gonta seasons his meat

 

 **starboy:** gonta seasons his meat

 

 **DePussy:** gonta seasons his meat

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** GONTA SEASONS HIS MEAT

 

 **Come On And Slam:** Is...that a euphemism?

 

 **PantaKing:** who knows

 

 **Bee Movie:** It’s true! Gonta does season his meat!

 

 **starboy:** fUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gonta seasons his meat


	3. Oh dear...

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_DePussy’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_ShuulockHolmes’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_MewMewTsumugi’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Dear Sister’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_starboy’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_tencutie’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_himicutie’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_NYO’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Come On And Slam’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_amaminion ranty’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Bee Movie’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Mer-Maid’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_Kiibo’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

 **PantaKing:** aiight let’s do this thing

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Accidentally Ate a Greenfly_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Broke Toujou’s Teapot_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Tripped Himiko Over_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Spilled Angie’s Paint_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Messed Up Kaede’s Sheet Music_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Stole Amami’s Rings_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Scratched Tsumugi’s Anime DVD’s_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Shaved Momota’s Beard_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Stole Saihara’s Hat_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Stole Iruma’s Panties_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Broke Tenko’s Handbook_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Too Stole Iruma’s Panties_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _changed_ **_no’s_ ** _username to_ **_I Don’t Believe in Robo Racism_ **

 

 **PantaKing:** I’ve changed all your usernames to something you’ve done

 

 **PantaKing:** Have fun  <333

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** son of a bitch

 

 **I Shaved Momota’s Beard:** this raises so many questions..

 

 **I Stole Saihara’s Hat:** and nobody knows whos who...

 

 **I Broke Toujou’s Teapot:** i’m sorry somebody gave hoshi pinkeye?

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

 

 **I Shaved Momota’s Beard:** i’m guessing he’s not going to admit it cause then we’ll know who he is

 

 **I Spilled Angie’s Paint:** I’m going to come forward and admit I spilled Angie’s expensive paint. It’s Toujou- I apologise, Angie. I was cleaning your room.

 

 **I Messed Up Kaede’s Sheet Music:** it’s okay! kami sama forgives you!

 

 **I Messed Up Kaede’s Sheet Music:** wAIT NO

 

 **I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door:** EEEYYYYYY

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** WELL DONE

 

 **I Messed Up Kaede’s Sheet Music:** i’m sorry kaede chaaaan!! ;o;

 

 **I Spilled Angie’s Paint:** In all fairness, that’s what happens when you leave sheet music all over the floor.

 

 **I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door:** ShoTS FIRED

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** burnt to a crisp

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** DOES TOUJOU SEASON HER MEAT?

 

 **I Spilled Angie’s Paint:** I will refrain from answering in case it’s some kind of euphemism.

 

 **I Stole Amami’s Rings:** I get the distinct impression ‘I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door’ might be Momota....

 

 **I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door:** NOPE

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** IT’S MOMOTA

 

 **I Broke Toujou’s Teapot:** it’s so clearly momota

 

 **I Don’t Believe In Robo Racism:** I agree...

 

 **I Stole Saihara’s Hat:** it better not be

 

 **I Accidentally Ate A Greenfly:** maki???

 

 **I Stole Saihara’s Hat:** i’m not about to explain myself

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** biTCH YOU BETTER

 

 **I Don’t Believe In Robo Racism:** .....Iruma...?

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** NOT SURPRISED

 

 **I Broke Toujou’s Teapot:** but the question still remains- how did it happen??

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** MORE LIKE WHICH OF YOU DIPSHITS STOLE MY PANTIES

 

 **I Stole Amami’s Rings:** Everybody’s coming for your pantsu

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** yeah okay shirogane we know it’s you you weeb shit

 

 **I Stole Iruma’s Panties:** GONTA IS VERY SORRY GONTA CAN EXPLAIN

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** PLEASE DON’T

 

 **I Scratched Tsumugi’s Anime DVD’s:** om g

 

 **I Shaved Momota’s Beard:** GONTA!?!!

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** NO GONTA WHY

 

**_I Spilled Angie’s Paint_ ** _changed_ **_I Messed Up Kaede’s Sheet Music’s_ ** _username to_ **_NYO_ **

 

**_I Spilled Angie’s Paint_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Mer-Maid_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Broke Maki’s Bedroom Door’s_ ** _username to_ **_Come On And Slam_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Stole Saihara’s Hat’s_ ** _username to_ **_no_ **

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Just to avoid confusion, I changed the usernames of those we know

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I SAID I DIDN’T DO IT

 

 **no:** i’m going to need to have a word with you later

 

 **NYO:** nyahahahahaha

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Also, Yumeno, I’m fully aware that you smashed my teapot, so you might as well come forward.

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Broke Toujou’s Teapot_ ** _username to_ **_himicutie_ **

 

 **himicutie:** awww

 

 **I Stole Amami’s Rings:** I’m going to just admit I stole Amami’s rings for a cosplay- I just want to know how my DVD’s got scratched

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** tsumugi? it was you? i feel so betrayed

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** I SAID THAT EARLIER

 

 **I Also Stole Iruma’s Panties:** YOU FILTHY MALE YOU DID WHA T TO HIMIKO

 

 **I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye:** TENKO

 

 **I Tripped Himiko Over:** fuck

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Tripped Himiko Over’s_ ** _username to_ **_amaminion ranty_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Also Stole Iruma’s Panties’s_ ** _username to_ **_tencutie_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Stole Amami’s Ring’s_ ** _username to_ **_MewMewTsumugi_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Gave Hoshi Pinkeye’s_ ** _username to_ **_Iruma_ **

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Stole Iruma’s Panties’s_ ** _username to_ **_Bee Movie_ **

 

 **Iruma:** whAT

 

**_Iruma_ ** _changed their username to_ **_Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX_ **

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Own up- I have several scratched anime dvd’s and I’m going to find out who did it

 

 **amaminion ranty:** which ones were they?

 

 **NYO:** how did momota break maki’s door?

 

 **no:** I’d like to know that myself, actually

 

 **Come On And Slam:** i waS IN A HURRY TO GET YOU AND I JUST

 

 **I Accidentally Ate A Greenfly:** Is that why you were crying...?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I WASN’T CRYING

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** I’m still waiting!!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Whoever ate that greenfly, please confess! I won’t be too mad!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** yeah! he won’t be TOO mad!!!

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** MEANING HE’LL BREAK UR FUCKIN LEGS

 

 **I Accidentally Ate A Greenfly:** please don’t!!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** and it’s saihara

 

 **NYO:** nuuuuu i liked him!!

 

 **himicutie:** rip saihara

 

 **I Shaved Momota’s Beard:** don’t hurt him gonta!!

 

 **Come On And Slam:** KAED YOU BITCH

 

 **I Shaved Momota’s Beard:** I’M SORRY

 

 **tencutie:** HE DESERVES IT!! AND WHAT FILTHY MALE BROKE MY HANDBOOK! CONFESS!!

 

 **I Don’t Believe In Robo Racism:** Not to be a snitch, but I believe it was Kiibo.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** keebs did whaAT?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** HE’S A MURDERER

 

 **tencutie:** HE’S GOING TO BE MURDERED

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Also, Hello Shinguji. Nice to see you.

 

 **I Don’t Believe in Robo Racism:** I’d rather you changed my name back quickly before Kiibo comes onto the chat.

 

 **Mer-Maid:** I understand

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Don’t Believe in Robo Racism’s_ ** _username to_ **_Dear Sister_ **

 

 **Dear Sister:** Thank you. I tend to avoid Kiibo’s lectures.

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Shaved Momota’s Beard’s_ ** _username to_ **_DePussy_ **

 

 **DePussy:** sorry momota....thing’s got a little out of hand!!

 

 **Come On And Slam:** CLEARLY

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Accidentally Ate A Greenfly’s_ ** _username to_ **_ShuulockHolmes_ **

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** sorry gonta...

 

 **Bee Movie:** It’s okay!! If it was an accident it’s okay! Just be careful!

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** alright...

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** NO LEG BREAKING TODAY BOI

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Scratched Tsumugi’s Anime DVD’s_ ** _username to_ **_starboy_ **

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** YOU!!

 

 **starboy:** um

 

 **starboy:** what’s good

 

 **amaminion ranty:** so....when did you get pinkeye

 

 **starboy:** ffs

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** IT WASN’T ON PURPOSE

 

 **Dear Sister:** Oh my...

 

 **starboy:** look, i was with iruma one evening and i got really sick and had to use her bathroom. guess i was kind of resting my head on the toilet seat

 

 **starboy:** so yeah. not as scandalous as you thought

 

 **Dear Sister:** I’m somewhat disappointed...

 

 **starboy:** good.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** AHEM!

 

 **starboy:** im out

 

 **DePussy:** this is just like ouma to do this

 

 **amaminion ranty:** we’ll have to get him back soon

 

 **no:** i’m still not happy about my door

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I’M STILL NOT HAPPY ABOUT MY BEARD

 

 **himicutie:** lmao if usami read this she’d go buff bunny usami

 

 **NYO:** this was fun!!

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** lmao looks like momota ain’t gettin any for a while

 

 **no:** he’s never getting ‘anything’ ever again

 

 **no:** getting privileges revoked

 

 **Bee Movie** : It’s good we solved this without any conflict!!

 

 **himicutie:** sure big guy sure

 

 **tencutie:** THERE WILL BE CONFLICT

 

 **Bee Movie:** Oh dear! Please don’t hurt Kiibo too badly!!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** go and season your meat gonta

 

 **starboy:** st o p

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** STOP

 

 **himicutie:** nO

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** Hello everybody!!

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** Wait...

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** WAIT

 

 **tencutie:** YOU

 

 **tencutie:** STAY RIGHT THERE

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** WAIT NO

 

 **amaminion ranty:** bye kiibo

 

 **himicutie:** rip

 

 **starboy:** rip

 

 **no:** rip

 

 **Dear Sister:** RIP

 

 **Bee Movie:** Bye Kiibo!

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** HE WILL BE MISSED

 

 **Come On And Slam:** BYE KEEB

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** HELP ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have a clue man


	4. OumaxAsaku

 

 

 **PantaKing:** so how did it go?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** coz of tenko’s shitfit, i spent the whole night fixing kiboy up you’re an absolute dickwaffle

 

 **himicutie:** somehow she sounds calm when she isn’t keyboard smashin in all caps

 

 **Come On And Slam:** really cause i passed her lab earlier and she sure as shit didn’t sound calm

 

 **PantaKing:** lMAO I READ THROUGH THE CHAT you guys sure had fun huh!!

 

 **Dear Sister:** Our definitions of ‘fun’ are clearly different.

 

 **no:** I think you suffered the least shinguji- kiibo didn’t even find out what your username was changed to

 

 **himicutie:** so you don’t believe in robo racism huh?

 

 **Dear Sister:** I won’t go into it. Not now, not ever

 

 **no:** let’s keep it that way

 

 **PantaKing:** and i see you were planning to get me back? how’re you gonna do that?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** don’t tell ouma but we were totally gonna ignore him for a day

 

 **PantaKing:** huhhh? that’s SO MEAN AMAMI

 

 **tencutie:** It’s the very least you deserve you menace

 

 **NYO:** huh? ignore him? angie thought we was gonna pelt him with spaghetti

 

 **amaminion ranty:** angIE

 

 **NYO:** and and and tHE ALPHABET KIND

 

 **himicutie:** the best kind

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta likes Alphabetti Spaghetti too!

 

 **starboy:** any meat seasoning jokes and i will personally come to your room and deck you in your respective genitals

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** UH STOP STEALING MY USERNAME MIDGET

 

 **amaminion ranty:** yeah that’s my job

 

 **PantaKing:** does gonta season his spaghetti too

 

 **PantaKing:** waIT DOES THAT COUNT

 

 **PantaKing:** IT SENT TOO LATE

 

 **starboy:** it counts. give me five minutes

 

 **PantaKing:** STOP VICTIMISING ME WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME

 

 **no:** there’s nobody i’d rather watch get kicked in the nuts than ouma

 

 **DePussy:** yeah me too

 

 **Dear Sister:** I wholeheartedly agree

 

 **PantaKing:** YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES

 

 **Come On And Slam:** COMING FROM YOUR USERNAME-CHANGING ASS

 

 **himicutie:** how’s the beard momo?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** just fine

 

 **DePussy:** that bad, huh?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** THIS IS YOUR FAULT

 

 **DePussy:** i know and i said i was sorry!!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** “He gently cupped Asaku’s face, looking deep into his eyes, feeling his warm breath on his lips as he edged closer. This was happening.”

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** wait

 

 **Come On And Slam:** wHAT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** WHAT

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** I’M SORRY EXCUSE ME

 

 **PantaKing:** h OLY

 

 **DePussy:** tsuMUGI

 

 **NYO:** NYO

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** i ‘M SCREE CHING

 

 **himicutie:** who’s asaku huh

 

 **starboy:** i wanna know what was happening

 

 **Dear Sister:** So do I...

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t quite understand!!

 

 **no:** let it remain that way

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** I don’t think it’s surprising that Tsumugi likes to rp

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** THAT WAS THE WRONG CHAT JUST FORGET ABOUT IT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** uh nO

 

 **PantaKing:** I WANT THAT INSCRIBED ON MY HEADSTONE

 

 **DePussy:** ‘Here lies Ouma Kokichi - He gently cupped Asaku’s face, looking deep into his eyes, feeling his warm breath on his lips as he edged closer. This was happening’

 

 **himicutie:** now it sounds like oumaXasaku

 

 **NYO:** i ship it

 

 **Come On And Slam:** C’MON OUMA WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW

 

 **PantaKing:** ok so if i’m cupping asakus face and goin in for the kill

 

 **PantaKing:** ‘Ouma gently presses his lips against Asaku’s, revelling in how soft they felt. They remained like that for a few minutes, before gently lapping at each others bottom lips, letting their tongues dance the dance of love.’

 

 **Come On And Slam:** W H A T

 

 **amaminion ranty:** THE DANCE OF WHAT

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** I AM LEGIT GOING TO PISS RIGHT NOW

 

 **himicutie:** om g

 

 **NYO:** kami sama is disappointed

 

 **Bee Movie:** Can somebody explain this to Gonta?

 

 **no:** i am getting tf out of here now

 

 **DePussy:** i can t stop lagh ing

 

 **tencutie:** As much as Tenko respects gay couples, Tenko is not sticking around to watch this play out

 

 **Dear Sister:** I’ve read poetic romance novels from the 1700’s but this was just distasteful

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyed69_xxX:** D ES TROYED

 

 **starboy:** i actually flinched jfc

 

 **himicutie:** what’s tsumu gonna follow up with

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** ‘Asaku trembled under Ouma’s touch, letting Ouma dominate his mouth with his tongue. Asaku let out a small, breathy moan.

 

 **Come On And Slam:** N O

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** WHAAAAATTTT OMGGG

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta is still very confused!

 

 **himicutie:** is this going where i think this is going

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** please no

 

 **NYO:** please yes

 

 **PantaKing:** ‘Ouma smirked, feeling Asaku unravel under him- he had him right where he wanted him! He gently petted the inside of Asaku’s thigh’

 

 **himicutie:** NO

 

 **NYO:** NO

 

 **Come On And Slam:** NO

 

 **starboy:** NO

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** YES

 

 **Bee Movie:** What is going on?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i m gonna straight up die

 

 **DePussy:** omg

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** ‘Asaku flinched under Ouma’s touch, but shifted against him so their bodies were touching. He wanted this.’

 

 **himicutie:** we don’t want this

 

 **Dear Sister:** That’s...not Iruma I can hear, is it?

 

 **starboy:** making the ungodly sex noises? yes, yes it is

 

 **Dear Sister:** Of course it is

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i wanna die

 

 **Come On And Slam:** nobody wants this

 

 **DePussy:** apparently ouma does

 

 **PantaKing:** u fukkin know it

 

 **PantaKing:** ‘Ouma shifted up to straddle Asaku, deftly unbuttoning his shit....’

 

 **amaminion ranty:** w H AT

 

 **PantaKing:** *SHIRT I MEANT SHIRT GDI

 

 **Dear Sister:** Apparently Ouma has some rather unconventional interests...

 

 **himicutie:** how tf do you unbutton a shit

 

 **starboy:** shut up himiko please

 

 **himicutie:** i can hear you laughing omg

 

 **starboy:** yeah that’s your fault

 

 **Come On And Slam:** IRUMA SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU’RE GONNA FREAK OUT USAMI

 

 **Bee Movie:** Why is Ouma unbuttoning a shirt?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** cause he about to land some bee boy

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** my body is so ready for this

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** ‘Asaku allowed Ouma to unbutton his shirt, gently pressing kisses against his neck, letting his hands slide up Ouma’s shirt’

 

 **no:** holy shit

 

 **Come On And Slam:** OM G

 

 **himicutie:** i am invested in this

 

 **DePussy:** i’m slack jawed

 

 **starboy:** who tf is asaku anyway?

 

 **PantaKing:** UH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE YOU STONE-HEARTED LITTLE DIPSHIT

 

 **starboy:** scuse me?

 

 **PantaKing:** ‘Ouma moaned, letting Asaku push his shit off’

 

 **PantaKing:** AGAIN

 

 **PantaKing:** *SHIRT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** a GAIN

 

 **Come On And Slam:** LMAAAO

 

 **DePussy:** st op

 

 **Dear Sister:** You can’t deny it anymore, Ouma...

 

 **himicutie:** ouma’s ready to get his shit pushed in

 

 **starboy:** holy f u c k

 

 **starboy:** i can’t believe you made me read that with my own two eyes

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** CAN YOU HEAR HOW WET I AM

 

 **himicutie:** ur welcome

 

 **tencutie:** HISS

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** ‘Asaku gently grinded against Ouma, letting their bodies move in sync’

 

 **DePussy:** OKAY STOP NOW THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** LET ME HAVE THIS

 

 **himicutie:** this has got to stop

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i’m hyp erventilating wh at is this

 

 **Mer-Maid:** I’m here to intervene

 

 **Bee Movie:** Can somebody explain to Gonta what was happening?

 

 **starboy:** uh no

 

 **no:** nope

 

 **himicutie:** go to bed gonta

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Everybody go to bed

 

 **Mer-Maid:** It’s late

 

 **DePussy:** yes mum

 

 **PantaKing;** sorry mama

 

 **amaminion ranty:** lmao

 

 **Mer-Maid:** Goodnight Everybody

 

 **Mer-Maid:** And we will not be explaining this to...you know.

 

 **himicutie:** roger

 

 **starboy:** got it

 

 **NYO:** Goodnight everyone!

 

 **NYO:** except tsumugi

 

 **NYO:** kami sama hates you

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Huh?!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** d e s t r o y e d

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who is asaku anyway?


	5. DnD Disaster Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm tired and some of the gameplay is prob inaccurate to real DnD so sorry about that but this is in group chat so fuck it

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Okay, so...hear me out. I’m thinking of playing a game on here.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** no

 

 **PantaKing:** will ASAKU RETURN TO ME

 

 **Come On And Slam:** please no

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** No!! It’s not that!! Himiko and I were talking it over, weren’t we?

 

 **himicutie:** dungeons and dragons

 

 **Come On And Slam:** oh fucking boy

 

 **amaminion ranty:** not a bad idea tbh

 

 **DePussy:** i don’t know how to play?

 

 **PantaKing:** LET’S DO IT

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** I’ll just watch...

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** this is some nerd shit but aiight i’m in

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:**  Who's going to play?

 

 **Mer-Maid:** I have things to attend to

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta also doesn’t know how to play

 

 **Dear Sister:** This seems interesting, though I will remain as a spectator for now.

 

 **starboy:** what are we gonna do about a dice tho

 

 **himicutie:** i asked keeb to see if he could put a dice function in our chat. it’s possible, apparently

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** It is! I will implement it shortly!

 

 **I Broke Tenko’s Handbook:** Wait...

 

 **tencutie:** HISS

 

**_Mer-Maid_ ** _changed_ **_I Broke Tenko’s Handbook’s_ ** _username to_ **_Kiibo_ **

 

 **Come On And Slam:** Hell yeah!

 

 **NYO:** tsutsu! explain the rules! i wanna play!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Okay, so everybody must pick a character to be and decide what that character is good at- like if you’ve ever played video games you know characters have stats. I guess I’ll be Dungeon Master, so I’ll be controlling the flow of the game!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** I already have a quest planned and I’ll PM you all the smaller details, like what character you can be and stats and that.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** you already had this set up

 

 **PantaKing:** i’m gonna be amAZING

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** So when it’s your turn, you decide what you want to do! Kiibo will roll the ‘dice’ for us and the higher the number is, the better your action will be. I know it’s confusing...but I think it might work!

 

 **DePussy:** i’m just going to watch this play out

 

**_Dice_ ** _function has been added to_ **_Saishuu Academy Group Chat_ ** _by_ **_Kiibo_ **

 

 **Kiibo:** I will make sure this game goes fairly!

 

 **PantaKing:** kiibo’s totally gonna cheat

 

 **amaminion ranty:** cheater

 

 **Kiibo:** I’m not a cheater!!

 

 **NYO:** kami-sama is watching

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** To save time, at the start of your first turn, introduce your character and PM Kiibo your stats!

 

 **Kiibo:** Does that mean I’m Dungeon Master too?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Of course, Kiibo. We can be it together.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** so tsumugi tells the story and kiibo does the calculations. fair

 

 **DePussy:** this is going to go horribly

 

 **no:** yeah

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** this is gonna go tits up and i cannot wait- whose playing?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Okay! Playing order is Himiko, Amami, Ouma, Momota, Hoshi, Miu and Angie. Write that down!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** kk

 

 **PantaKing:** gremlin is playing?

 

 **starboy:** you got a problem?

 

 **PantaKing:** i didn’t know you liked nerd games

 

 **starboy:** you’re a dick

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Let’s begin!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You all slowly regain consciousness to find yourselves all locked in a cell with wooden bars. The room is dark, though dimly lit by a small candle that sits on the table in the far corner. Your cells are all lined up in a row in the order of your turn (it’s easier that way). The table has several draws, but aside from the table and the candle, there is a hook above the table holding a key!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Himiko, you’re up!

 

 **himicutie:** okay i’m an elven sorceress called saucy saucy

 

 **starboy:** saucy what now

 

 **himicutie:** shut

 

 **himicutie:** okay, i’m going to enchant the lock of the cell to open for me.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Roll for magic power!

 

 **himicutie:** hit it keebs

 

 **Kiibo:** The dice has rolled a ten!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You just about scrape the lock open and make your escape!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Well done Himiko!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Amami’s up next

 

 **amaminion ranty:** uh diverging from the normal races, i am a minion from despicable me. i am also a thief. i am a thief minion.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** also my name is nagito

 

 **PantaKing:** why a miNION? AND Why nagito? that’s kinda weird?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** idk

 

 **Come On And Slam:** ur a fuckin minion you dipshit

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** amami just won everybody else go home

 

 **amaminion ranty:** okay so i’m small and a thief. i want to pick the lock

 

 **himicutie:** with whaT?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** my claws

 

 **starboy:** wtf

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** you...want the pick the lock with your bare, yellow, minion fingers...?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** claws

 

 **amaminion ranty:** roll me kiibo roll me for luck

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 17!

 

 **Come On And Slam:** holy fuck

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You...succeed. Your tiny finger-claws managed to pick the lock and the lock falls from the cell door, allowing you to escape.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** somehow you don’t seem happy about that and i wonder why

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** is this going to be a normal game?

 

 **no:** why would you think that?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** next up is Ouma...

 

 **PantaKing:** yes hello i am a panta goblin called extensive-grapes and i am a bard

 

 **himicutie:** so literally the most useless character here

 

 **PantaKing:** I beg himiko to open my door for me

 

 **himicutie:** what

 

 **tencutie:** WHAT

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Kiibo, roll for Charisma

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled an 11!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Stats included...uh...’saucy saucy’ gives in and helps unlock....’extensive-grapes’ door?

 

 **himicutie:** shit

 

 **tencutie:** hmmmmmph

 

 **PantaKing:** nailed it

 

 **starboy:** this can only mean somebody is going to fuck up spectacularly

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Well, Momota’s up next so I’m praying for the best

 

 **Come On And Slam:** okaY i am a fighter! and a human! and my name is Maki

 

 **no:** what

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** LMAO

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I wanna unlock the door with my dick can i unlock the door with my dick

 

 **starboy:** usually dnd games start off serious and dive into insanity but this is just hell right off the bat

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Fine....Kiibo?

 

 **Kiibo:** You roll a 2.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** LMAO

 

 **himicutie:** LOL

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Omg...Okay, so you, in what I assume is a fit of insanity, unbutton your pants and....attempt to unlock the door with your dick. Your dick gets stuck in the lock. You are now trapped in jail and full of shame.

 

 **starboy:** omg

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xXX:** I’M PSSING

 

 **PantaKing:** INSTRUCTIONS UNCLEAR GOT MY DICK CAUGHT IN A LOCK

 

 **no:** hahah

 

 **Come On And Slam:** god fuckin damnit next

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Hoshi?

 

 **starboy:** i’m a ghost . i have no name

 

 **PantaKing:** YOU NEED A NAME PICK ONE RIGHT NOW

 

 **starboy:** what no

 

 **starboy:** fine himiko hmu

 

 **himicutie:** ghostie toastie

 

 **starboy:** good enough

 

 **Come On And Slam:** LMAO

 

 **starboy:** uh...i just....pass through the bars?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** do...do we roll magic for that?

 

 **Kiibo:** I think we do! You rolled a 19.

 

 **starboy:** yesss

 

 **Come On And Slam:** THAT’S BULLSHIT I’M CALLING SHENANIGANS

 

 **no:** you’re just a sore loser

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You float through the bars with utmost grace. Next up is Miu!

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** I’m a centaur woman but the top half is the horse and the bottom half is the woman. my name is chad

 

 **himicutie:** wt f

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i’m cry ingg

 

 **Come On And Slam:** CHAD

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Why did I think this was a good idea...

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** I use my horse head to bite TH EBARS IN HALF MOTHER FUCKER

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Do we roll strength or luck for this...?

 

 **Dear Sister:** I like the fact that even though Tsumugi mentioned a key, nobody has even attempted to do anything regarding it.

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 2

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer_xxX:** WH AT

 

 **PantaKing:** LMAO

 

 **himicutie:** omg

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You go to bite the bars off by tilting your head and grabbing it with your mouth. Your head gets stuck sideways between the bars and you have no space to bite down.

 

 **starboy:** hahah omg

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** gFDI WHY

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Maki offers a consoling look

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** FUCK OFF WITH YOUR SYMPATHY BULLSHIT

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Last but not least, Angie.

 

 **NYO:** Angie is a fairy! And the fairy’s name is sausage

 

 **himicutie:** om gggg i’m gon cry

 

 **amaminion ranty:** SAUSAGE

 

 **Come On And Slam:** W HY

 

 **NYO:** angie likes sausages!!

 

 **Bee Movie:** Gonta likes sausages too!

 

 **no:** nO

 

 **DePussy:** NO

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** pAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMAAAO

 

 **PantaKing:** GONTA LIKES SAUSAGE

 

 **starboy:** fms

 

 **NYO:** angie was gonna call her fairy wurst but that wasn’t as cute

 

 **amaminion ranty:** what the fu cuk

 

 **starboy:** just straight up kill me right now

 

 **himicutie:** angie is a blessing

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Well...sausage...how are you gonna escape?”

 

 **NYO:** Angie wants sausage to use her magic to blast the lock off the door! Can she do that?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** We’ll see...Kiibo?

 

 **Kiibo:** She rolled a 9

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You cast the spell, but miss the lock entirely and accidentally hit...extensive-grapes. He is now missing his left hand.

 

 **PantaKing:** ANGIE YOU BITCH

 

 **tencutie:** WATCH IT

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Okay, so...most of you have made it out, but the ruckus from your spellcasting and whatnot has alerted something. You can hear several footsteps making their way towards you. What now? Himiko?

 

 **himicutie:** I feel bad, so I’m gonna use my magic to let Angie out.

 

 **NYO:** sausage

 

 **himicutie:** i’m gonna let my sausage out

 

 **starboy:** om f g

 

 **no:** please don’t

 

 **amaminion ranty:** lET THE SAUSAGE FREE

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Okay, Kiibo, roll for magic?

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 6!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Your magic bounces off the lock and hits extensive-grapes. he is now handless

 

 **PantaKing:** what thE FUCK

 

 **himicutie:** nailed it

 

 **NYO:** Can Angie rename her fairy to Nyonkerbell?

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer69_xxX:** NYONKER WHAT

 

 **no:** omg

 

 **Come On And Slam:** OMF G WHAT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** this is the fucking best

 

 **Xxx_pussydestroyer_xxX:** HEY SHYHARA COME OVER HERE AND SLAP MY NYONKERS

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** omg

 

 **amaminion ranty:** I AM DEAD GOODBYE

 

 **Come On And Slam:** SLAP THEM NYONKERS SAIHARA

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** please leave me alone

 

 **himicutie:** omfg why

 

 **starboy:** i legit can’t breathe wtf is wrong with you guys

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Omg...next is Amami!

 

 **amaminion ranty:** okay i’m gonna take the key and i’m gonna eat it

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Why would you do that?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** because now roll the dice keeb

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 13

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You take the key from it’s hook and swallow it down in one gulp.

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i also wanna give extensive-grapes the middle finger. do i roll for that?

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 4

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You stick up the wrong finger. Extensive-grapes is offended nonetheless

 

 **amaminion ranty:** nailed it

 

 **PantaKing:** fuck you too babe

 

 **amaminion ranty:** ;D

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Ouma?

 

 **PantaKing:** I wanna pick up the candle.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You have no hands

 

 **PantaKing:** I wanna pick up the candle.

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 1

 

 **amaminion ranty:** CRITICAL FAIL

 

 **Come On And Slam:** LMAO

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You go to grab the candle. You stick your hand stumps in the candle. It burns.

 

 **PantaKing:** yes

 

 **himicutie:** nailed it

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Momota?

 

 **Come On And Slam:** I use my charms to charm himiko into helping me unlock my cell

 

 **himicutie:** gdi why is it always me?

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 10

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Saucy saucy’s magic unlocks the lock, however your dick remains trapped in the lock.

 

 **Come On And Slam:** fair. make’s a good addition. i will call him john

 

 **NYO:** hello john

 

 **amaminion ranty:** hello john

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Next is Hoshi?

 

 **starboy:** uh okay I wanna search the desk then. do i have to roll for that?

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 16!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You find a small envelope, a bottle of poison and a pair of handcuffs.

 

 **starboy:** i burn the envelope and handcuff the minion to one of the jail bars

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** eh? but the letters important?

 

 **starboy:** roll the dice, kiibo

 

 **Kiibo:** You roll an 11.

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** you snuff out the candle trying to burn the envelope, but you do successfully handcuff nagito to the jail bars. Well done....?

 

 **amaminion ranty:** screw you gremlin

 

 **starboy:** eat shit minion

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Miu?

 

**_Xxx_pussydestroy69_xxX_ ** _changed their username to_ **_banyonkanyonk_ **

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** I charm the ghost to help me out with my hot sexy body

 

 **Come On And Slam:** BANYONKANYONK

 

 **amaminion ranty:** she got that banyonkanyonk

 

 **starboy:** oh god

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 20!

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** Y E S

 

 **starboy:** wait what no

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** The ghost completely falls in love with the....odd centuar girl. He complies and frees her from her prison. What a cute ship!

 

 **starboy:** god fucking damnit

 

 **himicutie:** i feel bad for you son

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** suck on that gremlin

 

 **starboy:** no thanks i don’t know where you’ve been

 

 **himicutie:** oho

 

 **amaminion ranty:** buRN

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** YOU SON OF A BITCH GDI

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Angie?

 

 **NYO:** nyonkerbell is still locked up so nyonkerbell is going to try again! magic!

 

 **Kiibo:** You rolled a 13

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** You manage to destroy the lock, but made a lot of noise in doing so. Lots of people have most likely heard you by now!

 

 **PantaKing:** wait weren’t there people coming after us at the beginning of this turn?

 

 **himicutie:** i think we’re fucked now

 

 **NYO:** yep!

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** Well you could still save it! Let’s continue...


	6. DnD Disaster Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who fuckin knows

**MewMewTsumugi:** Suddenly, the door to the cells bursts open, revealing two heavily armoured human guards wielding large spears! It appears to be just the two of them, but they’re ready to attack. Himiko?

 

**himicutie:** saucy saucy uses her magic to freeze one of the guards. keeb?

 

**Kiibo:** You rolled a 9!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** You manage to freeze the guards legs! His upper body remains unfrozen, however.

 

**PantaKing:** lame

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** It’s the only normal answer we’ve had so far...The second guard watches in anger as his companion is frozen to the ground, before lashing out at you!

 

**himicutie:** aww....amami?

 

**amaminion ranty:** i’m still chained to the jail bars?? uhh...i use my cute minion charms to convince them to leave me alone, since i’m still chained up

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Uh...physically impossible, I would imagine, but alright!

 

**Kiibo:** You rolled a 2...

 

**banyonkanyonk:** LMAO

 

**Come On And Slam:** i’d fucking shit if he got a 20

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** The guard takes one look at you and throws up onto the floor. He brandishes his spear and attacks you. You lose quite a bit of health.

 

**amaminion ranty:** this is bullshit to the highest degree

 

**starboy:** most realistic thing to happen all game

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Okay, next up, is Ouma! Or...extensive-grapes?

 

**himicutie:** seriously wtf is with that name

 

**PantaKing:** okay okay so like i shove my burning hand stumps into the frozen guards eyes

 

**Come On And Slam:** What. The. Fuck.

 

**PantaKing:** roll me like one of your french girls keebs

 

**Kiibo:** Ahem, you rolled...a 19?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** EXCUSE ME

 

**amaminion ranty:** uh no

 

**himicutie:** this is such shenanigans wtf

 

**PantaKing:** YES

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Uh...you shove your still smouldering hand stumps into the frozen guards eyes. The guard screams in pain- but it doesn’t kill him. He is now blind, however.

 

**PantaKing:** good enough

 

**starboy:** i hate how that was actually somewhat helpful

 

**PantaKing:** ur just afraid of loving me  <3 <3 <3

 

**starboy:** send me hearts again and i will come over there and rip yours out

 

**himicutie:** do it ouma do it send him the love

 

**PantaKing:** WHY DOES EVERYBODY WANT ME DEAD

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** because nobody likes you?

 

**amaminion ranty:** OM F G

 

**Come On And Slam:** SIAHARA WHAT THE FUCK 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** SAVAGE SHYHARA BEAT HIM BOIII

 

**no:** well it’s true

 

**NYO:** not even kami-sama likes ouma

 

**PantaKing:** OUMA IS BEYOND KAMI-SAMA OUMA WILL KICK KAMI-SAMA’S ASS

 

**NYO:** YOU WANNA GO YOU SILLY SAUSAGE

 

**himicutie:** om g

 

**starboy:** did she just call hi m

 

**amaminion ranty:** BEST INSULT EVER

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i’m dying scoob

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Is there even a point continuing this? Next up is Momota

 

**Come On And Slam:** I heavy run up to the frozen guard and whack him in the face with john on my john

 

**himicutie:** ex cuSE M

 

**starboy:** john on his john

 

**amaminion ranty:** i like how he explicitly states he heavy runs

 

**byanyonkanyonk:** i’m deaad scoob

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** I hate you guys. Kiibo?

 

**Kiibo:** You roll a 15

 

**PantaKing:** is nobody gonna talk about how he’s hitting a guard in the face with his dong

 

**NYO:** his sausage

 

**PantaKing:** BOI

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Huh….you heavy run towards the frozen guard, jump into the air and hit him square in the jaw with john...and your john. He is dazed but not unconscious.

 

**Come On And Slam:** son of a bitch

 

**DePussy:** can you guys wrap this up it’s late and my handbook won’t stop flashing?

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** How about we end this turn and carry on another time? Next is Hoshi

 

**starboy:** umm hows about i possess the guard that isn’t frozen and try to kill myself

 

**himicutie:** you uh

 

**himicutie:** you got some problems goin on hosh?

 

**amaminion ranty:** you okay dude?

 

**Come On And Slam:** you want someone to talk to?

 

**starboy:** shut up and let me project my deepest desires onto this ghost. Kiibo?

 

**Kiibo:** You roll a 9!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** you, uh...you possess him, but in an attempt to kill yourself- you end up swinging your spear into Nagito

 

**amaminion ranty:** w H AT

 

**starboy:** son of a bitch even in dnd and i can’t fucking kill myself

 

**himicutie:** seriously you’re taking a walk with me tomorrow we need to talk

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i don’t profess to know abuot emotional subjects but this is messed up

 

**tencutie:** I’d be tempted to be mad but this shows that himiko is so nice- you should be very grateful!

 

**starboy:** can we fucking move on already

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Miu?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i seduce the ghost into flying up into my vagina

 

**starboy:** W H AT

 

**amaminion ranty:** sure that’ll curse the depression

 

**amaminion ranty:** cure

 

**himicutie:** nah i think you got it right the first time

 

**PantaKing:** if hoshi crawled up into a vagina would that be vore?

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ was kicked from the chat by  _ **_starboy_ **

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WT HA I’M PISIFNG

 

**amaminion ranty:** i’m sorRY WH AT?

 

**himicutie:** to make me read that with my own two eyes

 

**Come On And Slam:** he’s got a point tho?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** it would be reverse vore

 

**_Come On And Slam_ ** _ was kicked from the chat by  _ **_starboy_ **

 

**_banyonkanyonk_ ** _ was kicked from the chat by  _ **_starboy_ **

 

**himicutie:** damn what a shame

 

**amaminion ranty:** it was her go as well

 

**Kiibo:** It...was probably for the best seeing as she rolled a 20.

 

**amaminion ranty:** WHAT

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** omg

 

**himicutie:** OMFG

 

**starboy:** so i don’t get to kill myself but i get to fly into miu’s weird horse vagina fucking fantastic

 

**NYO:** kami-sama hates all of you

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Ignoring the last turn, it’s Angie’s go next!

 

**NYO:** nyonkerbell wants to kill ouma

 

**himicutie:** finally a good idea

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Kiibo?

 

**Kiibo:** You rolled a 10

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** Fuck it, you kill extensive-grapes but the shot rebounds and kills everybody else. You’re all dead. 

 

**starboy:** yikes

 

**NYO:** ANGIE WINS!!

 

**himicutie:** of course you did

 

**Kiibo:** Congratulations Angie!!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** I’m going to bed. Don’t ever talk to me again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angie wins


	7. The Story of Princess Sausage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> strap in guys

 

**NYO:** Once upon a time there was a silly little princess called Sausage.

 

**NYO:** Sausage was an average looking princess, who lived in a big, big yellow castle with a wall that wasn’t financially supplied by the townspeople. But her dress was, because it was like HUGE!!

 

**NYO:** One night, Sausage was fast asleep in her big princess bed, dreaming about dolphins, cakes and that really glittery guy from Labyrinth with the crystal balls.

 

**NYO:** the one who looks a bit like david bowie

 

**NYO:** Anyway, suddenly, she awoke to see a tiny fairy hovering outside her window!! She opened the window to let the pretty fairy in!

 

**NYO:** The tiny fairy said ‘My name is Nyonkerbell ™ I’m here to take you on a big adventure!!”

 

**NYO:** Nyonkerbell waved her sparkly wand over Sausage and turned Sausage into a fairy!! Sausage found it difficult to fly with her fairy wings at first, but she figured it out after about an hour but she didn’t get a wand like Nyonkerbell. 

 

**NYO:** The wand was like one of those spinny light up wands. 

 

**NYO:** I got one and my friend had an epileptic attack

 

**NYO:** Then, Nyonkerbell took Sausage outside and they flew high above the town, seeing the dots of light beneath them. It looked like reverse swiss cheese.

 

**NYO:** “Where are we going?” Asked Sausage, holding onto Nyonkerbell’s hand.

 

**NYO:** “We’re going to see somebody very special!! You see, your life hasn’t really meant much up until now! You’re rich and you have everything you need but there’s nothing of true value there!”

 

**NYO:** Sausage was confused. She did lots of things for the townsfolk on a daily basis. Was that not true value?

 

**NYO:** “Who is this person?” Asked Sausage, as they flew higher into the sky but they were fairies and fairies need less oxygen so they were fine.

 

**NYO:** “You’ll have to figure it out aaaall by yourself!”

 

**NYO:** Sausage was very confused about figuring the person out, but she let Nyonkerbell lead her away from the town and to a new town! They stopped there at a train station!!

 

**NYO:** But to Sausage’s horror, there was a person tied to the tracks- no there were two people! But on the other track, there was only one person tied to the track and a train was coming!!

**NYO:** “You have to save them, Sausage!” Nyonkerbell cried.

 

**NYO:** But how was Sausage supposed to save all three of them at once? The train was getting closer!!

 

**NYO:** Sausage decided to go and save the two people but suddenly- another train burst in and slid sideways over the tracks killing everybody.

 

**NYO:** “OH NO IT’S MULTI TRACK DRIFTING!”

 

 **NYO:** See your body into the moonlight

Even if I try to cancel

All the pictures into the mind

There's a flashing in my eyes

 

Don't you see my commission, the nation

Has gone running again

Can't you see now, illusions

Right into your mind

 

Deja vu

I've just been in this place before

Higher on the street

And I know it's my time to go

Calling you, and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, woah

Deja vu

I've just been in this time before

Higher on the beat

And I know it's a place to go

Calling you and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, yeah

 

See the future into the present

See my past leaves in the distance

Try to guess now what's going on

And the band begins to play

 

Don't you see my commission, the nation

Has gone running again

Can't you see now, illusions

Right into your mind

 

Deja vu

I've just been in this place before

Higher on the street

And I know it's my time to go

Calling you, and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, woah

Deja vu

I've just been in this time before

Higher on the beat

And I know it's a place to go

Calling you and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, yeah

 

See your body into the moonlight

Even if I try to cancel

All the pictures into the mind

There's a flashing in my eyes

 

Don't you see my commission, the nation

Has gone running again

Can't you see now, illusions

Right into your mind

 

Deja vu

I've just been in this place before

Higher on the street

And I know it's my time to go

Calling you, and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, woah

Deja vu

I've just been in this time before

Higher on the beat

And I know it's a place to go

Calling you and the search is a mystery

Standing on my feet

It's so hard when I try to be me, yeah

 

**NYO:** wait

 

**NYO:** Ignore that bit

 

**NYO:** So all the people died and Sausage was sad- she couldn’t save them!! What was she supposed to do?

 

**NYO:** “They weren’t going to survive so you should’ve prayed for a safe afterlife for them!” Nyonkerbell told her, hitting her over the head with her wand.

 

**NYO:** Sausage thought about it and nodded, ready for whatever was coming next.

 

**NYO:** Next, Nyonkerbell took her to a big temple, where a cow was strapped to a big table.

 

**NYO:** “Perform a blood sacrifice!” Nyonkerbell told her.

 

**NYO:** Sausage was scared, but to find out who she was supposed to meet, she took a knife and killed the cow.

 

**NYO:** Nyonkerbell shook her head with disappointment. “You weren’t supposed to kill the cow. You only needed a bit of blood.”

 

**NYO:** Like an arm or a leg or soemthing

 

**NYO:** cows don’t have legs

 

**NYO:** wait cows don’t have arms

 

**NYO:** what are cows?

 

**NYO:** Sausage was sad that she killed a cow and the cow did the thing where it sticks it’s armlegs into the air and like sticks its tongue out like a corpse but a cow corpse

 

**NYO:** I tipped a cow once and it died

 

**NYO:** Nyonkerbell drew a white chalk outline around the cow depicting the place of the murder before flying Sausage away because it would save the police time.

 

**NYO:** Finally, Nyonkerbell took Sausage high into the sky where they sat on some clouds

 

**NYO:** “Have you figured out who you’re supposed to meet?” Nyonkerbell asked, waving her sparkly wand

 

**NYO:** Sausage thought long and hard before shaking her head! Who was she supposed to meet?

 

**NYO:** “This is proof you need kami-sama! With the power of kami-sama, you’ll be safe through life and death! All those people and that cow you killed are with kami-sama now!”

 

**NYO:** Sausage was sad the people died but kami-sama tho

 

**NYO:** “Is kami-sama nice?” She asked

 

**NYO:** Nyonkerbell nodded, “Kami-sama is very nice and kami-sama will forgive you for the murders if you pray to him thrice daily and perform a blood sacrifice every other day! Have a pamphlet on how to cut meat from a cow.”

 

**NYO:** because kami-sama doesn’t tolerate wasting food, even for a religious lesson

 

**NYO:** We ate the cow I tipped

 

**NYO:** it was delicious

 

**NYO:** Sausage read the pamphlet and dragged the cow back to her castle where she made steak and prayed to kami-sama before eating

 

**NYO:** Nyonkerbell disappeared back into the sky telling her to be good, to pray to kami-sama, to eat her greens and not look up pictures of naked animals on the internet

 

**NYO:** Sausage lived a happy life praying to kami-sama before dying and living with kami-sama forever and ever and that one cow too

 

**NYO:** The End

 

**NYO:** why are all cows female?

 

**PantaKing:** what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we could make a religion out of this


	8. In which Ouma is the literal worst but nobody wants to pay attention...

**PantaKing:** so you guys i got a cool thing i wanna share with yall

 

**amaminion ranty:** yall

 

**NYO:** yall

 

**no:** god

 

**PantaKing:** shut yall faces up i got a really cool thing right so the other night i went on all your handbooks

 

**DePussy:** wHAT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yALL BETTER NOT’VE

 

**amaninion ranty:** not’ve

 

**Come On And Slam:** is nobody going to talk about angie’s literary masterpiece?

 

**Dear Sister:** It’s right up there with Pride and Prejudice and Animal Farm.

 

**NYO:** just doin kami-sama’s work

 

**himicutie:** ouma what have you done

 

**PantaKing:** so like...i went around and i copied the last thing on all your clipboards on your handbooks!

 

**Come On And Slam:** english please

 

**himicutie** : tf does that mean

 

**Kiibo:** I believe I can explain! 

 

**Kiibo:** When you use the copy and paste function on a computer, the item you copy is placed onto your ‘clipboard’. I believe what Ouma has done has retrieved the last thing everybody has copy and pasted on their handbooks!

 

**Kiibo:** Wait

 

**tencutie:** he DID WHAT

 

**himicutie:** uh oh

 

**no:** you sound pretty guilty 

 

**Bee Movie:** What’s copy and paste?

 

**starboy:** at least gonta is safe

 

**PantaKing:** now now now who shall we start with??

 

**NYO:** kami-sama is testing me

 

**NYO:** wait no ouma do me first i already know i’m safe!!

 

**Dear Sister:** I assume the last thing you copied were the lyrics to Deja Vu from Initial D.

 

**himicutie:** i love that song

 

**PantaKing:** yeah yeah that’s angies borriiing 

 

**PantaKing:** “He leant over, pushing his **** deep into the other man’s ****, rubbing his **** as the man moaned beneath him, “N-Ngah~~!! H-Harder~!!”

 

**himicutie:** death

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh my…

 

**starboy:** time to die

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i’m so glad that isn’t mine

 

**banyonkanyonk:** LMAO WTF IS THAT god that’s so hot tho

 

**amaminion ranty:** i bet you my life savings that it’s tsumugi

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** It’s not mine!!

 

**DePussy:** it’s absolutely yours

 

**no:** it’s so obvious

 

**PantaKing:** guys guys ur all right

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** OUMA!!!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** y’all better send that shit over to me girl i need fap material

 

**starboy:** you can fap? 

 

**himicutie:** there sumthin you arent tellin us?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** SHUT UP THATS NOT DIOWFJW

 

**MewMewTsumugi** : I can pm you the whole convo if you want >:3c

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ur a babe mugi  <333

 

**Dear Sister:** I wonder who that was between...Ouma and his faux lover, perhaps…?

 

**PantaKing:** ASDFG WAS IT MY PASSIONATE REUNION WITH ASAKU

 

**tencutie:** there was nothing passionate about that

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is certain he doesn’t know anything that’s going on right now.

 

**PantaKing:** yeah soz you guys gonta’s got nothing

 

**no:** good

 

**DePussy:** that’s how it should be

 

**Come On And Slam** : dont let the bug man die

 

**PantaKing:** anywAY WHO’S NEXTTT

 

**no:** you

 

**NYO** : maki-chan!!

 

**no:** no

 

**PantaKing** : let’s seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

**PantaKing: ‘** Effective ways to wash out bloodstains.’

 

**PantaKing:** hm

 

**amaminion ranty:** hm

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** thats….incredibly worrying.

 

**Mer-Maid:** Oh, that one was mine. It’s just for the laundry.

 

**Dear Sister** : That doesn’t seem to make it less disturbing….

 

**Banyonkanyonk:** toj who u been killing?

 

**amaminion ranty:** toj

 

**Come On And Slam:** toj

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ changed  _ **_Mer-Maid_ ** _ ’s username to  _ **_toj_ **

 

**toj:** Oh.

 

**no:** oh

 

**DePussy:** oh

 

**PantaKing** : hhhfFFFF it’s no fun when you just admit it like that!!!!

 

**PantaKing** : neXT

 

**Come On And Slam:** chRIST

 

**Dear Sister** : Makes me wonder just what Ouma could be hiding.

 

**PantaKing:** i want a vagina on my lesbian cake

 

**PantaKing:** well then

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i

 

**no:** hm. Interesting.

 

**starboy:** well it ain’t hard to figure out who it could be

 

**himicutie:** for the record, its not me

 

**banyonkanyonk:** tHAT MEANS IT’S TENKO CASE CLOSED mystery solved

 

**amaminion ranty:** good job scoob

 

**tencutie:** OUMA

 

**tencutie:** wHERE ARE YOU HIDING

 

**Come On And Slam:** ruh roh

 

**himicutie:** i mean idk bout u guys but a vag cake sounds pretty good

 

**starboy:** i see 0 problems with that idea

 

**banyonkanyonk:** now you can eat pussy literally

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t know why everybody would want to eat cats. That’s mean.

 

**starboy:** wH A

 

**himicutie:** GOD

 

**banyonkanyonk:** FGHAJDKFWOQO

 

**PantaKing:** ASDF LMAO

 

**amaminion ranty:**  im’’ wh eez,,ing

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey gonta do you season pussy before you eat it?

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t eat cats!!

 

**no:** i

 

**banyonkanyonk:** but u like meat right?

 

**Bee Movie** : Gonta supposes so.

 

**DePussy:** what are you doing iruma

 

**PantaKing:** hey gonta do you like sausages?

 

**NYO:** SAUSAHE

 

**no:**  NO

 

**toj:** No.

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** nO

 

**Bee Movie:** Why, yes! 

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh dear...

 

**himicutie:** the rumour come out- does gonta is gay?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** looks like the bug man is a gay man

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is confused! You’ve got it all wrong, Gonta likes everybody!

 

**DePussy:** we all like you too, gonta!!

 

**NYO:** gonta is so pureeee!!

 

**no:** if you trick him into saying those things again you’re going to have a nasty appointment with the bottom of my foot.

 

**toj:** Indeed.

 

**PantaKing:** hey!!! you’re all getting off track!!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** don’t you think that’s for the best?

 

**PantaKing:** NO!!!

 

**Kiibo:** Well if it helps, I don’t have anything Ouma could’ve found- I have no use for the copy-paste function!

 

**PantaKing:** borrinnnnnggg. nobody cares about you kiibo

 

**amaminion ranty:** rip

 

**banyonkanyonk:** rekt

 

**Come On And Slam:** D E S T R O Y E D

 

**Kiibo:** That’s not very nice, you know!!

 

**PantaKing:** NEXT

 

**PantaKing:** how to grow weed

 

**DePussy:** um

 

**PantaKing:** WOW

 

**banyonkanyonk:** whOS DEAL’’NG DR UGS

 

**Come On And Slam:** someones blazing whos blazing come on out ya fox

 

**himicutie:** why a fox

 

**amaminion ranty:** swiper no blazing say it with me now

 

**NYO:** jesus didn’t die for this

 

**no:** debatable

 

**toj:** I’m going to stay out of this- it’s none of my business really.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** what did the fox say

 

**banyonkanyonk:** 420 blaze it

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** just a reminder: drugs are illegal.

 

**PantaKing:** fuck your face saihara

 

**amaminion ranty:** IMS ORRY??

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** w hat

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yOU HEARD HIM SHYHARA

 

**starboy:** physically impossible

 

**himicutie:** what did u try or somethin?

 

**starboy:** dont call me out like this

 

**DePussy:** mgonna have to ask you to stop hitting on my girl thanx

 

**Come On And Slam:** OHOH REKT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** looks like shyhara is a married woman 

 

**PantaKing:** whAT ABOUT ME!?!?!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** What about you?

 

**no:** ow

 

**PantaKing:** WHY DONT U WANT MEEEEE

 

**amaminion ranty:** ahem cough cough

 

**PantaKing:** oh hi

 

**Come On And Slam:** looks like youre sleeping outside tonight dude

 

**PantaKing:** AMAMI LOVES ME DONT YOU TELL ME U DO

 

**amaminion ranty:** sorry, ladies, he’s single

 

**no:** dont you mean taken?

 

**amaminion ranty:** i know what i said

 

**banyonkanyonk:** L MAO

 

**Come On And Slam:** OH S N A P

 

**himicutie:** omfg

 

**PantaKing:** WHAR WHYYYYY ASDFG

 

**PantaKing:** UR SO MEAAAAANN WWAAAAHHHHH

 

**no:** is he...crying ….over message?

 

**starboy:** somehow that’s worse than crytyping

 

**no:** well at least hes not crying right into my ear…

 

**PantaKing:** fINE THEN!!! cuz ur bein such a meanie pants that one was totally amamis

 

**PantaKing:** sAIHARA ARREST THAT WEED

 

**Come On And Slam:** 911 whatcha smokin’?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** no wAIT WEEDMAN ARREST THAT POLICE

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i ,,,, what???

 

**Dear Sister:** Just who is arresting who here?

 

**PantaKing:** actually fuck it- just arrest shinguji plz

 

**banyonkanyonk:** take him to jail

 

**himicutie:** no problems with that

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh.

 

**Come On And Slam:** sorry buddy ur goin to the slammer

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey hoshi did u ever get slammed in the slammer

 

**starboy:** hey

 

**starboy:** hey

 

**starboy:** you hear that??

 

**starboy:** that’s the sound of all your inventions mysteriously breaking.

 

**no:** hm. wonder who couldve done that

 

**himicutie:** it’s a scooby doo mystery

 

**banyonkanyonk:** BREAK MY INVENSTIONS N ILL BREAK UR FACE U LITTLE SKANK

 

**Dear Sister:** Sorry, why am I getting arrested again?

 

**tencutie:** go to jail

 

**PantaKing:** im arresting you on suspicion

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** on suspicion…

 

**Dear Sister:** On suspicion of what?

 

**PantaKing:** weed

 

**Come On And Slam:** im arresting you on suspicion of weed

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** i’m arresting you on suspicion of shinguji

 

**DePussy:** wtf is going on

 

**NYO:** 911, this is weed, what’s your shinguji?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** LMAO

 

**himicutie:** call for backup

 

**amaminion ranty:** IM LAUGI NG

 

**Come On And Slam:** oh how the turntables

 

**PantaKing:** WE’RE GETTING OFF TRACK AGAINNN

 

**DePussy:** ouma go to jail

 

**byanyonkanyonk:** into the slammer he goes

 

**PantaKing:** WHAT WHYYY??

 

**amaminion ranty:** have fu nwith the bad boys babe

 

**PantaKing:** iM NOT LETTING ANYONE NEAR MY ASS

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** nobody is near your ass

 

**no:** nobody wants to be near your ass

 

**Dear Sister:** I was led to believe that was actually a myth…

 

**PantaKing:** HAH im safe

 

**starboy:** i wouldn’t say that

 

**starboy:** the police sure do like their cavity searches so have fun w that

 

**PantaKing:** WH A T

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** Now that’s definitely not a myth

 

**Come On And Slam:** Ouma’s gonna gET SPIKED

 

**PantaKing:** THIS ISNT FAIIIR!! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME BRINGING UP EVERYBODYS HIDDEN SHITTTT

 

**himicutie:** hey everybody maybe he’ll leave us alone if we put him in jail

 

**tencutie:** good idea!!

 

**no:** why didnt we think of this before

 

**PantaKing:** NO WAIT IM NOT DONE

 

**NYO:** god says it’s over for you

 

**starboy:** thats fucking ominous

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is confused….

 

**DePussy:** bye ouma

 

**PantaKing:** KAEDE WHAT THE EFFING FUCK

 

**no:** goodbye you little shit

 

**toj:** My apologies, Ouma, but I was asked to remove you from the conversation.

 

**PantaKing:** WHAT?!!??!?!?!

 

**PantaKing:** YOU C ANTT DO THISSSS

 

**toj:** Watch me.

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ was kicked from the chat by  _ **_toj_ **

 

**amaminion ranty:** W OW

 

**Come On And Slam:**  LMAOOOO RIP IN FUCKING PIECE MY DUDE

 

**banyonkanyonk:** l ETS GET A SLOW MOTION REPLAY OF TH AT

 

**himicutie:** toujou, how did it feel to purge ouam from the conversation

 

**starboy:** ouam

 

**tencutie:** don’t make fun!!

 

**toj:** Well, I’m not taking sides…

 

**no:** i’m not taking sides but it was fucking exhilarating

 

**Dear Sister:** You...kind of did just take a side through that.

 

**himicutie:** why arent you in jail again?

 

**Dear Sister:** Please don’t kick me out with Ouma…

 

**NYO:** god doesn’t forgive crytypers

 

**no:** he seems like the personification of a crytype

 

**Dear Sister:** If I start crytyping, then you have my full permission to jail me.

 

**himicutie:** deal

 

**amaminion ranty:** shi t what do we do now that hes gone

 

**starboy:** celebrate

 

**banyonkanyonk:** it’s PARTY TIMES MOTHERFUCKERS

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** yay~  =^w^=

 

**NYO:** god says get that weeb shit outta here

 

**himicutie:** preach

 

**DePussy:** amen to that

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** hey!! It was cute!!

 

**no:** no….no it wasnt

 

**toj:** Not to ruin everybody’s celebration, but Ouma is asking to be let back in.

 

**Come On And Slam:** hMMMMM LET ME THINK FOR A SEC

 

**banyonkanyonk:** can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck him

 

**amaminion ranty:** idk im missing my boyf :(

 

**toj:** It’s just if we keep him out of the chat, then he’s going to find new and inventive ways to not only annoy us all, but to hinder my work.

 

**himicutie:** there’s a point…

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** I don’t really mind him either way…

 

**DePussy:** Yknow what, i think we’ve been rlly harsh to him!

 

**DePussy:** i dont think hes all that bad. Why dont we let him back? sure its a little annoying sometimes but think how dull it would be without him!!

 

**_toj_ ** _ added  _ **_PantaKing_ ** _ to Saishuu School Group Chat _

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ changed  _ **_DePussy_ ** _ ’s username to  _ **_DePissy_ **

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ was kicked from the chat by  _ **_DePissy_ **

 

**toj:** You were saying?

 

**DePissy:** fuck him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah its been forever, n this chapter isn't even that funny but i'll get into the swing soon


	9. Hewwo....it's me....

**no:** not to be the bearer of bad news…

 

**no:** but it appears that oumas gone and tattled to usami

 

**Come On And Slam:** aaaand?

 

**no:** she wants us to let him back in

 

**banyonkanyonk:** like were gonna let that spunky chunk o cheese back in

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hes a douche

 

**himicutie:** spunky chunk o what now?

 

**starboy:** no offense to ouma but he’s ten shades of dipshit and we shouldnt let him back in

 

**DePissy:** amen

 

**_DePissy_ ** _ changed their username to  _ **_DePussy_ **

 

**Dear Sister:** However, it appears Miss Usami is very serious about this…

 

**NYO:** is she gonna go buff bunny

 

**tencutie:** tenko will defend us all!!

 

**tencutie:** only the girls tho

 

**Come On And Slam:** wow fuck you too tenko

 

**tencutie:** death to you and your dreams

 

**Bee Movie:** Speaking of Ouma- Gonta hasn’t seen him anywhere!

 

**Kiibo:** It appears he’s disappeared completely. I even tried looking for him earlier!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** remind me why u did that again?

 

**Kiibo:** Well…

 

**toj:** Continuing from Shinguuji’s statement, it appears Usami might even enforce some kind of punishment.

 

**Come On And Slam:** am i gonna hafta kick the bunny yet again

 

**NYO:** punt! punt! 

 

**himicutie:** whack her

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** don’t be so mean to Usami! shes trying her best

 

**no:** yeah but my hatred of that soda drinking goblin surpasses my tolerance for her

 

**himicutie:** hear that hoshi, ouma’s replaced you as the class gremlin

 

**starboy:** hallelujah

 

**Kiibo:** So what do we do?

 

**no:** well, what exactly is usami planning to punish us with?

 

**toj:** I think it’s something along the lines of losing certain privileges. 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** okay but can we all mutally fuckin agree that ouma aint worth the shitstains on my asshole let alone privileges

 

**himicutie:** uM

 

**starboy:** i would but im more daunted by the fact you clearly dont wipe your ass properly

 

**banyonkanyonk:** it wAS A STATEMENT

 

**no:** sounded like a confession to me

 

**DePussy:** okay but iruma’s asshole aside….has anybody heard from amami?

 

**himicutie:** amami?

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta saw him this morning after breakfast! He seemed okay!

 

**DePussy:** no no i mean...on here

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** the chat?

 

**Dear Sister:** It appears everybody is online, Amami included and Ouma excluded.

 

**Come On And Slam:** so where is the weed man

 

**himicutie:** rumour says if u say marijuana in the mirror three times amami appears n gives u a blunt

 

**Come On And Slam:** smokin’

 

**himicutie:** come on everybody say it w me now

 

**himicutie:** marijuana

 

**DePussy:** marijuana

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** marijuana

 

**banyonkanyonk:** marijuana

 

**Come On And Slam:** marijuana

 

**starboy:** marijuana

 

**Kiibo:** Marijuana…?

 

**NYO:** marijuana~~!!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** marijuana! Marijuana!

 

**Dear Sister:** Marijuana.

 

**Bee Movie:** Marijuana!

 

**amaminion ranty:** h-hewwo?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ya know what? Fuck im

 

**NYO:** amami!!! He has risen!!

 

**DePussy:** amami! where have you been

 

**amaminion ranty:** i’m twapped! hewp me!

 

**no:** death

 

**himicutie:** wtf is this

 

**amaminion ranty:** someone! hewp me! pwease! 

 

**tencutie:** never

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** what is going on?

 

**Come On And Slam:** amami quit the shit ya nitwit

 

**Bee Movie:** Hey that rhymed!

 

**Bee Movie:** Wait…

 

**amaminion ranty:** pwease! pwease! somebody has to hewp me!

 

**starboy:** dafuq?

 

**NYO:** angie will help you!!!

 

**amaminion ranty:** thank you! you saved my wife! How can I wepay you?

 

**NYO:** die

 

**NYO:** (　-_･) ︻デ═一 

 

**no:** yes

 

**banyonkanyonk:** kILL IM ANGIE

 

**himicutie:** wHA

 

**amaminion ranty:** oh no! pwease don’t shoot me!

 

**starboy:** kill him angie

 

**DePussy:** amami what are you doing

 

**amaminion ranty:** what do you mean? Im not doing anything?

 

**no:** she means the grating babytalk

 

**Come On And Slam:** amami u arent the new ouma pack that the fuck in n ship it out

 

**amaminion ranty:** i’m being totawwy normaw! I’m amami wantawo!

 

**himicutie:** wantawo

 

**starboy:** ngl i just spat out my drink

 

**banyonkanyonk:** well now

 

**banyonkanyonk:** look at what youve done u little minion shit

 

**amaminion ranty:** w-what have i done? 

 

**Dear Sister:** What haven’t you done…

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oh shit it’s a shitji burn thats rare

 

**DePussy:** amami have you seen ouma around? apparently he told on us to usami

 

**Come On And Slam:** yeah and now nobodys seen his panta drinkin ass

 

**amaminion ranty:** w-why no, I haven’t seen him awound! he’s compwetewy disappeawed!

 

**no:** knock it off before i fuck you up

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hear that tingle she’s gonna fuck you up the ass

 

**no:** wait wh

 

**amaminion ranty:** pwease no anaw

 

**himicutie:** hwA

 

**NYO:** kami-sama didn’t die for this

 

**Come On And Slam:** i M DE AD

 

**DePussy:** oMG AMAMI SRSLY

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** angie!! Why didn’t you shoot him when you had the chance!!

 

**NYO:** i’m not wasting kami-sama’s bullets

 

**Kiibo:** Would somebody mind telling me just why Amami is typing in such a strange manner?

 

**starboy:** no

 

**Kiibo:** Oh…

 

**no:** for the record i am going nowhere near amami’s ass

 

**himicutie:** okay but which of these asses would you choose

 

**himicutie:** a) ouma b) amami c) iruma

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hEY WHY ME

 

**himicutie:** we all know why you

 

**no:** i wouldn’t go near ouma’s ass if you put a gun in my mouth

 

**no:** as for iruma and her previously discussed lack of bathroom rituals

 

**banyonkanyonk:** shUT UP I SAID IT WAS A STATEMENET U MONG

 

**starboy:** you sound awfully defensive

 

**banyonkanyonk:** shut up goblin everyone knows u stick tennis balls up ur ass

 

**starboy:** you sure you didn’t just dream that

 

**no:** i suppose by process of elimination i’d HAVE to pick amami

 

**no:** eh he looks like he washes well enough anyway

 

**amaminion ranty:** uhhh hewwo? wantawo is still hewe!

 

**himicutie:** wantawo

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah well wantawo can wind his fuckin neck in

 

**amaminion ranty:** wude

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oi angie seems like this silly sausage wants to go

 

**NYO:** sauSAGE

 

**NYO:** YOU WANNA GO

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA WILL KICK YOUR BUTT

 

**amaminion ranty:** then i’w punch kami-sama in the face

 

**NYO:** oH YEAH??

 

**NYO:** kami-sama’s gonna kick you in the willy

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh my god

 

**banyonkanyonk:** bwAHAHAHAHAHAHSGTHYHGFSGRDTHF

 

**Come On And Slam:** i,NM FUCKI N DYIN

 

**himicutie:** aN GIE

 

**starboy:** wh o put these tears o n my face

 

**DePussy:** omg agnie

 

**no:** angie knows what’s good

 

**amaminion ranty:** wiwwy

 

**tencutie:** disGUSTING

 

**himicutie:** fu ck youu

 

**NYO:** KAMI- SAMA’S GON

 

**NYO:** hold on i just threw up in my mouth

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** are y ou ok

 

**NYO:** kami-sama’s gonna

 

**NYO:** idk

 

**banyonkanyonk:** angie wtf r u doing

 

**NYO:** kami-sama’s bored

 

**himicutie:** apparently he filled his quote of willy kicking

 

**starboy:** himiko do me a favour and burn your handbook so i never have to read anything like that again

 

**himicutie:** dont be afraid of loving me

 

**Come On And Slam:** nah dude tenis man is right burn ur handbook

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i do wish id never read that…

 

**amaminion ranty:** evewybody!!

 

**DePussy:** i forgot why we even needed amami here

 

**Dear Sister:** I feel nothing but regret right now…

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** hold on

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i just thought of something

 

**DePussy:** eh?

 

**Come On And Slam:** oh SHIT SAIHARA’S ON TEH CASE

 

**himicutie:** what’s new scoobydoo

 

**himicutie:** were comin after you

 

**banyonkanyonk:** we’re gonna assfuck amami

 

**himicutie:** were gonna sol oh never mind

 

**starboy:** somehow that was a better addition to the song

 

**Dear Sister:** It fit perfectly.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** im a fuckin songstress fuck yeahhhhhhh

 

**DePussy:** shuu what is it???

 

**no:** shuu

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** canon ~!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** anybody realise you can blow ur nose out ur butt

 

**DePussy:** iruma what the fuck

 

**Starboy:** pretty sure we all knew that by a different name

 

**himicutie:** iruma learns to fart

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** okay but shut up a sec

 

**no:** damn

 

**banyonkanyonk:** we just got told….

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** is...that ouma?

 

**tencutie:** what where?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** using amami’s handbook

 

**Come On And Slam:** oh fuck

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oH FUCK

 

**amaminion ranty:** nishishishishishi

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** did...he just type his own laugh out…

 

**starboy:** fucking ouma it’s fucking o uma

 

**himicutie:** tenko, attack!

 

**tencutie:** on it!

 

**no:** no let me do this

 

**no:** its time for my foot to find its rightful place up his ass and inside his stomach

 

**Dear Sister:** Well, they do say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…

 

**no:** yeah and ill be ripping it out with my bare hands

 

**amaminion ranty:** dON’T BE AFRAID OF LOVING ME MAKI CHAAAN

 

**DePussy:** i cant believe ouma hijacked amamis handbook

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** really?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** can you really not believe it?

 

**amaminion ranty:** if you beat me up ill tell usami on you!!!

 

**NYO:** usami will become truly buff

 

**NYO:** it’s like sticking usamis head on gonta’s body

 

**Bee Movie:** Huh? Why would you want to do that?

 

**Bee Movie:** Perhaps Gonta should protect Ouma…

 

**amaminion ranty:** yeah gonta sHOULD DEFINITELY PROTECT OUMA RN

 

**toj:** At this point, I’d advise against it. I can make some tea for us, if that sounds nicer?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** is this bribery?

 

**toj:** This is not bribery.

 

**Dear Sister:** It’s definitely bribery.

 

**Bee Movie:** That does sound very nice!

 

**toj:** Good, good.

 

**amaminion ranty:** well i guess i should give amami back his handbook now!!

 

**amaminion ranty:** faweweww!!

 

**Come On And Slam:** excuse me?

 

**Dear Sister:** I think that means ‘farewell’.

 

**starboy:** wow could i get uhhh a few more fuckin w’s in that word?

 

**tencutie:** ouma you can’t run from this!

 

**no:** i’ll find him

 

**Kiibo:** I must say I’m...very concerned…

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta can hear an awful lot of banging…

 

**toj:** I finished the tea, if you’d like to come down to the cafeteria for some?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** and listen to the sweet sweet sounds of ouma gettin his fuckin digestional tract forcibly pulled out of his anus by the sheer will of maki hell fucking yes i would like some

 

**starboy:** i could use a drink right now

 

**himicutie:** same

 

**DePussy:** should we tell amami about this?

  
**ShuulockHolmes:** he’ll probably figure it out sooner or later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't heard the 'what's new scooby-doo' theme song i strongly recommend you listen to it


	10. Clash of the Gods

**PantaKing:** oh oh oh guess who’s back? back again?

 

**Come On And Slam:** the shit is back

 

**Come On And Slam:** tell your friends

 

**Come On And Slam:** so they can come over an beat him to fuck

 

**amaminion ranty:** it’s a traitor

 

**himicutie:** it’s a twaitor

 

**amaminion ranty:** let’s not

 

**no:** yeah let’s not

 

**Bee Movie:** Ouma is back! Welcome back!

 

**PantaKing:** at least SOMEONE likes me!

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta didn’t say that.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** w HAHHEIWO

 

**starboy:** hOLY FUCK

 

**DePussy:** JESUS GONTA

 

**Come On And Slam:** i cAN HEAR MAKI LAUGHSHUGROIE

 

**no:** shut it

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i mean it’s true but you shouldn’t say it

 

**aminion ranty:** heezus gonta

 

**himicutie:** ah yes, jesus gonta. the birth of gontaism

 

**PantaKing:** GONTA WHAT THE EFFING FUCK

 

**PantaKing:** I GAVE U PANTA

 

**Bee Movie:** Actually, you just threw the bottle at me. But that’s okay, I’ve been using it to keep ant eggs in!

 

**tencutie:** gross yet resourceful

 

**Bee Movie:** Also, what is Gontaism?

 

**no:** i’m out im not gonna be a part of this cult

 

**Come On And Slam:** it’s a cult now? Fuckin bangin!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** that was quick!

 

**Kiibo:** I don’t think beginning a cult is allowed! It’s against the rules!

 

**PantaKing:** Yeah!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u can stick the rules up ur ass kiiboy

 

**banyonkanyonk:** and ouma too while ur at it

 

**PantaKing:** dfghjkkaNOPE NO 

 

**Kiibo:** E-Excuse me?

 

**Come On And Slam:** reverse vore

 

**PantaKing:**  GET TO FUCK

 

**DePussy:** get to where now?

 

**himicutie:** siri search fuck on google maps

 

**starboy:** face god and walk backwards into fuck

 

**amaminion ranty:** understandable lets go

 

**banyonkanyonk:** supersonic speed back into fuck

 

**PantaKing:** SHUT UPPPPPP

 

**PantaKing:** UR ALL SOO MEANNN

 

**starboy:** after what you pulled yesterday?

 

**PantaKing:** fuck off you shitty tennis pixie

 

**PantaKing:** go jack off in a puddle of your own tears

 

**starboy:** i’ll put you in the fucking bin you juggalo fuckmuppet

 

**Bee Movie:** Please stop fighting!

 

**himicutie:** yeah! that’s not what gontaism teaches!

 

**DePussy:** yeah!

 

**Dear Sister:** There is now a Gonta-based religion? That’s interesting…

 

**himicutie:** interesting?

 

**himicutie:** just interesting?

 

**Dear Sister:** I wouldn’t push it.

 

**Dear Sister:** That was generous enough as it is.

 

**PantaKing:** WHY DOES BUGMAN GET A RELIGION sasdf i want one too!

 

**NYO:** a religion with you is a cult

 

**NYO:** kami-sama says no

 

**NYO:** kami-sama says no

 

**himicutie:** angie are you okay

 

**DePussy:** eh?

 

**NYO:** HUH

 

**NYO:** angie didnt send the other message!

 

**NYO:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**NYO:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**NYO:** HEY

 

**himicutie:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**banyonkanyonk:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**DePussy:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**tencutie:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**amaminion ranty:** mustve been kami-sama

 

**PantaKing:** mustve been ouma-sama

 

**NYO:** MUSTA BEEN KAMI-SAMA COMIN TO PEEL YOUR SAUSAGE LIKE A SAUSAGE

 

**banyonkanyonk:** parfgdhKWRLGETW

 

**starboy:** peel your sausage like a what now?

 

**himicutie:** like a sausage

 

**himicutie:** like a sausage

 

**starboy:** peel your sausage like a what now?

 

**himicutie:** like a sausage

 

**himicutie:** like a sausage

 

**himicutie:** WHU

 

**starboy:** dafuQ?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** MA LMAE

 

**Come On And Slam:** AHAHAHHAH

 

**amaminion ranty:** ah yes a classic

 

**amaminion ranty:** ‘like a sausage’ by himiko and hoshi what a fucking bop

 

**DePussy:** this is my jam

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** *whispers like a sausage like a sausage ominously in the distance*

 

**Come On And Slam:** snaps fingers

 

**starboy:** that defo was not kami-sama that time around

 

**himicutie:** that wasn’t kami-sama that was satan straight up

 

**Kiibo:** satan -  _ Did you mean  _ **_Ouma_ ** _ ? _

 

**PantaKing:** WHAT WHAT THE FUCK KIIBO

 

**Kiibo:** Is Ouma what you would call….’rekt?’

 

**PantaKing:** AFETGHRIJEOTPR

 

**banyonkanyonk:** GOOD BOY KIIB

 

**Come On And Slam:** yes kibble yes it was

 

**himicutie:** kibble

 

**amaminion ranty:** when taking care of your robot fetishist dont forget to feed them fresh kibble

 

**banyonkanyonk:** when taking care of your kiibo don’t forget to feed him fresh robot fetishists

 

**Kiibo:** Just what is a robot fetishist?

 

**himicutie:** ABORT

 

**DePussy:** NO NO

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** >:3c

 

**NYO:** kami-sama’s gonna kick your kibbles

 

**starboy:** whuh?

 

**PantaKing:** WH

 

**amaminion ranty:** wow kami-sama really rustles my kibbles

 

**PantaKing:** when taking care of your kibbles dont forget to feed them fresh kami-sama

 

**NYO:** A CH

 

**banyonkanyonk:** lmameOOO

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i……

 

**Dear Sister:** lmameooo?

 

**amaminion ranty:** you called?

 

**Dear Sister:** Never mind…

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA ISN’T FOR EATING

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA ISN’T FOR EATING

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA ISN’T FOR EATING

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA ISN’T FOR EATING

 

**NYO:** SHHHHHHHHH

 

**Come On And Slam:** iMM PISGIN

 

**himicutie:** angie’s right!

 

**himicutie:** kami-sama’s for willy kicking

 

**banyonkanyonk:** shit u is right

 

**amaminion ranty:** when taking care of your willy-sama makes sure to feed him fresh willies

 

**amaminion ranty:** wait

 

**amaminion ranty:** wait

 

**amaminion ranty:** wait

 

**amaminion ranty:** wait

 

**amaminion ranty:** wait

 

**himicutie:** hhhaieoYAUIRGEHTOR

 

**starboy:** WHAT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wHASFGDRJYDRW IMMMMM PISSISNGNNGG

 

**DePussy:** HAASDGFH

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** Holy fuck you even made shinguji laugh

 

**Dear Sister:** I admit, this was somehow absolutely hilarious and I have no idea how.

 

**toj:** why

 

**Come On And Slam:** willy-sama save my eternal soul

 

**amaminion ranty:** I MEANT KAMI-SAMA

 

**NYO:** this IS BLASPHEMY

 

**NYO:** THI S IS OUTRAGEOUS

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**NYO:** KAMI-SAMA DOESN’T EAT WILLIES

 

**himicutie:** fuck angie we get it

 

**Come On And Slam:** ‘kami-sama doesn’t eat willies’ angie- 2k 17

 

**banyonkanyonk:** we WERENT TALKIN ABOUT KAMI-SAMA 

 

**amaminion ranty:** thats right we were talking about willy-sama

 

**DePussy:** willy-sama’s gonna kick you in the kami-sama

 

**NYO:** WHAT

 

**NYO:** HE’D BETTER NOT

 

**Dear Sister:** What happened to Gontaism?

 

**no:** dead and burie

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta isn’t dead!

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is just embarrassed…

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** is it just me or are the messages sometimes repeating?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** someones hackin the system

 

**Kiibo:** I believe it’s just an internal malfunction!

 

**PantaKing:** jeez thanks for ruining the fun kibble

 

**_PantaKing_ ** _ changed  _ **_Kiibo_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_kibble_ **

 

**kibble:** Eh? Why?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i SAID someones hacking the aystem

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**banyonkanyonk:** system

 

**himicutie:** STOP

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yo what the UFCK

 

**DePussy:** god miu stop clogging the chat

 

**Dear Sister:** The amount of notifications my handbook attempted to process left it frazzled.

 

**NYO:** i cant believe you guys! You betrayed kami-sama!!

 

**NYO:** and stop joking about willies!! They’re a very serious matter!!

 

**starboy:** hhhhhhhhhhhh god

 

**himicutie:** angies right this isnt what gonta wouldve wanted you

 

**starboy:** wanna try that again?

 

**himicutie:** this isnt what gonta wouldve wanted to happen

 

**Bee Movie:** Yumeno is right!

 

**starboy:** guess we gotta submit to gontaism

 

**Dear Sister:** If this involves more ‘bug sessions’ then consider me a strict atheist…

 

**himicutie:** dont listen to the heathen gonta

 

**banyonkanyonk:** look if there aint any meat seasoning sessions im goin back to willy-sama

 

**NYO:** hey!!! You can’t make stuff up!!! Gonta isn’t a god!!

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is so confused…

 

**himicutie:** dont worry there will be plenty of meat seasonings

 

**DePussy:** wow you’re very serious about this

 

**starboy:** just to clarify, will we be seasoning our own meats or gonta’s meat?

 

**himicutie:** you can season your own meats, dw

 

**starboy:** good

 

**starboy:** i mean no offense to gonta but i’m not sure i want to relive antfarm dickhole

 

**amaminion ranty:** hmmm

 

**Come On And Slam:** UM ANTFARM WHAT NOW

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ASRTHYUGFDEDGB

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh dear

 

**starboy:** fuck i mean

 

**starboy:** its a movie okay. barely so but it’s a movie.

 

**PantaKing:** EW WHY WOULD U

 

**tencutie:** thats disgusting only you would watch that!!

 

**starboy:** you make it sound like i enjoyed it

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u gotta hmu with that tennis boi

 

**starboy:** maybe never

 

**starboy:** look that wasn’t even the point

 

**aminion ranty:** and the plot is?

 

**starboy:** he fuckin uhhhhhhhh makes ants come out of his dick but that’s not the point

 

**himicutie:** because if that’s not hte point then what is

 

**starboy:** literally anything else

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** the topic of conversation got derailed so badly 

 

**NYO:** hhhHNNNHHNNN YOU CAN’T DO THIS YNKOW

 

**himicutie:** we can and have

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah im in for the meat seasoning

 

**kibble:** Just what is going on?

 

**PantaKing:** can I join gontaism!!!!!

 

**himicutie:** no

 

**starboy:** no

 

**banyonkanyonk:** no

 

**DePussy:** no

 

**Bee Movie:** No.

 

**amaminion ranty:** ASDFGH

 

**Come On And Slam:** gonta 2 ouma nil

 

**PantaKing:** GONTA UR SO MEANNN

 

**NYO:** don’t worry!! Kami-sama will accept you!!

 

**starboy:** nah i think willy-sama is the only one who’ll accept a dickhead

 

**himicutie:** LMAO

 

**banyonkanyonk:** pERFECT

 

**PantaKing:** HEY1!!!1 WTFFF

 

**amaminion ranty:** oh ow ow ow

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t exactly understand what...Gontaism is, but Gonta will let Ouma join if he starts being nicer to everybody!!

 

**PantaKing:** ohhhh well I guess i coulldddddd

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** no

 

**no:** what the fuck is going on

 

**Come On And Slam:** hey babe. Oumas bein banished to the cult of willy-sama

 

**no:** disgusting but it suits him

 

**tencutie:** I can’t believe you made a cult about penises!!

 

**himicutie:** im sorry for this

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** traitor

 

**amaminion ranty:** top ten anime betrayals

 

**himicutie:** hey I didnt make the willy sama thing! That was the weed minion

 

**amaminion ranty:** ouma ghost typed it don’t blame me

 

**PantaKing:** DONT’ BLAME ME FOR THAT I’M INNOCENT

 

**Dear Sister:** I’m going to bed.

 

**DePussy:** goodnight shinguji!

 

**Dear Sister:** Not in the slightest…

 

**toj:** This was completely, utterly and irredeemably awful to read.

 

**amaminion ranty:** thank you

 

**starboy:** i’m going to sleep and hope i never wake up

 

**banyonkanyonk:** may willy-sama keep your dick safe from ants

 

**starboy:** dont fuckin jinx it blondie

 

**banyonkanyonk:** iLL CURSE YOU

 

**Come On And Slam:** god that makes me fucking cringe uGH

 

**no:** im going to bed because i hate all of you bye

 

**PantaKing:** sweet dreams

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** why did this happen

 

**kibble:** On the bright side, it appears the error that caused messages to duplicate has resolved itself!

 

**amaminion ranty:** well its late. Ouma i barely love you but i have to sleep now. Niightht

 

**PantaKing:** <333

 

**PantaKing:** wait

 

**PantaKing:** HOLD ON

 

**DePussy:** goodnight shuu!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** night kaede!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** awwWWWWWW

 

**himicutie:** i’m getting sleepy….gontaism took it out of me

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta needs to sleep too!

 

**NYO:** angie needs to sleep off her uncontrollable rage

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** o h

 

**PantaKing:** as you do

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey don’t fuckin leave me alone with this prick!!

 

**PantaKing:** dw i don’t wanna be with you either!! Sweet dreaaaams~~!!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wait no dont leave me alone

 

**banyonkanyonk:** kiibo?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is everybody offline?? FFSS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** fOR FUCKS SAKE ASDFG

 

**banyonkanyonk:** so it’s just me

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey

 

**banyonkanyonk:** imagine antfarm dickhole but with wasps

 

**starboy:** do me a solid and fucking die

 

**banyonkanyonk:** alright then

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you don't know about antfarm dickhole i strongly suggest you never watch it  
> also we will now move on from dick jokes after twenty four (24) years


	11. In which Shinguji snaps, Toujou snaps and nobody knows jack shit about Thanksgiving

**PantaKing:** hey whassup gamers today were gnona cook a thanksgiving turkey meery chronometer

 

**Come On And Slam:** what

 

**toj:** That...certainly is a strange mix of customs, but I won’t point out that none of us celebrate thanksgiving

 

**Dear Sister:** Then allow me.

 

**Dear Sister:** Ouma.

 

**Dear Sister:** We do not celebrate Thanksgiving.

 

**himicutie:** did he just say merry chronometer

 

**starboy:** merry chrysanthemums

 

**amaminion ranty:** merry chronicles

 

**DePussy:** merry charisma

 

**NYO:** merry cholecystectomy

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** merry what now

 

**starboy:** thanks i hate it

 

**PantaKing:** wow angie is poppin the biggest bottles tonight

 

**NYO:** poppin the biggest boobies

 

**himicutie:** i like ur style

 

**tencutie:** agreed

 

**Dear Sister:** Friendly reminder that ‘cholecystectomy’ is the removal of your gallbladder so…

 

**Dear Sister:** Merry Gallbladder Removal 

 

**amaminion ranty:** merry gallbladder removal guys

 

**no:** i’ve actually had my gallbladder removed

 

**Come On And Slam:** wAIT SERIOUSLY

 

**no:** i have the scar and everything.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** does this mean maki is jesus

 

**himicutie:** i thought gonta was jesus

 

**Bee Movie:** No, Gonta is Gonta!

 

**PantaKing:** maki is the not-so-virgin mary

 

**no:** watch what you say

 

**Come On And Slam:** yEAH!!

 

**Come On And Slam:** maki is a pure soul dont be a dick

 

**DePussy:** incorrect

 

**no:** it’s true

 

**banyonkanyonk:** maki is a gallbladder virgin.

 

**amaminion ranty:** so gonta is jesus...maki is the gallbladder virgin mary...i guess that makes kaito jospeh

 

**himicutie:** jospeh

 

**Come On And Slam:** hell yeah i am!

 

**toj:** Jospeh…

 

**starboy:** does that mean kaito got cucked by kami-sama

 

**banyonkanyonk:** HE GOT CUCKED BY WILLY-SAMA

 

**NYO:** HMMMMM HMMMM

 

**NYO:** HMMMMM

 

**NYO:** LETS FUCKING NOT

 

**tencutie:** a angie

 

**banyonkanyonk:** DFGHJIAOFGWREIHG

 

**PantaKing:** angie blew her boobies

 

**tencutie:** exCUSE M E

 

**NYO:** ANGIE’S BOOBIES ARE JUST FINE 

 

**NYO:** NYO MORE WILLY-SAMA

 

**amaminion ranty:** so gonta is gesus, maki is notvirgin mary...willy sama is god...kaito is cucked jospeh

 

**starboy:** himicutie is the fuckin...angle or w/e

 

**himicutie:** angle im the angle praise me

 

**DePussy:** awww you called himiko himicutie!!

 

**starboy:** it was an autocorrect malfunction you fool

 

**himicutie:** u utter buffoon

 

**tencutie:** im going to be nice and overlook that- himiko is absolutely an angle!!

 

**tencutie:** angel i meant angel!!

 

**amaminion ranty:** too late tenko cemented it

 

**no:** well done

 

**tencutie:** NO

 

**himicutie:** can i be angle gabriella like in high school musical

 

**Bee Movie:** Gabriella is a very nice name!

 

**himicutie:** thas all the confirmation i need

 

**PantaKing:** i’m a sheep im one of the sheep watch me go moooooo

 

**no:** no you’re fucking judas

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** ^^^

 

**PantaKing:** …...moo?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** why is he fucking judas

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wait

 

**kibble:** This...really seems to stray from the original story.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WAIT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oaM IS NOT FELATTING THE JUDAS

 

**himicutie:** what

 

**Come On And Slam:** none of these are real words im hallucinating

 

**amaminion ranty:** ur right oam is not felatting the judas

 

**Bee Movie:** What does ‘felat’ mean?

 

**toj:** Absolutely nothing.

 

**DePussy:** wait...how can ouma fellate judas if he is judas

 

**starboy:** snap his spine n he can manage

 

**Come On And Slam:** i am in no way opposed to this idea

 

**no:** i favour it

 

**PantaKing:** dONT SNAP ME I BRuise easily :(

 

**NYO:** hear that gonta oumas gonna stab you

 

**Bee Movie:** No thank you!!

 

**kibble:** Is...that what happens?

 

**PantaKing:** im not stabbing the bugman n WHY AM I JUDAS U FUCKS

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** is...is this gontas backstory

 

**amaminion ranty:** saih ara is one (1) wise man

 

**NYO:** korky is the second one

 

**Dear Sister:** I’m sorry, what did you just call me?

 

**starboy:** kerk

 

**banyonkanyonk:** kok

 

**PantaKing:** merry kerkeriyo you guys

 

**NYO:** sassafrass, korky and hoe are the wise men

 

**himicutie:** hear that ryoyo ur a hoe ya slag

 

**starboy:** wh

 

**starboy:** why the disrespect

 

**DePussy:** awww you called him ryoyo!

 

**himicutie:** it was a typing mistake you heathen

 

**starboy:** it was a form of ironic humour you cretin

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** why am i a sassafrass what even is a sassafrass

 

**kibble:** I believe it is a type of plant!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dont derail the convo w ur facts kiboob

 

**kibble:** E...Excuse me?

 

**PantaKing:** haha….boob

 

**no:** the height of hilarity

 

**toj:** Truly

 

**Dear Sister:** Anyway, I returned to inform you that you started the conversation on the topic of Thankgiving and have now wholly drifted into Christmas territory.

 

**Dear Sister:** Much of which doesn’t even seem to be historically correct.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** stOP REDAILING THE FACTS

 

**Dear Sister:** How about…

 

**Dear Sister:** Pick up a fucking dictionary you illiterate child.

 

**PantaKing:** dcfygvhJOARGWBOEG

 

**Come On And Slam:** hO OHOHHH FUCK 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** whhhhhH UR SO MEAN WTF

 

**no:** finally someone i agree with

 

**starboy:** what a burn

 

**himicutie:** i read that as what a bum and honestly

 

**starboy:** its just as applicable

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wHY THE ABUSE U GUYS ARE FUCKHEADS

 

**banyonkanyonk:** the wise men are all dickheads anyway

 

**banyonkanyonk:** saifucker grow some fuckin balls

 

**banyonkanyonk:** kork ur a fuckin slut 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** and hoeshi

 

**starboy:** id choose your words wisely from here on out

 

**Dear Sister:** Did she just call me a slut?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** bitch u a hoe

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ur all sluts- sluthara, slutguji and fuckin...hoshi the slut

 

**starboy:** wh….what

 

**amaminion ranty:** reading this gave me three whole aneurysms

 

**himicutie:** hear that ryoyo u got a whole title

 

**starboy:** wow im so lucky

 

**starboy:** christ

 

**toj:** Iruma’s...outburst aside, Shinguuji has a valid point. You’ve all veered off massively.

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t even know what we’re talking about.

 

**PantaKing:** okay but lemme get this gay

 

**PantaKing:** gonta is djesus, maki is mary, kaito is jospeh….himiko is angle and saihara, shinguji and hoshi are the three slutty, slutty wise men

 

**amaminion ranty:** shingooj

 

**no:** sounds about right

 

**Come On And Slam:** wHY AM I STILL JOSPEH

 

**tencutie:** it’s your own fault

 

**DePussy:** okay but when you put it into a modern setting

 

**DePussy:** it’s basically momota and maki raising their son gonta with their weird aunt and three slutty neighbours

 

**himicutie:** im like the wine aunt without the wine

 

**no:** mood

 

**no:** except without the aunt and more wine

 

**DePussy:** maki isn’t even the wine aunt she’s just wine

 

**PantaKing:** okay but hold on a sec

 

**PantaKing:** ike lets get back to thanskgiving here

 

**himicutie:** its about turkey isnt it

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** something like that?

 

**amaminion ranty:** i heard it was something about native americans

 

**Come On And Slam:** native americans eat turkey?

 

**DePussy:** There’s probably more to it than that

 

**tencutie:** i don’t know much about thanksgiving but i heard the pilgrims were dicks

 

**no:** what else is new

 

**NYO:** the world is full of people who are complete and utter willys so

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** She has a point…

 

**himicutie:** can i be the turkey

 

**starboy:** turkeys are cute

 

**banyonkanyonk:** no the fuck they arent

 

**starboy:** i really dont remember asking for your opinion after calling me a slut

 

**Come On And Slam:** lmAO

 

**himicutie:** yeah only i can do that leave the slut alone

 

**starboy:** cheers himi

 

**PantaKing:** wait so

 

**toj:** I fail to see how any of this applies to the Japanese…

 

**DePussy:** newsflash. It doesnt

 

**tencutie:** does this mean we can stop talking about it

 

**PantaKing:** but i wanna eat a turkey

 

**banyonkanyonk:** then eat a fucking turkey then. Who the fuck is stopping you? Native americans???

 

**PantaKing:** Yes

 

**PantaKing:** because...we don’t celebrate thanksgiving

 

**starboy:** you cannot seriously be this dumb

 

**PantaKing:** hahahhhh jokes on u i can

 

**amaminion ranty:** so thanksgiving is about turkeys and native americans

 

**kibble:** Not...quite.

 

**himicutie:** all i know are that people were dicks to native americans and then….they had dinner?

 

**PantaKing:** oh man...cant believe you all thought i was dumb hhahahh

 

**amaminion ranty:** what a funny joke hahahahah :)))))

 

**PantaKing:** shut up umami

 

**amaminion ranty:** *dabs*

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** what….what is this. What is any of this?????

 

**no:** good question- hey ouma what the fuck is all of this

 

**PantaKing:** gODDDDDDDDD i just wanted to fuckin fuck thanksgiving and then we fucked the turkey n talkde abuot native americans and christmas and gonta was jesus and hoshi was a slut and korky got fucked and jesuis christ

 

**amaminion ranty:** i mmd dead

 

**toj:** J...Je suis Christ…

 

**Come On And Slam:** i musta been astral projecting into the fuckin abyss because i do not remember fucking a turkey or korky

 

**DePussy:** wholesome festivities

 

**Dear Sister:** Can you stop calling me Korky.

 

**amaminion ranty:** no

 

**Dear Sister:** And for the record, I believe Thanksgiving has a different meaning depending on the country. You’re most likely thinking of what people believe to be the first Thanksgiving, which was a meal shared between Pilgrims and Native Americans.

 

**Dear Sister:** You ignorant cretins.

 

**amaminion ranty:** well we just got fuckin schooled by shinguji why dont u beat my ass with a cane while ur at it

 

**toj:** Though I believe the meaning behind the holiday was to celebrate the harvest, but now it’s being thankful of things- hence the title Thanksgiving

 

**Come On And Slam:** yknow what

 

**Come On And Slam:** that makes sense

 

**no:** you’re all idiots

 

**PantaKing:** can we do a thanksgiving

 

**toj:** I’m nowhere near prepared to cook so much

 

**starboy:** no thanks. Ive got nothing to be thankful for when you guys exist

 

**starboy:** except for himiko

 

**himicutie:** b) eyyy

 

**Himicutie:** oh. I have an eyepatch now

 

**tencutie:** im very thankful for himiko!

 

**no:** ill be thankful when this conversation ends

 

**NYO:** IM THANKFUL FOR KAMI-SAMA but less thankful for willy-sama

 

**PantaKing:** hey dont fuckin do my willy man like this

 

**NYO:** angie is doing no willies angie is  GOOD GIRL

 

**DePussy:** you guys shut up

 

**toj:** Ouma, I can make you a turkey sandwich but that’s as much as I’m willing to do.

 

**PantaKing:** understandable, bring it on

 

**Come On And Slam:** im gonna fuck the turke y sandwich

 

**amaminion ranty:** good choice im gonna stick a turkey up my as ssss

 

**kibble:** Please don’t!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u puny mortals i’m gonna fuck the entirety of the country of turkey

 

**PantaKing:** op welp miu wins everyone go home

 

**himicutie:** yeah well hoshis gonna fuck a turkey in turkey while eating a turkey sadnwhich get on his level u fucks

 

**starboy:** im what

 

**starboy:** when was this decided

 

**himicutie:** now

 

**starboy:** alright ill roll with it

 

**PantaKing:** jokes on you hoshi is the turkey

 

**starboy:** significantly less willing to roll with it

 

**no:** ah yes. Thanksgiving. The wonderful holiday where we sit around and eat hoshi

 

**starboy:** you can all stfu

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey toj can u make me a hoshi sandwich too

 

**toj:** I’ll make you turkey and that’s my final offer

 

**Come On And Slam:** deal or no deal

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u drive a hard bargain u saucy wench but ill take you

 

**toj:** *take it

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i know what i said

 

**toj:** Hm.

 

**NYO:** can we throw a party

 

**NYO:** like...not for thanksgiving

 

**NYO:** just a party

 

**toj:** Let’s wait a little bit on that...until I’ve finished sorting the place out.

 

**PantaKing:** lets have a turkey party

 

**himicutie:** turkeys are like turkey chickens but not

 

**amaminion ranty:** iMS ORRY?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** YO STICK THAT SHIT ON MY GRAVE

 

**Dear Sister:** Look at what you did to poor Yumeno. You’ve all short circuited her brain with your bullshit.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jeez gooj when did u grow a spine w some b alls

 

**starboy:** himiko go to bed

 

**himicutie:** aight mother

 

**toj:** Actually...all of you go to bed.

 

**toj:** Right now.

 

**DePussy:** wh….

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** a ahhh oky then…

 

**PantaKing:** whH MOOOOM NO

 

**amaminion ranty:** toj snaps

 

**toj:** I’ve had to deal with you all talking about Christmas and gallbladders and Thanksgiving and...fucking turkeys, just give it a rest. Go and read a book or something.

 

**starboy:** hoky shit are you okay?

 

**no:** im gonna go to bed.

 

**Come On And Slam:** goodnight my sweeeeet

 

**no:** bye jospeh

 

**Come On And Slam:** wHH WHY

 

**NYO:** tojo said a no no word

 

**NYO:** a nyo nyo word

 

**NYO:** a nyord

 

**toj:** Angie.

 

**NYO:** :3

 

**toj:** Go to bed. Kami-sama thinks you need your rest.

 

**NYO:** weeeelll when youre right youre right!!! Night everyone!

 

**tencutie:** tenko is also going to bed! Tenko’s had enough of this…

 

**starboy:** me too i’m out

 

**PantaKing:** come back my turkey lover

 

**starboy:** go fuck a tree

 

**PantaKing:** correct

 

**amaminion ranty:** time to go to bedddd gniiightttt

 

**PantaKing:** waiittt someone stay up with me!!! I dont wanna goto bed

 

**toj:** I’ll stay up with you.

 

**PantaKing:** g goodnight

 

**toj:** :))

 

**Dear Sister:** All your lack of knowledge of Thanksgiving and Christianity as a whole is honestly shocking. I need to sleep this off.

 

**toj:** I hope you are...less irritated tomorrow.

 

**Dear Sister:** I make no promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a brit i know fucking nothing about thanksgiving n this was a bit of a pisstake so don't get up my ass for this. and for the record, respect to all religions. 
> 
> echhh i know this one aint as funny as some of the others but i'm workin on ittttt!!
> 
> merry gallbladder removal


	12. Of rabbits and...those kinds of rabbits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this one is more nsfw than normal but i also feel like all you who read this don't really give a shit  
> go wild

 

**_-Asumi Asaku_ ** _ was added to  _ **_Saishuu School Group Chat-_ **

 

**PantaKing:** WHOMSTDVE THE FUCK

 

**Come On And Slam:** huh wait wtf

 

**Come On And Slam:** who the fuck is this assclown

 

**amaminion ranty:** hey now come on oumas been here for months dont be mean

 

**PantaKing:** yeAH

 

**PantaKing:** wait

 

**DePussy:** huh? A new person joined?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** there are only 16 of us here, right?

 

**Dear Sister:** Apparently not.

 

**himicutie:** hey guji did you calm down from yesterday

 

**Dear Sister:** No, no, I still have nothing but pure, unadulterated rage coursing through my veins.

 

**Dear Sister:** Can you not hear how violently angry I am?

 

**himicutie:** i can now

 

**himicutie:** wait who’s this

 

**tencutie:** hmmmmm

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yo yo yo who the fucks this silly bastard

 

**NYO:** helllooooooooo???????

 

**toj:** Not to drag up traumatic past events, but...doesn’t Asaku sound somewhat familiar.

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** thATS WHAT I THOUGHT

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** OUMA UR BOYFRIEND IS HERE

 

**PantaKing:** ASAKU IT’S YOU

 

**PantaKing:** CLOWN MY ASS RIGHT NOW

 

**amaminion ranty:** what

 

**NYO:** clowni-sama

 

**PantaKing:** like...stick fourteen clowns directly into my anus please

 

**DePussy:** sexy

 

**toj:** Well done. Disgracing the name of our school in under twelve seconds.

 

**PantaKing:** thanks thanks i try my best

 

**amaminion ranty:** yknow i know you had a clown fetish but wow

 

**PantaKing:** nO I DON’T

 

**NYO:** disgusting

 

**PantaKing:** aNGIE NO IM A GOOD BOY OAKY

 

**NYO:** truly disgusting

 

**Come On And Slam:** who the fuck is oaky

 

**banyonkanyonk:** henlo i am proffesor oaky n these are my pockymen

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i’ll squirt, bulbous sauce and charred man down

 

**banyonkanyonk:** but we just call him chad for short

 

**kibble:** P-Pockymen?

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** plz don’t tell me chad is making a comeback

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u bet ur blue pubic hair he is

 

**banyonkanyonk:** a chad back

 

**starboy:** hm no thanks

 

**himicutie:** hey ghostie toastie what did chads ovaries look like

 

**starboy:** yume…..no

 

**starboy:** n o

 

**himicutie:** thats me. Y for no

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dont be a dickhead u know u wanted to fertilise them ovaries

 

**starboy:** ask me who’s ovaries i want to fertilise and the answer is literally anybody else

 

**banyonkanyonk:** fuckin rude

 

**starboy:** im getting flashbacks from the war

 

**himicutie:** ur just in shock

 

**toj:** O...ovaries aside, it appears that our new guest has yet to say anything.

 

**NYO:** SPEAK FOUL BEAST

 

**tencutie:** angie dont be rude!!!

 

**NYO:** syorry

 

**NYO:** speak you silly sausage

 

**Bee Movie:** Oh, there’s a new person? Hello!

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Hello! I’m a new student here! It’s nice to meet all of you!

 

**PantaKing:** well we’ve already met so yknow

 

**PantaKing:** ;)))

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Have we? I don’t think we have!

 

**PantaKing:** …

 

**Come On And Slam:** je hESUS

 

**amaminion ranty:** omg rejected so purely rejected

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wow even asaku doesnt want ur clown filled ass

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** like a clown-filled donut

 

**banyonkanyonk:** clown cum donut

 

**toj:** Now that’s enough. Please.

 

**starboy:** emphasis on please

 

**Dear Sister:** Please

 

**kibble:** Please…?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yes yes beg to me

 

**PantaKing:** i...cant believe this

 

**PantaKing:** asaku u betrayed me you fuCKING CARROT

 

**no:** busting out the language

 

**Asumi Asaku:** I-I what?

 

**NYO:** BE MORE SOFT SPOKEN YOU WILLY LOVING FUCK

 

**tencutie:** a angie!!

 

**Dear Sister:** Not to stir controversy but I’m getting a whiff of hypocrisy here.

 

**NYO:** it’s probably ouma

 

**PantaKing:** dONT BLAME ME ITS ASAKU WHO STINKS

 

**PantaKing:** he stinks like

 

**amaminion ranty:** like

 

**PantaKing:** he smells  like miu in the mornings

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oi

 

**Come On And Slam:** boy howdy i sure do like the smell of blood sweat and semen

 

**Come On And Slam:** except without the blood

 

**starboy:** and without the sweat

 

**himicutie:** boy howdy i sure do like the smell of semen

 

**tencutie:** hiMIKO NO

 

**banyonkanyonk:** AERHJTIROGFJ HEY U FUCKKERS

 

**himicutie:** that just sounded weird. all together it sounds fine but just one sounds bizarre

 

**starboy:** boy howdy i sure do love the smell of blood

 

**Dear Sister:** Boy Howdy I sure do love the smell of sweat…

 

**NYO:** hoy bowdy i sure do love the smell of praising kami-sama

 

**Come On And Slam:** hoy bowdy

 

**aminion ranty:** hoy bowdy i sure do love the smell of kami-sama’s blood sweat and semen

 

**DePussy:** eeewww

 

**NYO:** hm

 

**NYO:** now you have to die

 

**amaminion ranty:** B)

 

**Asumi Asaku:** I’m afraid I really don’t know what you guys are talking about!

 

**Bee Movie:** Don’t worry, Asaku! Gonta doesn’t really know what they talk about either…

 

**toj:** It’s for the best.

 

**Asumi Asaku:** So what do you all like to talk about?

 

**PantaKing:** meems

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** anime!!

 

**Come On And Slam:** we chat shit about miu a lot

 

**starboy:** to her face

 

**banyonkanyonk:** youre all a bunch of pussies

 

**himicutie:** i can roll with this

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** we don’t….talk about anything normal

 

**no:** yeah between talking about fucking willy sama, ouma being a prat, miu being a prick and angie blowing her top at every other comment

 

**NYO:** HEY

 

**no:** point made and proven

 

**NYO:** angie isn’t angryryyyyy!!!! Just being silly!!

 

**PantaKing:** silly willy

 

**NYO:** now you can get to fuck

 

**tencutie:** agreed

 

**NYO:** go straight to fuck

 

**NYO:** do not pass go and do not collect £200

 

**himicutie:** rip om

 

**Dear Sister:** Why are you using British currency…?

 

**NYO:** i couldn’t find the yen button

 

**DePussy:** i wonder why the monopoly man went to jail

 

**Dear Sister:** Extortion and embezzlement I assume.

 

**Asumi Asaku:** That sounds scary!

 

**starboy:** what can i say the 1930’s were dark times

 

**amaminion ranty:** yeah lobotomies were still legal

 

**himicutie:** urghh

 

**kibble:** Actually, lobotomies merely faded from use due to the negativity surrounded by them. They’re actually still legal and still being practiced today!

 

**no:** uh thanks for that

 

**PantaKing:** kiibos morbid fact of the day

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i’ll bet my left tit theyre still used in america

 

**kibble:** I don’t want to say yes, but I’ll say you’ll be keeping your left breast.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** called it go fucking figure

 

**Come On And Slam:** sorry im not the only one kakking myself over fuckin kiibo saying ‘breast’ am i

 

**tencutie:** don’t be foul!

 

**amaminion ranty:** roboobs

 

**banyonkanyonk:** rOOBS

 

**himicutie:** kiib get urself some nice roobies

 

**kibble:** E-Excuse me?

 

**DePussy:** my dad told me ‘moob’s was my favourite word as a kid

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** k kaede no

 

**NYO:** whats moobs

 

**banyonkanyonk:** AFIREOTBORGE

 

**Asumi Asaku:** I’m afraid I don’t know either!!

 

**starboy:** do n o t

 

**himicutie:** omg lmaoooo

 

**Come On And Slam:** asdaj jesus h jesus

 

**no:** christ

 

**DePussy:** omg moobs are like

 

**DePussy:** male boobs

 

**NYO:** hUH

 

**Asumi Asaku:** W-What?

 

**Asumi Asaku:** We shouldn’t be talking about this!

 

**PantaKing:** lmao asaku u boob

 

**PantaKing:** u moob

 

**NYO:** moobies!

 

**toj:** I’m leaving to do the laundry. Please don’t scar our guest while I’m gone.

 

**PantaKing:** no promises! By which i mean it’s trauma time

 

**starboy:** ageiwheeopjwpnjgppow holy fuck

 

**no:** it wasn’t that funny

 

**himicutie:** ehehehehheh B)

 

**starboy:** noooo no no

 

**starboy:** himiko was ever so nice to grace me with a single worded message

 

**starboy:** i think i need an ambulance

 

**Come On And Slam:** spill spill spill spill spill

 

**banyonkanyonk:** 911 we have a deranged gremlin here call pest control

 

**Dear Sister:** You’re...going to call the police and tell them to call pest control?

 

**starboy:** himicutie[19:05] : mreasts

 

**banyonkanyonk:** w HAUT

 

**amaminion ranty:** mmaREEATSSTSSS MREASTS WHAT THE FUCK IS MREASTS

 

**starboy:** fu,ckin 

 

**starboy:** masle breaasts

 

**PantaKing:** FUCKKNKOERO yes pelase show me ur mreasts

 

**no:** what the fuck

 

**Come On And Slam:** be tter call another am ublance

 

**NYO:** mreasts :3

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** don’t disrespect the :3 face like this

 

**NYO:** get outta here u weebaboo

 

**DePussy:** mreasts is such a nice word to say

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** no...no it isn’t….

 

**Asumi Asaku:** This is so wrong!!

 

**Dear Sister:** Ditto

 

**banyonkanyonk:** does that mean male nipples are mipples

 

**himicutie:** male areola are mareola

 

**starboy:** sounds like a terminal disease

 

**PantaKing:** whats an areola

 

**no:** ohhhhhh ohhhh ohhh my god

 

**Come On And Slam:** you……...you dont know what a fuckni arola is

 

**starboy:** clearly neither do you considering you typed ‘arola’

 

**Come On And Slam:** shut up hoosh ive seen ur mareolas

 

**starboy:** wh

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hoosh

 

**himicutie:** hoosh

 

**starboy:** can we go back to ripping on ouma and not me plz

 

**banyonkanyonk:** uEAH THE DICKBAG DONT KNOW WHAT AN ALORA IS

 

**tencutie:** an….an alora…

 

**DePussy:** yeah ouma doesnt know what an eolaeoa is

 

**himicutie:** alola

 

**banyonkanyonk:** areola alola form

 

**Dear Sister:** Alorea

 

**Come On And Slam:** aolrea

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** aolra

 

**Bee Movie:** Even Gonta knows what an areola is….

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WHWHHAHaaaahaha

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Let’s change the subject!! What’s your favourite animals?

 

**PantaKing:** areola’s

 

**starboy:** jesus christ

 

**himicutie:** im laugigin

 

**no:** ouma i can’t believe i’m telling you this but an areola is the bit around the nipple

 

**PantaKing:** jkjk i know what an arolola is  <3

 

**no:** there’s nothing but death here with us tonight

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta’s favourite animal are all the bugs in the world!

 

**DePussy:** that’s the best animal

 

**himicutie:** i like hhhhhhhhh snow leopards

 

**starboy:** cats

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ring tailed lemur

 

**amaminion ranty:** thats awfully specific for you i thought your favourite animal was a rabbit

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oh blow it out ur ass u weed haired shitstain

 

**DePussy:** don’t say that he might actually do it

 

**no:** because that’s something we all want to see

 

**Dear Sister:** Even I don’t want to see that, and I’ve seen everything.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hold on i forgot to say this earlier bt a roombas tits are called roomboobs

 

**himicutie:** gHHHGHR

 

**amaminion ranty:** lmAO

 

**no:** great now i have to hate you even more than i already do

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jokes on u you can’t hate me more than that

 

**no:** nonsense my body can sustain more than enough hate for everyone here

 

**Come On And Slam:** its true ive seen her do it

 

**no:** you haven’t seen anything you overplucked chicken

 

**Dear Sister:** What a creative insult…

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Please be nice to one another!!

 

**NYO:** ahahah

 

**NYO:** WAIT

 

**NYO:** WAIT

 

**himicutie:** what

 

**PantaKing:** buckle up u guys angies thinking

 

**no:** christ that could be dangerous

 

**NYO:** AMAMI SAID MIUS FAVROUTE ANIMAL WAS A RABBIT CAUSE A RABBIT IS A DILF

 

**banyonkanyonk:** a what

 

**starboy:** A WHAT

 

**NYO:** dildo

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i’mmm fucvkkbin cfyriingngg o h my god

 

**himicutie:** a fucking what

 

**Come On And Slam:** HAKFDSKJAFKJDJKS JESUS

 

**PantaKing:** A WHAT NOW

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh good god…

 

**amaminion ranty:** uh no angie a rabbit is not a dilf

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Please! Let’s stop talking about rude things!

 

**DePussy:** a fuckin dilf what what w h A T

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** nnnnnoooo

 

**banyonkanyonk:** angie honey don’t wanna be the one to break this to u but a dildo n a dilf are completely different things

 

**NYO:** huh?? I meANT A ….dildo

 

**NYO:** sEE NOW I HAVE TO PRAY AFTER SAYING THAT ITS SIN

 

**NYO:** but what does dilf mean

 

**starboy:** well it aint a rabbit ill tell you that now

 

**amaminion ranty:** i ii mm having a fucking stroke

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dilf means a dad id like to fuck

 

**NYO:** THATS NOT A RABBIT

 

**himicutie:** shit u right its not

 

**Dear Sister:** You are absolutely correct

 

**PantaKing:** wait

 

**PantaKing:** wait

 

**no:** why do I get the feeling ouma’s going to say something ireedeemably horrible

 

**PantaKing:** if usamis a bunny does that mean shes a milf

 

**NYO:** HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM IM NOT SURE I LIKE THIS

 

**NYO:** LET ME CHECK

 

**NYO:** NOPE DON’T LIKE IT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jesus fucking chRIST  Dudde 

 

**himicutie:** god this makes me want to die

 

**starboy:** god i’m already dead

 

**amaminion ranty:** she’s a bilf

 

**Dear Sister:** If the B stands for ‘bunny’ then I’m going to have to call the police.

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** that sure does make a change…

 

**Asumi Asaku:** Please stop! That’s enough!!

 

**Asumi Asaku:** I trusted you to participate in a wholesome group chat and you’re all talking about lewd things! It’s inappropriate!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** oh yeah i forgot to mention asaku is usami

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i think she made a new student to see how our convos are going

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wHAT!?!

 

**PantaKing:** SLUETH BUNNY WHAT THE FUCK

 

**Come On And Slam:** hOW DID WE NOT FIGURE HTA TOU AYSGRIHUJW

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh no, Asumi is even an anagram of ‘Usami’. How stupid…

 

**Asumi Asaku:** This is completely inappropriate!! I’m going to have to step in as your teacher!

 

**PantaKing:** yeah well guess what bunny bilf

 

**_-PantaKing_ ** _ kicked  _ **_Asumi Asaku_ ** _ from the chat- _

 

**amaminion ranty:** …..problem solved?

 

**himicutie:** problem solved

 

**starboy:** smooth

 

**banyonkanyonk:** good going clown filler

 

**NYO:** does this mean Ouma is a cilf

 

**Dear Sister:** Angie, go to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't know what the type of rabbit amami is talking about then its prolly for the best B)


	13. Target in Sight- Take the Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im lookin at the notes and we're makin a steady rise. might have to do something special if we reach 10000

 

 _-_ **_PantaKing, amaminion ranty, Come On And Slam, Bee Movie_ ** _and 4 others have been kicked from_ **_Saishuu School Group Chat_ ** _by_ **_DePussy-_ **

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** tf is this tittymatsu

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** u finally givin in to the pussylicious power of girls

 

 **tencutie:** oh this is so much nicer!!

 

 **no:** ^^^

 

 **DePussy:** miu!! Nooooooo no i just had an idea!!!

 

 **himicutie:** oh the boys are gone

 

 **himicutie:** nice

 

 **NYO:** kami-sama is pleased by this outcome

 

 **NYO:** angie is also pleased

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** owo whats this?

 

 **DePussy:** tsumugi dont make me kick you with the boys

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** to the vOID OF SHAME

 

 **himicutie:** okay but the boys r gonna ask why you booted them

 

 **himicutie:** actually i wanna know too

 

 **DePussy:** i was getting to that!! Be patient!

 

 **NYO:** patience is a virgin

 

 **no:** hm incorrect

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** she has a point. All u mild mannered monkeys are unpenetrated

 

 **tencutie:** good!! It sounds totally barbaric!!

 

 **himicutie:** okay so the not patient people are sexy people

 

 **himicutie:** so thats you and angie basicall

 

 **Banyonkanyonk:** ahAHAH LMAO ANGIE

 

 **NYO:** NYO

 

 **NYO:** angie is a virtue :3

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** a...hold on a second 0-0

 

 **no:** either angie actually planned this exchange or she’s genuinely this dense

 

 **himicutie:** or she ghosttyped it

 

 **NYO:** im not dead yet

 

 **no:** yet

 

 **no:** sounds like wishful thinking to me

 

 **NYO:** i hope you all know angie is a hand of kami-sama!! Anything angie does kami-sama has planted!

 

 **himicutie:** what did he plant

 

 **NYO:** i mean planned!!!!

 

 **himicutie:** what did he plant inside you angie

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** oh hey she really is the virgin angie

 

 **NYO:** noTHING HAS BEEN PLANTED you corn-cut-from-the-cob

 

 **no:** ow

 

 **NYO:** i meannnnnn that everything that i do kami-sama has planned

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** so kami-sama made you say rabbits were dilfs

 

 **NYO:** n nOT THAT

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** and that patience is a virgin

 

 **NYO:** you are all i n s u f f e r a b l e

 

 **no:** coming from literally the most insufferable girl i’ve ever met

 

 **NYO:** whaaaaaa :’3

 

 **himicutie:** okay but maki only knows us

 

 **no:** …

 

 **toj:** Oh, the boys have gone.

 

 **toj:** Akamatsu seems to have disappeared…?

 

 **DePussy:** nononooo i’m still here!! I just went to the bathroom

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** takin a shit takin a huge shit

 

 **DePussy:** yeah thats exactly what i was doing

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** hghhjahajhjja can i tell siahara you blocked the shitter

 

 **DePussy:** nnOOO

 

 **tencutie:** e ewwwwwww

 

 **toj:** Akamatsu, if you’re having troubles, I’m more than able to fix them.

 

 **DePussy:** i WAS KIDDING

 

 **himicutie:** are you constipated? Is that it?

 

 **no:** poor kaede

 

 **DePussy:** seriouslY IM GONNA BANISH U ALL TO THE VOID OF SHAME IN A MINUTE

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** one time i had diarrhoea while being constipated n it shot out the sides of my solid shit

 

 **tencutie:** eWWWWWWW

 

 **himicutie:** ahahahahaah u shot the shit

 

 **no:** god i hate you

 

 **DePussy:** MIU THATS DISGUSTINGGGG

 

 **toj:** Enough about excrement now- Akamatsu what did you need us for?

 

 **NYO:** kami-sama hates you miu

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** w HAT

 

 **DePussy:** i wanted to plan a girls thing! Without the boys

 

 **tencutie:** thats always a good idea!!

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** so a 48 hour all girls nonstop orgy sounds good souonds good

 

 **DePussy:** NO

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** i have some hentai dvd’s  >:3c

 

 **NYO:** kami-sama says no

 

 **no:** i say no

 

 **himicutie:** thats just bad

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** :’3c

 

 **DePussy:** i just thought we could have a lil party or something!! Watch some movies and stuff!!

 

 **toj:** That certainly sounds enjoyable. If you’d like, I can make an assortment of snacks for you?

 

 **DePussy:** and for you too!!!!!

 

 **NYO:** ooooooh!!! A sleepover!! This is gonna be so fun!

 

 **himicutie:** a party without the boys huh

 

 **tencutie:** this is such a good idea!! Tenko is super excited!!

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** wanna watch antfarm dickhole? See what our local midget saw in it?

 

 **no:** i want to say no but this is the most overwhelming amount of curiosity i’ve ever experienced

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** a antfarm whatnow

 

 **himicutie:** yeah thats it

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** hey toj can i stick titties to the roomba

 

 **toj:** No

 

 **NYO:** i dont think tsumugi was here for that

 

 **NYO:** she clearly had kami-sama’s blessing that day

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** wh what is it

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** its exactly what you think it is

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** oh good

 

 **tencutie:** there’s no way we’re watching that!! I thought we were supposed to get away from the boys not watch a movie about...ants and that

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** ants and centipedes :^)

 

 **himicutie:** gross

 

 **tencutie:** further cementing my disgust for filthy males

 

 **no:** who knew

 

 **DePussy:** where are we gonna hold it? Idk about u guys but it seems fun to keep it a secret from the boys!

 

 **NYO:** yeahhh they have no idea why you banished them to the V O I D O F S H A M E

 

 **himicutie:** christ angie that was visually horrifying to read

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** that made my eyes shit its pants

 

 **DePussy:** why this

 

 **toj:** Well, you’re all welcome to use my room. It’s possible to hook up a screen in there to watch some films.

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** i can totes knock up a bigass fuckoff screen to watch ants n dicks on

 

 **himicutie:** dont knock up a screen ur gonna be an irresponsible dad

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** I get the distinct impression you suspect I fellate my inventions, Himiko.

 

 **himicutie:** :)))

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** well ur not wrong u ginger minge

 

 **himicutie:** for a moment i felt my heart squeeze but i think its just indigestion

 

 **tencutie:** do you want some indigestion tablets???

 

 **himicutie:** and people say im the oblivious one

 

 **_-banyonkanyonk_ ** _changed_ **_himicutie_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_ginger minge-_ **

 

 **ginger minge:** thanks i hate it

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** r u calling me a liar rn???

 

 **tencutie:** MIUUUU

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** woah there my lesbian friend i am not a lad thus i have no balls to kick

 

 **no:** she does she’s lying

 

 **no:** they’re on the inside. make sure to get your foot in deep

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** :^)))))

 

 **ginger minge:** how to infertilise miu- a wikihow article

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** with pictures

 

 **ginger minge:** step one- grab a foot. It doesn’t have to be yours.

 

 **no:** ‘it doesn’t have to be yours’

 

 **ginger minge:** step two- insert foot violently into miu’s vajeen

 

 **DePussy:** miu’s what now

 

 **ginger minge:** you heard me

 

 **NYO:** a peen and a vajeen thats funny

 

 **no:** it’s the height of hilarity angie

 

 **ginger minge:** step three- move the foot about so it does damage

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** thats brutal!!! I like it  >:3

 

 **ginger minge:** step four- pull out the foot, or keep it in if you like.

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** thanks for my new addition

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** i’ll call him chad

 

 **ginger minge:** there’s an optional step five where you can just kill miu

 

 **no:** sounds good

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** holdon why the fuck are you dickless peeled grapes tryna sabotage my babymaker

 

 **DePussy:** this is why you’re single

 

 **tencutie:** it’s probably because you’re obsessed with…. S-e-x

 

 **no:** did you really type it out like that, what are you, seven?

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** yeah i am but i’m not a fuckin chump u degenerate!! I’ll have u know i formulated my own fuckin pill

 

 **DePussy:** did you really??

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** why u gotta doubt me like this. Course i did. Much more effective than the one you typically get, n you have to take less pills

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** that swhat you get from a fuckin genius

 

 **no:** well its a good thing geniuses seem to die young

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** what are u gonna do kill me?

 

 **no:** ask a stupid question

 

 **ginger minge:** famous last words

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** rip in heaven miu

 

 **NYO:** she isn’t ready for heaven yet

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** what why aren’t i ready

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** is heaven like a final boss battle where i fight kami-sama

 

 **NYO:** no no no kami-sama is far too kind for that!

 

 **NYO:** but you do have to fight every person, animal and insect that you’ve wronged or killed :3

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** fantastic let’s do it

 

 **toj:** Going back to the party planning, what date did you have in mind?

 

 **DePussy:** oh!! Uhhh

 

 **ginger minge:** lets do it tonight

 

 **no:** it’s 11 at night

 

 **ginger minge:** lets do it tonight

 

 **toj:** Perhaps tomorrow…?

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** that sounds good!

 

 **tencutie:** tenko can do that!

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** sounds like a fuckin plan

 

 **no:** and we aren’t going to tell the boys about this?

 

 **DePussy:** i think it’ll be funny if we kept it a secret

 

 **tencutie:** but do we have to invite them back into the chat?

 

 **no:** whilst it’s nicer without them, it’s a bit boring

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** u just miss kaito n his twelve inch cosmic shlong

 

 **no:** well it’s more than what you’re getting

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** bitch i eat fifteen inch dicks for breakfast what the fuck are you bringing to the table

 

 **no:** dignity

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** who’s she

 

 **no:** exactly

 

 **toj:** Perhaps it would be best if I deleted our conversation from the chat, so they won’t be able to see what we’ve been planning?

 

 **ginger minge:** sounds good

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** who’s going to invite them back?

 

 **DePussy:** tell us when you’re done and ill bring them back from the void

 

 **NYO:** lets tell them theyve been put on the virtual naughty step

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** naughty boys

 

 **NYO:** yknow what never mind

 

 **toj:** Alright, all the previous messages have been deleted- save for this one. I’ll delete them now. Ready?

 

 **DePussy:** okayyy

 

 **_-PantaKing, amaminion ranty, Come On And Slam, Bee Movie_ ** _and_ **_4 others_ ** _were added to_ **_Saishuu School Group Chat_ ** _by_ **_DePussy-_ **

 

 **MewMewTsumugi:** oh hi guys! :3

 

 **PantaKing:** yOU

 

 **PantaKing:** wHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

 

 **Come On And Slam:** WHY DID U KI CK US

 

 **amaminion ranty:** i feel betrayed

 

 **Bee Movie:** Oh, we’re back!!

 

 **Dear Sister:** It appears they’ve been up to something…

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** you wish slim jim

 

 **Dear Sister:** ???

 

 **toj:** I’m afraid you’re mistaken.

 

 **kibble:** I wonder why Akamatsu kicked us from the chat?

 

 **DePussy:** as a joke!! The girls thought it was funny

 

 **No:** hilarious

 

 **NYO:** YOU’VE ALL BEEN BANISHED TO THE VOID OF SHAME

 

 **Bee Movie:** Eh? What did we do?

 

 **PantaKing:** don’t fuKIN SHAME ME U MOULDY COCONUT

 

 **NYO:** kami samas gonna make it so it hurts when you poop

 

 **PantaKing:** omg i’m so scared u guys!!

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** yEAH UR GONNA HAFTA SHIT AROUND UR SHIT

 

 **amaminion ranty:** what

 

 **ginger minge:** not again

 

 **starboy:** hmmmm what do you mean not again.

 

 **kibble:** So they were having a conversation without us!!

 

 **ginger minge:** frankly tenis man i’m offended u’d even accuse me of such a thing

 

 **ginger minge:** what proof is there we were talking without u

 

 **starboy:** well for a start your nickname is fuckin ginger minge which isn’t attractive no matter how you look at it

 

 **ginger minge:** …...whoops

 

 **PantaKing:** HA

 

 **starboy:** and secondly you said again so...kinda infers you were talking about it before

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** so what if we like to exchange bowel habits through the toilet stalls whats it to you ya fuckin turkey

 

 **starboy:** dont get me wrong i like to talk about my shitting habits just as much as the next guy but youre so painfully obvious about this

 

 **ShuulockHolmes:** its true. Its easy for someone to delete the messages

 

 **starboy:** ^^^

 

 **NYO:** yeah toujou

 

 **NYO:** wait

 

 **PantaKing:** HAIEBIREI AHAHAHAHAH WELL DONE

 

 **amaminion ranty:** smooth real smooth

 

 **toj:** Well thank you for dropping me in it, Angie.

 

 **NYO:** no problem :3

 

 **toj:** That was...oh never mind.

 

 **toj:** But I refuse to say anything on the matter.

 

 **Dear Sister:** Angie must be incredibly bad at keeping secrets.

 

 **NYO:** hey i can keep a secret!!! I just like to share

 

 **PantaKing:** yeah well whatever you got you can keep it to yourself

 

 **PantaKing:** might be contagious

 

 **NYO:** all i have is the will and love of kami-sama!!

 

 **PantaKing:** exactly

 

 **NYO:** >:/

 

 **kibble:** What were you planning?

 

 **Bee Movie:** I don’t think they’ll tell us…

 

 **Come On And Slam:** they will with some friendly gentle persuasion

 

 **no:** sounds like you’re planning to stick our heads in the oven until we tell you

 

 **Come On And Slam:** hey!! Im not that much of an asshole

 

 **Come On And Slam:** i was just gonna do a bit of light friendly waterboarding

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** liGHT FRIENDLY WATERBOA RIGN ASDSG

 

 **no:** oh truly my favourite hobby

 

 **no:** drowning :^)

 

 **PantaKing:** can u dowse me with grape panta plzzz

 

 **Come On And Slam:** i mean...i was only going to do the girls but if you really want to i’m not gonna pass up the opportunity to do it

 

 **PantaKing:** hAHAH

 

 **PantaKing:** wait

 

 **amaminion ranty:** mmmmmmaybe they were plannign something without the boys?

 

 **kibble:** That makes the most sense, seeing as they didn’t want us to see.

 

 **PantaKing:** theyre a unch of fucking traitors the lot of you

 

 **tencutie:** thats rich coming from you!!

 

 **PantaKing:** yeah but i’m a traitor everyone likes!!

 

 **starboy:** mate even we don’t like you

 

 **starboy:** the girls sure as hell won’t

 

 **PantaKing:** u can’t even pee standing up what the fuck are you gonna do

 

 **starboy:** uh pee on your shoes probably

 

 **ginger minge:** do it fuckin do it

 

 **Dear Sister:** Whilst it’s definitely one of the more antisocial behaviours, I wouldn’t deny wanting to empty my bladder onto Ouma’s shoes.

 

 **PantaKing:** you guys are fuckin kinky trust the midget and the creep to be into piss

 

 **starboy:** id rather be into piss than clowns

 

 **Dear Sister:** A clown kink is ten times more horrific than anything that escapes your body.

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** does this mean i could shit in ouma’s shoes and his clown kink would still be morally worse

 

 **Dear Sister:** For a moment I was going to ask what would possibly possess you to do such a thing but now that I think about it...I think you should do it.

 

 **PantaKing:** dO NOT SHIT IN MY SHOES

 

 **NYO:** do it kami-sama says take the shit

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** AHHDUSVI TAKE THE SHIT

 

 **ginger minge:** shoes in sight take the shit miu

 

 **PantaKing:** BITCH IF U SHIT IN MY SHOES ill fuckin pee on all of your tools

 

 **amaminion ranty:** you say that like it’s going to make a difference

 

 **Come On And Slam:** yeah she’ll probably enjoy it

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** piss never stopped anybody

 

 **PantaKing:** hreat im gonna ahve to plan a sneak attack

 

 **PantaKing:** kibble!! Assist me in my endeavours!1

 

 **kibble:** ….Do I have to?

 

 **PantaKing:** yes

 

 **kibble:** I don’t think I have a choice here…

 

 **PantaKing:** well if the girls are planning something behind our backs then we’re just gonna have to plan something behind THEIR backs

 

 **Come On And Slam:** lets do it

 

 **amaminion ranty:** we could make a burn book

 

 **starboy:** dont fuckin tell em what were gonna do

 

 **PantaKing:** IT DOESN’T MATTER we’re gonna plan something amazing

 

 **no:** oh wow we’re really scared

 

 **PantaKing:** you should be!!

 

 **Come On And Slam:** oi ouma ...what are you actually plannin to do?

 

 **PantaKing:** :6)

 

 **PantaKing:** fuck i did iw rong

 

 **PantaKing:** :^)

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** clown fucker

 

 **PantaKing:** bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow what are they planning?
> 
> no seriously what are they planning cause i dont fuckin know do you?


	14. Bet the Farm

**_-_** **_Depussy, banyonkanyonk, no, MewMewTsumugi_** _and_ ** _4_** _others were kicked from_ ** _Saishuu School Group Chat_** _by_ ** _PantaKing-_**

 

**PantaKing:** you know whats goin down

 

**amaminion ranty:** down down down

 

**Come On And Slam:** rip girls but not really who needs them amiright?

 

**starboy:** not the gays i imagine

 

**Come On And Slam:** im not gay

 

**Dear Sister:** hm

 

**starboy:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Come On And Slam:** dont you shrug at me with that tone young man

 

**Bee Movie:** Oh, no, are the girls gone now?

 

**kibble:** Does this have anything to do with your ‘plan’ Ouma?

 

**PantaKing:** u hit the nail on the nail kiibitch

 

**amaminion ranty:** u hit the nail on the hammer

 

**kibble:** W-What?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i have no idea what anything is here

 

**starboy:** oumas hitting a hammer with a nail 

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** okay seems reasonable

 

**PantaKing:** okay hammers, nails and sickles aside 

 

**PantaKing:** we need to plan something without the girls to show that uhhhhh we hate them

 

**Dear Sister:** Hm, alright, but I’m sensing a slight flaw in this plan from the off.

 

**PantaKing:** alright gangly goliath shoot

 

**Dear Sister:** We don’t...actually hate the girls.

 

**PantaKing:** alright but thats just nailpicking

 

**Dear Sister:** N...nailpicking. Nitpicking?

 

**starboy:** he probably has nits

 

**PantaKing:** fuck off monkey midget you couldn’t get lice because they’re bigger than your head

 

**starboy:** you’re genetically closer to a louse than a monkey

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** speaking of nailpicking, ouma i sat on your bed the other day and you have nail clippings on your bed its really gross

 

**starboy:** urgh

 

**Come On And Slam:** toujou smacked me with a broom for biting my toenails in the cafeteria

 

**starboy:** oh jeez i wonder why it’s a total fucking mystery

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh, I do that sometimes.

 

**PantaKing:** what the fuck dONT BE A FUCKIN SNITCH

 

**Come On And Slam:** toenail biting solidarity B)

 

**starboy:** my nails are too short to bite anyway

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta has very nice nails! He doesn’t bite them!

 

**kibble:** You humans have some really strange habits…

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i think i saw shinguji chewing on his hair the other day

 

**PantaKing:** EW THATS NASTAY

 

**Dear Sister:** It’s...literally so much better than biting your nails/toenails.

 

**amaminion ranty:** i keep my nails in check because im not a disgusting fuckign heathen

 

**PantaKing:** oh well good for you we can’t all be the jesus of nails

 

**amaminion ranty:** u can all be my disciples

 

**starboy:** id rather be literally anything else

 

**Come On And Slam:** okay but fuckin ouma you legit cant drag people for their habits when you are

 

**Come On And Slam:** the worst

 

**PantaKing:** at what

 

**starboy:** everything

 

**Dear Sister:** Everything

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** everything

 

**PantaKing:** well fuck you all collectively then

 

**PantaKing:** at least i dont pick my nose and eat it

 

**Come On And Slam:** i dont do that

 

**Dear Sister:** who does that?

 

**PantaKing:** idk but i was just saying at least i dont do that

 

**starboy:** i think ive seen himiko do it before

 

**Come On And Slam:** tbf all kids do it it’s where they get their nutrients from

 

**amaminion ranty:** i never did that when i was a kid what kind of monsters were you

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** okay at the risk of sounding gross, you never did that as a kid?

 

**PantaKing:** what the fuck every kid picks their nose and eats it iTS THE LAW

 

**amaminion ranty:** never in my life have i

 

**PantaKing:** never have i ever- picked my nose

 

**starboy:** okay but really every kid does it. maybe you just dont remember doing it

 

**Dear Sister:** I’ll regret saying this but even I did when I was very small. 

 

**PantaKing:** yeah and he’s the weird one!!

 

**amaminion ranty:** oh good what a time to be alive 

 

**amaminion ranty:** im being called out by the fucking bdsm guy for never picking my nose

 

**amaminion ranty:** do you know how fucking low that is

 

**PantaKing:** i dare u to do it right now

 

**Bee Movie:** Picking your nose is very bad manners! But Gonta is sure almost every child does it.

 

**starboy:** yeah you’re the weird one for never doing it

 

**Come On And Slam:** AMAMI FUCKIN DO IT

 

**Dear Sister:** I think you should do it. It would be funny.

 

**amaminion ranty:** no no it wouldn’t it would be gross

 

**starboy:** do it take the plunge

 

**PantaKing:** yeah take the fuckin plunge get it in there good and deep

 

**amaminion ranty:** no 

 

**starboy:** what are u gonna do w your finger

 

**starboy:** gonna pick ur nose

 

**starboy:** better make it deep better make it count

 

**starboy:** better do it in one shot

 

**Come On And Slam:** iIMMG FUCKING DHSHTTING

 

**PantaKing:** gAHJHRWOAUGWGOEGOEGOE BETTER MAKE IT OCUNT

 

**Dear Sister:** I can’t tell if I’m laughing at Hoshi’s extraordinary speech or Ouma’s ‘better make it ocunt’

 

**starboy:** better make it cunt

 

**kibble:** Weren’t we doing something just now? Planning something?

 

**PantaKing:** yeah fuck it we’re just gonn amake amami make green come out of his nose instead of his hair

 

**amaminion ranty:** id rather eat my hair than eat what comes out of my nose

 

**PantaKing:** if u do it ill eat momo’s beard

 

**amaminion ranty:** what

 

**Come On And Slam:** yeah he’lld o it

 

**starboy:** why does your beard only grow on a specific part of your chin

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** secondary protag genetics

 

**PantaKing:** wh

 

**Dear Sister:** What?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** nothing

 

**Come On And Slam:** ?????

 

**PantaKing:** anyway amami cmon take the pl u n g e

 

**amaminion ranty:** plunge is the ugliest word in the world cant you use a different one

 

**starboy:** take the shot

 

**amaminion ranty:** somehow i dont think that works

 

**Bee Movie:** Throw caution to the wind.

 

**amaminion ranty:** i

 

**PantaKing:** it….it works??????

 

**PantaKing:** yeah amami throw caution tot eh wind

 

**PantaKing:** be brave

 

**PantaKing:** but if it starts bleeding youve gone too far

 

**Come On And Slam:** yeah if it gets stuck youve gone too FAR

 

**PantaKing:** man after a long unfulfillin life of not cleanin it out i wonder how much gunk u got up ur nose

 

**amaminion ranty:** i clean my nose properly like a normal fuckin human being

 

**Come On And Slam:** normal people fuckin pick thei rnoses like animals

 

**starboy:** yeah we do our disgusting habits like men

 

**Dear Sister:** I looked up a synonym for a phrase like ‘go for it’ but the first one to come up was ‘bet the farm’ so…

 

**Dear Sister:** Bet the farm, Amami.

 

**PantaKing:** BET THE FARM AMAMI

 

**starboy:** farmami

 

**Come On And Slam:** FaARAMM

 

**_-PantaKing_ ** _ changed  _ **_amaminion ranty_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_farmami-_ **

 

**farmami:** thanks i fucking despise it

 

**Dear Sister:** Alternatively, it appears you could say ‘go all out’ or ‘put one’s heart and soul into it’.

 

**Come On And Slam:** PUT YOUR RHEART AND SOUL INTO IT AMAMI

 

**starboy:** yeah farmami put ur back into it

 

**PantaKing:** as mama toj says, when she makes riceballs she puts her whole body into it

 

**PantaKing:** put your whole body into your nose

 

**kibble:** W...what.

 

**starboy:** insert your entire body into one nostril

 

**PantaKing:** how to pick ur nose a guide by hoshi

 

**starboy:** then fucking

 

**starboy:** coexist with whatever fucking wildlife thats managed to grow there since youve never cleaned it out

 

**Dear Sister:** Coexist with the entire ecosystem living in Amami’s nostril

 

**farmami:** i hate all of you so so so much its making me want to die

 

**PantaKing:** amami if you die ill pose you with your finger up your nose in your coffin

 

**starboy:** thats a disgraceful way to go

 

**Dear Sister:** I’m sure his parents are very proud.

 

**Come On And Slam:** come on farmi do it DO IT DO IT PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO IT BETTER MAKE IT COUNT

 

**Dear Sister:** Do it.

 

**PantaKing:** BET THE FARM BET THE FARM BET THE FARM

 

**starboy:** do it do it do it dont be a pussy do it

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i think you should do it

 

**kibble:** I regret every life choice that led me to meet any of you.

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta thinks it’s bad manners but nobody’s watching…

 

**PantaKing:** idk kami-sama’s probably watching

 

**PantaKing:** kami-sama’s saying to take the shot

 

**Come On And Slam:** this is probably why the girls hate us

 

**starboy:** yeah this is probably why they wanted to do something without us

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i doubt their conversation has gone anything like this

 

**farmami:** fine fuckiNG FINE ILL DO IT

 

**farmami:** you’re all gross as shit

 

**PantaKing:** YEYEYEYEYEYYE wait do u think there’s a nose fetish out there somewhere

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** A singular nose fetish

 

**starboy:** nostrilingus

 

**Come On And Slam:** is that what its called

 

**starboy:** idk i just made it up

 

**Dear Sister:** Ah well, time to add ‘nose fetish’ onto my already incriminating and ghastly search history.

 

**starboy:** my man gooj comes through for us

 

**Dear Sister:** Yeah, yeah…

 

**farmami:** alright fine here we go

 

**PantaKing:** GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

 

**Come On And Slam:** I’m so proud of my son im crying

 

**farmami:** this feels really wrong it feels like masturbating in a house thay isnt yours

 

**starboy:** what kind of fucking life have you been living

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh my god.

 

**starboy:** what

 

**Dear Sister:** Alright, to answer your question, the term for a nose fetish would be Nasophilia, I believe, however the article continues.

 

**PantaKing:** oh boy

 

**Dear Sister:** To cut a long story short, it says some fantasties may revolve around transformation of the nose to fit a fictional work, such as Pinocchio or...in the case of sexual humilation, a pigs nose.

 

**Come On And Slam:** oink oink

 

**Bee Movie:** Isn’t Hoshi’s nose a little like that?

 

**Starboy:** wHAT

 

**PantaKing:** bUAOAJRGHOE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA OUCH

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** gonta i fear that may have been a liiiiiiittle bit rude

 

**Bee Movie:** Oh, no, Gonta is sorry!! Gonta didn’t say it was a bad thing!

 

**starboy:** ………..

 

**PantaKing:** oohhh he’s sending you the dots of s i l e n c e

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta is really, really sorry for being mean!!

 

**starboy:** nah nah the damage has been done its too late

 

**starboy:** fuckin…….pigs nose my fuckin ass

 

**starboy:** youre all nasty

 

**PantaKing:** i mean he’s not wrong

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** its true but you shouldnt say it

 

**Bee Movie:** ;_;

 

**farmami:** god who taught gonta how to emote

 

**PantaKing:** put that finger where it belongs farm

 

**farmami:** i did. It was not pleasant.

 

**PantaKing:** of course it’s not fuckin pleasant its meant to feel weird liek

 

**PantaKing:** sticking a ifinger up ur ass when u wipe

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** wh...what

 

**Dear Sister:** God, I wish I never had to read that.

 

**starboy:** gonta i forgive you buddy in favour of asking ouma what hte fuck are you doing

 

**kibble:** This sounds incredibly unsanitary.

 

**PantaKing:** u guys i was joking

 

**Come On And Slam:** no you fuckin werent OUMA U NASTY FUCKER

 

**PantaKing:** U GOTTA BE THOROUGH WHEN U WIPE OR U GET SKIDMARKS

**starboy:** your entire existence is a fucking skidmark

 

**farmami:** okay that im drawing the line at that im not doing that

 

**Dear Sister:** Yeah, don’t, otherwise we’d have no choice but to shoot you at the crack of dawn.

 

**PantaKing:** hey farmy did u eat the nose mass

 

**farmami:** no, because im not a child

 

**PantaKing:** coward

 

**starboy:** please dont tell me you eat whatever you pick off your fingers

 

**starboy:** because if the last bits of the convo are anything to go by

 

**starboy:** i’m thinking we’re just going tohave to burn you

 

**kibble:** That sounds like the most agreeable thing so far!

 

**PantaKing:** KIIBO U FUCKER

 

**Dear Sister:** All in favour of our secret, behind-the-girls-back’s activity to be burning Ouma at the stake?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** aye

 

**starboy:** aye

 

**farmami:** aye

 

**Come On And Slam:** aye

 

**PantaKing:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**farmami:** not to be a bitch but can we just fucking delete this conversation so the girls dont read that you guys fuckin made me pick my own nose

 

**starboy:** yeah because we absolutely held you at gunpoint

 

**PantaKing:** take the plunge or we take the shot

 

**farmami:** please take the shot

 

**Dear Sister:** I will delete it, if it’ll make you feel better.

 

**farmami:** i cant believe the fucking bdsm guy was the only good guy in all of this

 

**Bee Movie:** Wait, what are we doing now?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** we’re burning ouma at the stake

 

**Bee Movie:** Oh….okay!

 

**PantaKing:** fuUCOFE

 

**Come On And Slam:** oh shit i should invite the chicks backkkk

 

**Dear Sister:** It’s all gone.

 

**_-DePussy, banyonkanyonk, no, MewMewTsumugi_ ** _ and  _ **_4_ ** _ others were added to  _ **_Saishuu School Group Chat_ ** _ by _ **_Come On And Slam-_ **

 

**NYO:** we’re free from the void!!!

 

**DePussy:** guess the boys did what we did huh

 

**PantaKing:** oi siahara i forgot to ask what are kaedes skidmarks like

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** wh wa IT

 

**DePussy:** wHAT

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hUAOROGEOOEO AHAHAHAH NICE ONE

 

**toj:** Oh...dear.

 

**ginger minge:** what the fuck

 

**farmami:** im sorry everyone its time for me to see jesus

 

**tencutie:** ghhg

 

**ginger minge:** why the fuck is your name farmami now

 

**farmami:** idk i seem to have blocked out the last hour from my mind due to trauma

 

**DePussy:** SHUU!!!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i SWEAR WE WRENT TALKING ABOUT OYU

 

**PantaKing:** kukukukuku

 

**PantaKing:** wait thats not my laugh

 

**PantaKing:** nishsishishsii

 

**Dear Sister:** Somehow I feel robbed.

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** reading this is making me tired

 

**DePussy:** ouma i dont like to use bad language but youre a fucking cock

 

**PantaKing:** B)

 

**no:** so what were you planning?

 

**no:** actually no i don’t care

 

**farmami:** rude

 

**ginger minge:** i regret being let back into the conversation

 

**starboy:** they said i had a pig nose can u fucking believe

 

**ginger minge:** hm who needs to die

 

**ginger minge:** who wronged my boy

 

**starboy:** thanks mum

 

**tencutie:** you’re all being too loud!! Tenko’s handbook wont stop buzzing!

 

**toj:** Please sleep.

 

**no:** forever

 

**DePussy:** we’ll talk about this tomorrow

 

**Bee Movie:** Goodnight everyone!!

 

**ginger minge:** rip conconsciousness

 

**NYO:** goodnyight!!

 

**PantaKing:** AMAMI PICKED HIS NOSE

 

**farmami:** OUMA

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all profits from this fic go towards preserving the precious ecosystem living in amami's left nostril
> 
> please donate today!


	15. Family Fight Club

**PantaKing:** hmmmm hmm hmmm

 

**PantaKing:** give me

 

**PantaKing:** torkey

 

**farmami:** i can give you syphillis but thats bout it

 

**PantaKing:** merry chrysanthemums you guys

 

**ginger minge:** farm-man aside wtf is torkey

 

**Come On And Slam:** horkey torkey

 

**toj:** I believe Torquay is a place in the south of England…?

 

**no:** what

 

**PantaKing:** hm yes lets eat some nice torquay

 

**Dear Sister:** Hm, Yes, let’s commit mass cannibalism.

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** illegal

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** arrest yourself

 

**PantaKing:** take me to your jail shuu ;)

 

**DePussy:** blocked and reported

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** sorry why does amami have syphillis now?

 

**PantaKing:** he picked his nose without protection

 

**no:** what the fuck

 

**starboy:** i mean its true but

 

**tencutie:** gross, gross gross!!! 

 

**NYO:** kami-sama offers us his protection from danger if you believe, pray to him daily and offer necessary sacrifices!! Belief in kami-sama has lots of good advantages and it will offer you lifelong and eternal protection!

 

**NYO:** protection is excluded from, but not limited to, terminal illness, murder and vehicular manslaughter. Protection is also limited to first-degree family in the case of mental and emotional damage. Ask your family and local church if kami-sama is right for you.

 

**farmami:** what

 

**NYO:** terms and conditions apply

 

**Come On And Slam:** did angie just fucking appear to sell kami-sama to us

 

**no:** she’s like an avon lady but much more insufferable and a little less psychotic

 

**NYO:** thank you :3

 

**no:** you shouldnt be

 

**PantaKing:** angie: hey how are ya ever heard of a neat little thing called jESUS

 

**NYO:** jezus

 

**NYO:** ny

 

**NYO:** JESUS IS THE BEES KNEESUS

 

**NYO:** NYAHAHAHAHAH

 

**starboy:** angie what

 

**ginger minge:** can someone put angie in jail thnx

 

**NYO:** you can jail me but you can’t jail kami-sama

 

**PantaKing:** what the effing fuck

 

**farmami:** angie are...you ok?

 

**no:** has she ever been

 

**toj:** Do you need any help?

 

**NYO:** not anymore than you g uys need kneesus

 

**starboy:** jesus kneesus

 

**Come On And Slam:** its like evil knieval but fuckin jesus kneesus

 

**DePussy:** nyeesus

 

**NYO:** too far

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i

 

**DePussy:** HOW WAS THAT TOO FAR

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yoyoyo whats up sluts whats happening

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yknow what never the fuck you mind

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jesus h christ angle

 

**Bee Movie:** What does the ‘H’ stand for…?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** heesus

 

**ginger minge:** heesus

 

**Come On And Slam:** heesus

 

**NYO:** harold

 

**starboy:** j jesus harold christ

 

**NYO:** correct

 

**farmami:** jesus heesus christ

 

**ginger minge:** jesus happy christmas

 

**tencutie:** thats a good one

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jesus fucking jesus

 

**Dear Sister:** Hm, now why would you let yourself type those words?

 

**NYO:** NYO NYO NYO NO 

 

**PantaKing:** don’t fuckin fellate jesus, jesus- jesus!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** what

 

**starboy:** this...actually makes sense

 

**Come On And Slam:** jesus only loves jesus

 

**banyonkanyonk:** jesus / 32 / male / sagittarius / jesus-sexual / don’t ship me with judas

 

**ginger minge:** JWIAOEOWRJ

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** w h a t

 

**toj:** Ugh…

 

**PantaKing:** dont ship me with judas bad ship you should go die if you ship jesus x kudas

 

**farmami:** mind telling us who the fuck kudas is

 

**no:** kudos

 

**Dear Sister:** I’m just about ready to bury myself six-feet underground.

 

**starboy:** do it

 

**NYO:** thisis very bad you’re all bad people

 

**DePussy:** coming from the kami-sama saleswoman

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** yeah do you have a license to sell that here

 

**NYO:** do i have a license to sell kami-sama

 

**NYO:** do you have a license to be a little bitch

 

**Come On And Slam:** HUSROGEUWGJOWROG

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i

 

**PantaKing:** WOW ANGIE FUCKIN MURDERED SAIHARA

 

**ginger minge:** hello 911 i’d like to report a crime

 

**farmami:** heajkgjjhkdj angie what the fuck

 

**starboy:** jesus cheesus

 

**banyonkanyonk:** cheesy jesus

 

**no:** i think that’s the only thing she’s said that i actually agree with

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta doesn’t like cheese.

 

**PantaKing:** well then gonta is dead to ouma

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** thats rude  >:3

 

**Dear Sister:** Ouma, you wouldn’t happen to be one of those people who just...eats blocks of cheese. Like, takes whole bites out of big chunks of cheese, are you?

 

**PantaKing:** oh no i’ve been discovered for the cheese eater i am

 

**PantaKing:** cheesus save me

 

**starboy:** not sure if you know this but cheese is a slang term for weed so

 

**ginger minge:** weed eater

 

**farmami:** stoned snake: weed eater

 

**Dear Sister:** My favourite game.

 

**Come On And Slam:** not quite right but okay

 

**farmami:** do i look like i play video games to you

 

**PantaKing:** nah u look like a dickhead who picks his nose

 

**farmami:** YOU MADE ME

 

**toj:** Actually, going back to cheese, is that why I’ve noticed there are big chunks missing from the large blocks of cheese we have in the pantry?

 

**PantaKing:** what

 

**no:** please tell me youre joking

 

**toj:** I wish I was. For a moment, I thought we might have rats.

 

**toj:** Actually, that statement wouldn’t be wrong if it was Ouma who was responsible.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** HAHAHAHAH

 

**PantaKing:** mother are you calling me a fucking rat

 

**toj:** No, I’m calling you an oversized rodent who brings nothing but death and disease and who eats a stupid amount of cheese.

 

**ginger minge:** hey that rhymed

 

**PantaKing:** i cAN RHYME TOO YOU maid

 

**starboy:** why is that an insult

 

**PantaKing:** im gonna fuckin uhhhh raid a spade from the maid

 

**PantaKing:** boom

 

**Dear Sister:** Full offense, because that was pathetic.

 

**PantaKing:** well you can stick a turkey up ur ass

 

**toj:** Uh, rhyming aside, have you been consuming the contents of the pantry without permission?

 

**PantaKing:** i cant talk im a rat rats cant talk

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh good, then be quiet.

 

**PantaKing:** i

 

**farmami:** wheyyyyy

 

**starboy:** that was good

 

**PantaKing:** HEY HOLD ON

 

**NYO:** kami-sama says to be quiet ratman

 

**no:** oumas being burnt left and right

 

**ginger minge:** he’s being cooked like a torkey

 

**toj:** That was...rather good teamwork.

 

**Dear Sister:** It was, wasn’t it?

 

**Bee Movie:** Is Ouma going to be quiet now?

 

**PantaKing:** NO

 

**banyonkanyonk:** shut up u rat-faced imp

 

**PantaKing:** youre a fucking tramp you’re lady and the tramp but without the lady

 

**banyonkanyonk:** u wANNA GO U SHRIMP-DICKED SHIT STAIN

 

**farmami:** i thought you were the one with shitstains little miss skidmarks

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ILL SET YOUR FUCKIN HAIR ON FIRE CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE CRUSTY PUKE

 

**starboy:** what the fuck is going on here

 

**farmami:** stop leaving cumstains on the washing machine you robot fucking freak

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i built those fuckers i can do what i want

 

**ginger minge:** what

 

**no:** the fuck

 

**toj:** Actually, I do have some grievances with that too-- please keep your sexual endeavours out of the laundry room. 

 

**toj:** And the kitchen for that matter.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** the fuck do you think you’re insinuating

 

**PantaKing:** miu likes cucumbers ;)

 

**banyonkanyonk:** arent you meant to shut up this isnt a fuckin ero film

 

**Come On And Slam:** shes getting fifty shades of her five-a-day

 

**DePussy:** lMAO

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wait whY THE FUCK AM I GETTING BOLLOCKED ALL OF A SUDDEN

 

**banyonkanyonk:** AT LEAST WARN ME BEFORE YOU ALL START SHAFTING ME IN TANDEM

 

**Come On And Slam:** youd totally like that wouldnt you

 

**banyonkanyonk:** keep it in your pants moon man ur a married man

 

**no:** debatable

 

**Come On And Slam:** wtf did i do???

 

**no:** your username doesnt reflect your life very accurately

 

**ginger minge:** oohohhhh

 

**tencutie:** get him maki!

 

**no:** go away you deranged lesbian

 

**tencutie:** I DIDNT DO ANYTHING 

 

**tencutie:** at least girls like me!!

 

**starboy:** fuck

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ghAYAYAYAYA

 

**tencutie:** you can stay away

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WHA T

 

**Dear Sister:** How much does it hurt to be disliked by the lone lesbian of the group.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** do i need to make a joke about you banging your sister or can we all fill in the blanks on that one

 

**Dear Sister:** You could, but it would be incorrect.

 

**tencutie:** please fold yourself in half and lie on a train track

 

**Dear Sister:** I will kill you and nobody will find the body.

 

**DePussy:** w woah maybe this is getting out of hand

 

**banyonkanyonk:** oh look its morally correct tittymatsu gtfo

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** hey be nice!

 

**farmami:** u gonna fight miu? Cause no offense saihara but really?

 

**DePussy:** i dont need him to fight for me i can do it fine myself

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** kaede punched you in the face and you started crying, miu

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah cause it was fuckin unwarranted jesus christ can you get out of each others assholes for once

 

**ginger minge:** thats all theyre ever doing

 

**DePussy:** coming from you

 

**ginger minge:** the fuck did i do

 

**PantaKing:** u and the tennis gremlin having been tonguing each others assholes for like weeks now

 

**starboy:** okay thats interesting

 

**tencutie:** it is kind of sickening blegh

 

**ginger minge:** were not like that also dont be rude

 

**NYO:** kami sama says you guys are netflix and chilling when you should be hulu and committing

 

**starboy:** shut up angie you demented extremist

 

**NYO:** nyahahahahahahahhaahaaaaaa

 

**NYO:** you’re a whiny pissbaby and kami-sama’s gonna kick you into the sea

 

**NYO:** bon voyage motherfucker

 

**banyonkanyonk:**  WHA t ehehtfs FUCK

 

**PantaKing:** what is this i

 

**kibble:** Hello!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** get outta here kibble

 

**kibble:** Goodbye!

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta thinks we should stop fighting!

 

**toj:** Toujou thinks Gonta needs to stop letting insects loose inside the school.

 

**Bee Movie:** They were dying!!

 

**Come On And Slam:** oy dont be mean to gonta !!

 

**no:** oh now you care

 

**Come On And Slam:** seriously harumaki what the hell did i do to you

 

**toj:** It’s not like you do much to begin with.

 

**no:** yeah the only thing youre really doing is depriving a village somewhere of a twat

 

**Dear Sister:** Same could be said for everybody else really.

 

**tencutie:** not me! you’re the creepy one!

 

**PantaKing:** tenko you’re absoluteyl fucking creepy

 

**tencutie:** NO SHE ISNT YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 

**NYO:** poke him in the eyes

 

**ginger minge:** leave korky alone 

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** what the hell

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dont worry illl handle this

 

**banyonkanyonk:** tsumu youre a fucking weeb

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** hm correct :3

 

**NYO:** goodbye

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** angie kami-sama isnt fucking real

 

**NYO:** RIGHT NOW YOU DIE

 

**starboy:** o oh fuck okay

 

**banyonkanyonk:** bye moog looks like ur gonna die

 

**PantaKing:** ahaaajJjajf kill her angie

 

**NYO:** kami-sama says you were made from the gross water you get in cottage cheese

 

**PantaKing:** cheesus turns water into cheese

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** angie please dont hurt tsumugi

 

**NYO:** saihara chaaaaaaaaan youre not a fucking policemaaaannnnn so dont act like oneeeee

 

**farmami:** esus christ

 

**NYO:** angie can do what she likes if kami-sama says its okay

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i can still stop you angie…

 

**no:** no offense saihara but you couldnt stop a bus at a fucking bus stop

 

**DePussy:** be quiet maki 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah everyone knows you wanna get dicked down byt he astronaut

 

**no:** you must be as delusional as he is

 

**Come On And Slam:** who the fuck are you calling delusional

 

**starboy:** god can you all fucking stop 

 

**Come On And Slam:** stop being a self deprecating dickhead and well see

 

**starboy:** i hope you die in space

 

**ginger minge:** youre both assholes shut up

 

**DePussy:** yeah can we stop fighting

 

**banyonkanyonk:** shut up no tits

 

**no:** you are so immature 

 

**Come On And Slam:** youre the immature one!

 

**PantaKing:** guys guys you’re all right!!

 

**ginger minge:** you’re the worst of them all

 

**PantaKing:** at least i know magic isnt real

 

**Dear Sister:** Yet somehow you’re ten times more stupid than she is.

 

**ginger minge:** thank you?

  
  


**_-ShuulockHolmes_ ** _ added  _ **_Miss-Usami_ ** _ to  _ **_Saishuu School Group Chat-_ **

 

**Miss-Usami:** Everybody please stop this fighting!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** ohgood job saihara

 

**PantaKing:** ugh

 

**Miss-Usami:** This isn’t what this chat was designed for!! This chat was to help you all get along and help each other, not to verbally attack each other!

 

**ginger minge:** yeah yeah

 

**no:** whatever

 

**Miss-Usami:** If you can’t all learn to get along and respect each other, then I’m going to have to delete this chat! I can’t let you continue fighting like this!

 

**PantaKing:** hey miss usami can i ask you a question?

 

**Miss-Usami:** Of course you can!

 

**PantaKing:** how does it feel to get kicked?

 

**Miss-Usami:** ...excuse me?

 

**_-PantaKing_ ** _ kicked  _ **_Miss-Usami_ ** _ from  _ **_Saishuu School Group Chat-_ **

 

**PantaKing:** right now that thats over

 

**PantaKing:** no joke you guys i want a turkey and cheese sandwich stat

 

**NYO:** bye bye bunny chan! Angie wants uhhhhhhhhh ham and cheese!

 

**farmami:** i totally fucking knew you were gonna do that

 

**farmami:** also i want egg and cress plz

 

**toj:** I suppose I can make some for everybody.

 

**ginger minge:** just ham please tojojo

 

**no:** cheese and onion

 

**Come On And Slam:** meat just stick a slab of fucking meat between some bread

 

**DePussy:** tuna mayo sounds good!!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** i’ll have the same please toujou…

 

**Dear Sister:** I wouldn’t mind cheese and pickle, if we have any cheese left.

 

**starboy:** blt thanks

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** id like haaaaam and tomatoooooes :3

 

**Bee Movie:** Can Gonta have fish paste please?

 

**tencutie:** tenko waaaaants plain cheese!!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hmu with turkey and ham gimme that thicc meat

 

**kibble:** I’m back! Usami seems upset with you all somehow…?

 

**PantaKing:** uhhhhhhh ahh fuck it

 

**NYO:** too hungry to look at the bunny

 

**toj:** I’ll get on these now, if you’d all come down to the cafeteria?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah toujou get on it

 

**toj:** I’ll, uh...do my best, I suppose.

 

**ginger minge:** hwhowwooo sandwichesss we can deal with usami another time

 

**starboy:** that is if she doesnt come in and cry at us

 

**PantaKing:** whatever it aint no skin off my dick

 

**PantaKing:** not when its fucking torkey time

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its fucking torkey time you guys
> 
> come follow me on tumblr or discord @ unavoidablekoishi i don't bite


	16. Fucking 2018 In Three Seconds Flat

**PantaKing:** happy new years dickheads

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** it’s still 2016

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** 2017 i mean

 

**farmami:** husrowiw saihara refusing to move into the future

 

**ginger minge:** happy 2016 you guys merry gallbladder

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** my finger hits the wrong button and suddenly i get shafted for it

 

**PantaKing:** thats how it be

 

**starboy:** i feel you saihara

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wtf r you dicktwitches talking about it’s 2017 next year

 

**Dear Sister:** ????

 

**farmami:** i think the fuck not

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wtf

 

**banyonkanyonk:** wait

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**toj:** Please tell me she’s just joking…?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WAIT NO FUCKI HODL THE SHIT 

 

**PantaKing:** no i will not hold the shit

 

**DePussy:** d...did miu actually think it was still 2016

 

**Come On And Slam:** it may be 2017 but it’s 2016 in our hearts

 

**NYO:** fuck nyall angies still living in 2014

 

**toj:** Language, Angie.

 

**NYO:** sorry

 

**NYO:** fuck nyall angies still living four years ago

 

**toj:** That’s…

 

**toj:** Never mind…

 

**PantaKing:** 2014 is now a curse u guys this is the new meme of 2018

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** but its still 2017

 

**banyonkanyonk:** YALL ARE FUCKIN LYING ARENTCHA

 

**Dear Sister:** Why would we even lie about the year? Surely that’s impossible?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** no guys really pack it the fuck in im 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** a year cant have passed without me knowing wth

 

**PantaKing:** me as miu: what the 2014 it can’t be 2017, nearly 2018, it’s still 2016

 

**ginger minge:** what does this say what does it mean

 

**tencutie:** too many numbers!!

 

**NYO:** fuck nyall angies still living in 1945

 

**farmami:** wouldnt that be a bad thing 

 

**NYO:** not if you’re still living in 2014

 

**starboy:** i 

 

**starboy:** what the fuck

 

**Dear Sister:** So Angie is living in 1945 but really living in 2014?

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** no shes living in 2014 but really living in 1945

 

**PantaKing:** guys she’s clearly living in fucking 145 bc look at the way she dresses

 

**NYO:** bitch u got a problem with my clothes the y were gifted to me by kAMI SAMA

 

**Dear Sister:** Kami-sama sure does have questionable taste.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** coming from the bdsm man ya fuckin gimp

 

**Dear Sister:** Coming from the woman who lost a year of her life to fellating machines.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dont call kibbles a machine u robo racist

 

**kibble:** I...I’m not sure if any of this is accurate but thanks for defending me!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** yeah w/e robocop go shoot someone in the dick

 

**PantaKing:** yeah kib go shoot momota in the sack

 

**NYO:** sack means bed

 

**PantaKing:** no it does not

 

**NYO:** it does too angie can prove

 

**Come On And Slam:** wait no dont fuckin shoot me in the sack 

 

**no:** do it

 

**PantaKing:** the sack im referencing is the one that holds squishy orbs of c u m

 

**toj:** For God’s sake Ouma, shut up.

 

**farmami:** ASERFTGH TOJ

 

**ginger minge:** mama toj comin for you

 

**banyonkanyonk:** gimme summa them squishy orbs of C U M

 

**Dear Sister:** You’re all fucking foul.

 

**PantaKing:** shut up skinny malinky latex

 

**farmami:** a i hol y fuc

 

**starboy:** he snaps

 

**banyonkanyonk:** JISOGRJWOJOIOO latex man comin for ur ass

 

**tencutie:** BLEGH

 

**NYO:** He stands outside your door, breathing quietly, wearing nothing but a mask and a pair of rubber gloves. He awaits consent.

 

**farmami:** WH

 

**ginger minge:** NANAANGNGIE

 

**DePussy:** well this is easil yht worst

 

**NYO:** what the fuck is this i didn’t write this

 

**Come On And Slam:** angie disassociates: the novel

 

**PantaKing:** kami sama ghostwrote this

 

**NYO:** HE DID NOT

 

**farmami:** just like dilfs

 

**starboy:** kami-sama is a dilf

 

**starboy:** technically speaking

 

**ginger minge:** JESUS IS HIS CHILD HE IS A DAD

 

**NYO:** NO

 

**Come On And Slam:** who wouldnt want to fuck kami-sama i sure as hell would gimme that gilf

 

**tencutie:** you’re all so nasty

 

**PantaKing:** hold on u guys kami sama is talking to me

 

**PantaKing:** hes telling me hes clowns

 

**PantaKing:** hes into clowns

 

**ginger minge:** hes clowns

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hes fucking clowns you guys

 

**NYO:** you’re all clowns 

 

**starboy:** kami samas a clown

 

**NYO:** youre all gonna die and nobody will save you

 

**NYO:** kami sama didnt deserve this

 

**ginger minge:** guys guys angie didnt die for this lets show some re$pect

 

**farmami:** me, crying: how did you say that out loud

 

**Dear Sister:** Oh, is Angie dead? That’s almost unfortunate.

 

**NYO:** what do you mean almost unfortunate you limp string bean

 

**PantaKing:** AAAAA ANGIES GONE FOREVER AND WELL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN CAUE SHES DEAD WAAAAAAAA

 

**no:** that’s not unfortunate at all

 

**NYO:** wh wHY SO MEAN

 

**banyonkanyonk:** bye angie have fun in heaven you rampant religious fucknut

 

**NYO:** YOU ARE PUBES

 

**starboy:** asdfghf

 

**starboy:** i mean

 

**starboy:** oh shit angies gone thats a shame

 

**toj:** Truly a shame.

 

**NYO:** NO VIRGIN MOTHER TOJO DONT LEAVE ANGIE

 

**Bee Movie:** What’s going on? 

 

**farmami:** angie died

 

**Bee Movie:** Oh no, that’s so sad!! Is she okay?

 

**PantaKing:** HUAOEJOWOWOW WOW GONTA

 

**ginger minge:** is she okay? Nah shes just fuckin dead an all

 

**Bee Movie:** Wait…

 

**NYO:** ANGIE ISNT DEAD YOU SILLY BUNCH OF BANANAS

 

**Dear Sister:** I can feel her presence still here. It’s almost like she’s insulting us using the power of fruit.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** she can stick a banana up her fanny

 

**no:** nasty

 

**NYO:** excuse u nothing is entering angies private parts until kAMI SAMA WILLS IT

 

**PantaKing:** why is kami samam willing something into angies vagina

 

**NYO:** AHUEOIRGOIWJOOIW NO NO NO RUDE UNPARALLELED RUDENESS SIN

 

**toj:** I agree with the person who is supposed to be dead.

 

**NYO:** what do you mean supposed to be dead

 

**toj:** It means exactly what it means.

 

**farmami:** angie shouldve died long ago

 

**NYO:** shut up farm

 

**banyonkanyonk:** lmao u got told

 

**NYO:** nyall are so mean so mean so mean im gonna tell buff bunny usami on all of you!

 

**ginger minge:** kami sama doesnt like tattletales

 

**NYO:** kami sama doesnt like you

 

**Come On And Slam:** hey quick question what the fuck is going on

 

**no:** when do you ever know whats going on

 

**Come On And Slam:** hey quick answer never

 

**starboy:** is angie not dead anymore or what 

 

**NYO:** she might as well bE CAUSE YOU’RE ALL SO MEAN

 

**no:** we’re not mean we’re merely intolerant of you

 

**NYO:** kami-sama will get you in your sleep and itll look like  a fucking accident

 

**no:** not before i kill him first he wont

 

**Come On And Slam:** aim high harumaki

 

**no:** i literally plan to

 

**ginger minge:** face hell and walk backwards into god

 

**banyonkanyonk:** where are you you miraculous bastard

 

**NYO:** no no no killing kami-sama thats against the law

 

**farmami:** what law

 

**farmami:** what fucking law

 

**NYO:** angies laws read em and weep

 

**Dear Sister:** You...have your own set of laws?

 

**starboy:** commandments of angie

 

**PantaKing:** time to break every law the law cant stop me im g O D

 

**NYO:** PAY ATTENTION U NAUGHTY CHILI PEPPERS

 

**NYO:** angies gonna school you all with her amazing laws

 

**toj:** Oh...good.

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta wants to learn!

 

**DePussy:** strap tight everybody

 

**no:** this could be dangerous

 

**NYO:** LAW UNO do not kill kami-sama he has done nothing to warrant this

 

**Dear Sister:** Uh…

 

**starboy:** how about genocide

 

**ginger minge:** natural disasters

 

**PantaKing:** you called?

 

**ginger minge:** fuck what you

 

**farmami:** are you genocide or natural disasters?

 

**PantaKing:** yes

 

**toj:** How about the entirety of humanity…?

 

**no:** a parasite that eats childrens eyes

 

**Come On And Slam:** why is that the only thing about children you actually know

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** terminal illness too

 

**NYO:** remember this life is a test to see if we can go to heaven!! All those bad things are just temporarily

 

**no:** ….parasites that burrow into and eat children’s eyeballs….

 

**NYO:** its just a test

 

**farmami:** a angie

 

**NYO:** ITS JUST A PRANK DW

 

**DePussy:** did kami-sama really create a parasite that eats childrens eyes

 

**PantaKing:** no but are wE GONNA WAIT AROUND TIL HE DOES

 

**no:** yes

 

**NYO:** next

 

**NYO:** being sad is punishable by death

 

**PantaKing:** bye hoshi

 

**Come On And Slam:** rip little buddy

 

**starboy:** i don’t care it’s a win win situation either way

 

**banyonkanyonk:** you’re a depressing sack of shit

 

**ginger minge:** hey small man we talked about this

 

**tencutie:** himiko has been very nice to help you so be thankful you strange child!!

 

**starboy:** i am but angie’s proposition is really tempting

 

**ginger minge:** …

 

**PantaKing:** all in favour aye aye

 

**starboy:** okay sorry

 

**ginger minge:** ….

 

**farmami:** oh you fucked it tenis shes giving you the DOTS OF SILENCE

 

**toj:** She must be very upset.

 

**starboy:** i said sorry

 

**Dear Sister:** Look at what you did.

 

**starboy:** shut up green giant go eat some corn

 

**Dear Sister:** I will eat corn knowing I haven’t upset my friends.

 

**PantaKing:** *friend

 

**Dear Sister:** Everybody hates you, Ouma.

 

**PantaKing:** touch

 

**farmami:** om

 

**toj:** I believe the phrase is ‘touche’.

 

**PantaKing:** t o u c h

 

**ginger minge:** tush

 

**starboy:** oh hey

 

**ginger minge:** ….

 

**starboy:** i

 

**banyonkanyonk:** HAJLKLEREGJWL SWERVED

 

**tencutie:** it’s okay himiko!! Tenko is here!

 

**no:** you really fucked it

 

**starboy:** where did you say those eyeball eating parasites were again

 

**PantaKing:** the real parasite were the suicide jokes we made along the way

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** not to be captain obvious but you’ve made it way worse

 

**starboy:** correct i have 

 

**NYO:** angie went for a wee what is this

 

**NYO:** stop being naughty while angie is gone

 

**NYO:** NEXT LAW law two

 

**farmami:** law and order special victims unit

 

**Come On And Slam:** DUN DUN

 

**PantaKing:** law and order sleeper forces unit

 

**NYO:** no being mean to anybody!!! If you make someone sad you have to say you’re sorry!

 

**NYO:** except ouma

 

**PantaKing:** what the fuck did i do

 

**tencutie:** hear that you apologise to sweet himiko!

 

**starboy:** i already have jesus

 

**PantaKing:** no really what did i do

 

**DePussy:** im sure himikos gotten over it by now

 

**ginger minge:** i havent

 

**starboy:** i said sorry what more do u want from me

 

**ginger minge:** …

 

**farmami:** AJRSLS

 

**starboy:** SERIOUSLY

 

**banyonkanyonk:** please jaysus let him start cry typing

 

**PantaKing:** ar e you just all fufking ignoring me wht the f UCK

 

**Come On And Slam:** hm yes what is fuck?

 

**farmami:** i wanna own my own little slice of fuck in the country

 

**NYO:** nEXT LAW IS be apreesheeative of all your frends

 

**PantaKing:** YEAH WHORESHIT

 

**starboy:** right ive had enough fuck almost all of you

 

**PantaKing:** im eant whoreshi c ome backkkk

 

**toj:** I would be but I’m not sure if I should be.

 

**Dear Sister:** That’s an interesting spelling of appreciative.

 

**NYO:** thats an interesting way to wear your hair 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** WOWOHHO ROASTED

 

**farmami:** fucking ouch gooj

 

**Dear Sister:** Hm, that’s an interesting way to manipulate your friends into joining your religion.

 

**NYO:** thanks its what angie does best

 

**no:** insults are wasted on her

 

**no:** just like common sense

 

**DePussy:** now that...that i can agree with

 

**NYO:** nyext is uhhhhhh blood sacrifices

 

**farmami:** wh

 

**PantaKing:** WHA T

 

**Dear Sister:** I…

 

**toj:** For a moment, I was going to say that Angie’s law’s, despite how heavily influenced by religion they are, are actually all very morally good until...that.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** HADJFKDLFKSLKS rule four: blood sacrifices

 

**Come On And Slam:** thats it thats the rule blood sacrifices

 

**DePussy:** seems legit

 

**Dear Sister:** I can roll with this.

 

**NYO:** next is uhhhhhhh 

 

**farmami:** hey can i get a uhhhhhhhhhhhhh blood sacrifice?

 

**NYO:** angie cant remember

 

**NYO:** angie stubbed her toe on the bed and now her memories are gone

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** thats not how amnesia works

 

**toj:** It’s how ‘Angienesia’ works.

 

**PantaKing:** hey, it’s okay angie!! We’re such good friends so we’ll fill in the blanks!!

 

**PantaKing:** rule 69

 

**DePussy:** o uma n o

 

**PantaKing:** every third sunday you have to shove a bottle of panta sideways into your anus

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** s sideways

 

**ginger minge:** done and done

 

**starboy:** you...youve done that before

 

**ginger minge:** ….

 

**starboy:** …..

 

**Come On And Slam:** what a weird fuckin lovers quarrel

 

**tencutie:** HEY!

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** rule 70: everyone has to attend kaede’s recitals on the weekends

 

**DePussy:** s shuuuuuu!!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** okay no this is fucking cute

 

**no:** full offense, not happening

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta will attend if everybody comes to his bug meetings!!

 

**no:** kaede im with you

 

**DePussy:** solid

 

**ginger minge:** i wanna go eat some bugs

 

**Bee Movie:** Please don’t!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** i wanna go fuck some bugs

 

**Bee Movie:** PLEASE DON’T

 

**farmami:** rule 71 every sunday insert saihara sideways into your anus

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** p please dont

 

**DePussy:** already done

 

**banyonkanyonk:** GUHELLWJS KINKY KAEDE

 

**Dear Sister:** Rule 75: Don’t leave your dirty underwear on the laundry room floor, Miu.

 

**farmami:** asdfg busted

 

**banyonkanyonk:** well fuck you too you long-legged twatflap

 

**Dear Sister:** Least I fucking change my underwear.

 

**starboy:** oh yeah im sure you cant wait to get into a fresh pair of knickers every morning

 

**Dear Sister:** What can I say, I’m a fan of lace.

 

**farmami:** rule 76: ouma’s worn some of your underwears before

 

**PantaKing:** WH

 

**DePussy:** WHAT

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** th thats not a rule

 

**farmami:** oh i guess not what a shame :^)

 

**PantaKing:** it was only on my head and i know what the insides of your underwear drawers look like so try me

 

**no:** youd better fucking not

 

**Come On And Slam:** i feel like im missing something here and honestly im glad i am what the fUCK

 

**PantaKing:** who the fuck keeps ammo in their sock drawer maki answer that for fuckin three grand 

 

**no:** i will kill you i will rally kami-samas angels and i will put you on a fucking pike

 

**PantaKing:** yeah n saihara doesnt match his socks, kaede has music notes on the ass of her underwear and tenko only has three pairs

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** i

 

**DePussy:** uh

 

**farmami:** hm

 

**starboy:** oh

 

**banyonkanyonk:** mmm

 

**PantaKing:** what

 

**Dear Sister:** You, uh…

 

**starboy:** youve kind of just taken a shit with your clothes on

 

**PantaKing:** what?

 

**ginger minge:** one word

 

**ginger minge:** tenko

 

**PantaKing:** oh fuck

 

**PantaKing:** O H FUC CKC

 

**tencutie:** you know something, this time you really have gone too far. 

 

**tencutie:** me and maki are going to kill you to ring in the new year

 

**no:** the only time id ever want to interact with you

 

**Dear Sister:** Well we were planning to burn him at the stake.

 

**Come On And Slam:** dude!! the girls werent supposed to know that!

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** was this when you kicked us out of the chat???

 

**PantaKing:** you arent about to kill me i am fuckigdgn unkillable im invinciible

 

**toj:** You cried getting a splinter.

 

**PantaKing:** IM UNKILLABLE WE COULD HIRE A FUCKIN MONKEY TO DO UR JOB

 

**toj:** I could hire a monkey to do your job too, if it wasn’t so insubstantial.

 

**ginger minge:** ive seen a monkey use a hammer before

 

**starboy:** theyre slowly catching up to us

 

**ginger minge:** you walk like a monkey

 

**starboy:** you walk like a twink got kicked in the bollocks

 

**DePussy:** oh look they’re friends again!!

 

**ginger minge:** ayyy look oumacide has brought us together again we’re besties

 

**starboy:** hella

 

**PantaKing:** o oumacide

 

**Dear Sister:** Sounds like a pest repellent.

 

**toj:** I could do with some of that.

 

**PantaKing:** yes u monsters spray me like the pest i am

 

**no:** borderline masochistic

 

**farmami:** borderline homoerotic

 

**no:** we’re still going to burn ouma, aren’t we?

 

**tencutie:** absolutely!!

 

**banyonkanyonk:** get me some fucking petrol im gonna down th ast shit happy fuckign new year

 

**farmami:** im gonna down three whole lemons

 

**NYO:** angie fell asleep but angies gonna drink a whole liter of bleach

 

**PantaKing:** if i drink water ill be inflammable fill me up w that sweet h2swole

 

**Come On And Slam:** im go onna drink fucking seawater

 

**DePussy:** chili oil

 

**ShuulockHolmes:** d dont

 

**ginger minge:** im gonna drink the water u get in packets of jam

 

**ginger minge:** ham

 

**starboy:** im gonna drink jelly mix 

 

**Dear Sister:** I’m going to drink three metric tons of pancake batter

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** we’re all popping the biggest bottles tonight!! :3

 

**no:** imn ot normally festive but

 

**no:** im going to chug a bottle of champange and then eat the bottle

 

**PantaKing:** mmmm tastey

 

**tencutie:** tenko isnt sure why we’re drinking bad stuff but tenko is going to drink molten glass

 

**Bee Movie:** Gonta will drink some honey!! 

 

**banyonkanyonk:** hey hoosh maybe if you eat an antfarm youll get ants to come out of your dick

 

**starboy:** yhats my new years resolution

 

**ginger minge:** my new resolution is gonna be dying my pubes white to look like toj

 

**toj:** Excuse me?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** LMAO Lmeme draw a smiley face on ur vag

 

**ginger minge:** if i turn it sideways it looks like a pair of lips

 

**farmami:** rule 420: every morning u have to roate ur vagina 90 degrees to the left

 

**toj:** Why me, though?

 

**PantaKing:** cause u got white fanny hair thas why

 

**PantaKing:** keep up grandma

 

**toj:** No I don’t.

 

**PantaKing:** wh

 

**toj:** I’ve said too much.

 

**farmami:** i 

 

**farmami:** WHUOHEGROUWE FUC KK?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** AUHJSLGRGWLW TOJ WHY WHARFSSS

 

**Come On And Slam:** HO W CAN NTHIS BE

 

**toj:** Let’s stop talking about this.

 

**starboy:** somewhere deep inside i feel sorely disappointed

 

**toj:** Sorry, did I ruin your geriatric fetish?

 

**starboy:** mmm :/

 

**MewMewTsumugi:** lmao why are we talking about pubes on new years

 

**ginger minge:** do u think i could bleach my arm hair off

 

**tencutie:** dont do it

 

**banyonkanyonk:** idk i gave myself a brazilian w duct tape n super glue

 

**starboy:** and now nothing grows there. Its the place where hope goes to die

 

**Dear Sister:** The real despair was Miu’s genitals.

 

**no:** miu what the actual fuck

 

**DePussy:** okay but am i the only one curious about what colour toujou is down there?

 

**toj:** Yes

 

**banyonkanyonk:** down there with the pussy hair

 

**toj:** I will spike your food with ground glass.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** mmmmmmmm i needddd sosme fuckin glass

 

**DePussy:** insert glass

 

**NYO:** angie issssss not tired angie wants to burn ouma now

 

**NYO:** angie wants to

 

**NYO:** urhghghgh

 

**NYO:** cows

 

**ginger minge:** ifeel like im gonna pass but uhhhh id drink a cow

 

**banyonkanyonk:** isnt cow cum milk?

 

**banyonkanyonk:** guys

 

**banyonkanyonk:** guys????

 

**banyonkanyonk:** dude wtf come back

 

**banyonkanyonk:** GUYSS????

 

 **banyonkanyonk:** seriously guys what the fuck

 

**kibble:** It’s been 2018 for forty-five minutes already.

 

**banyonkanyonk:** FUCK

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ky this one was less funny but fuck itt ill get into the swing again also happy new years you fuckers hope it's a good one
> 
> come follow my ass on tumblr @unavoidablekoishi or on discord idfk


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